Hello Ellie,

 

I wanted to share a discovery I made. I'm steady reading the posts, but

sofar I haven't read anything about this and I'm excited so I want to share.

 

Being a mother and living at home with my grandparents has made it somewhat difficult with redirecting my anger, since I'm 95% of the time not able to scream and yell the way I want to when I'm at home. I mostly do the yelling before I go home at a huge parking lot in my car.

 

For Xmas my co-worker gave my a semi-big gorilla for my son. It is the

perfect object because I can kick it against the wall without making any

noise. The material inside is very soft. So when my son and grandparents are sleeping I like to go to the living room and kick the shit out of that

gorilla. I kick it I stomp on it I kick it against the wall until I'm out of

breath and dizzy from the high and all that without noise. I do speak

towards my abusers while doing this but not very loud. This I want to share with all people that are in a situation similar to mine.

 

When it's hard to get to that anger I also write in my diary about how I

feel about myself, the low selfesteem and self hate and I start feeling very

low because I feel all the pain, and then suddenly I start feeling angry

because I remember how I got to feel that way in the first place. Then I'm

able to scribble real hard with crayons on paper and let that anger out.

Once I did that I really start raving and I start kicking and hitting my

beloved gorilla until I'm exhausted. N.