Hi Ellie,

 

I'm so glad I found your article and subsequently the discussion

group and all the messages that really help to support me.  Coming to

grips with the fact that I indeed have a problem with anger toward my

now deceased father has been very difficult as I was trained to be

nothing but the dutiful daughter.  Now learning to redirect whenever

(and that seems to be the key for me) a crisis arises is the next

challenge I'm facing.  I feel pretty overwhelmed at being both the

patient and counselor here, as well as trying to teach my significant

other what it is I am doing.

 

The first time I redirected, I felt sort of silly, it didn't take

long for me to really get into it.  I surprised myself with how

loudly and forcefully I could yell and how good it felt to pound

something or throw something.  My boyfriend took me to hit baseballs

at a batting cage and wow, I was really letting those feelings of

anger release as I connected with the balls.  I was exhausted

afterward and even felt guilty and then depressed that I had acted in

such a way.  Eventually, I learned to turn the strength I felt while

redirecting into feelings of love and concern for myself.  I didn't

deserve to be trained and abused by my father, and I wasn't going to

perpetuate that abuse any longer by feeling guilty for my feelings.

 

It wasn't long before I became aware of significant improvements in

my ability to experience anger.  My boyfriend and I had a

disagreement last weekend during which he became very intense

(yelling).  Even though I was angry, I felt calm and was actually

able to think clearly and remain calm and in control FOR THE FIRST

TIME EVER!  It was almost effortless!

 

I processed what was happening, took a moment to identify what I was

feeling and then I was able to verbalize this to my boyfriend in a

non-blaming way.  I don't think he knew what to do with me...I was

handling things so differently than during previous disagreements.  I

did get scared when he punched a hole in the wall and decided to

leave to allow things to settle down.  But even then, I didn't storm

out, I wasn't crying, I was calm and decisive.

 

Thank you so much for this breakthrough.  I feel like I'm starting to

live life so much more confidently.  I know there will be other

breakthroughs as I continue to redirect.  I only hope more people

find this information and take action to free themselves from the

pain of their repressed anger.

 

I'm not sure how to post this to the discussion group.  Perhaps you

could send me instructions about posting messages there.

 

Thanks again Ellie for your ongoing efforts on behalf of so many of

us who would still be hampered by our lost feelings.  Take care, L

 

Hi,

Thanks for sharing this, the group is set up as non-interactive, so you can't post to it, but I sometimes post peoples messages, as I am doing with yours. Don't forget that guilt is anger turned inward and a trigger to do some more redirecting. The depression that follows the detox crises may intensify for a while. Put a sign on the refrig saying, "It will lift" or try to do some more redirecting when you are depressed.

 

Please print out the pamphlet to refer to, and it might be a good idea to give that to your boyfriend rather than to try and explain it to him. Hopefully, he will identify and beging the use the RST himself.