From Fr.
Your description of how toxcicity is generated and purged is compelling.

Your references to Alice Miller, whose works I read early in my
recovery,
grabbed my attention. I have the perception that many people have
trouble
dealing with what she says, one reason perhaps why she's not referred to
as
often in recovery circles. I put her up there in the pantheon of
humanity's
heros, along with Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob, Lois, Ghandi, Norman Borlauge
and
others.

Re your theory of toxicosis: I sense that even if it were not
scientifically accurate (and I have no idea one way or the other) it
still
might serve me as an effective model for working on my recovery. After I

read your article a number of times I became even more sensitized than I

was to episodes of anxiety or fearfulness - what you describe as
periodic
detoxification crises. However, it had been my theory that it was fear
that stood behind the anger I would rarely encounter and that I should
work
on my fear (something I got a good start on at Caron). I am now however
"trying on" the concept that it might be more useful to see things the
other way around. I certainly am more in tune with episodes of fear and
anxiety rather than anger, so I have more opportunities to work using
those
doors. But a lot of these opportunities to process occur in places like
sitting here in the office or in other places where I can't really
pound,
yell or even talk quietly to myself. Where I could use some help is to
learn about effective creative ways you and others have found to process

such episodes in a safe appropriate way at such times. Thanks.

Dear Fr
The scientific evidence for the theory could fill a book. I'll be
putting the
original technical article on my site when it is published this fall.
The fear
is caused by excess toxic amounts of adrenaline that have clogged up
neurons
because we had to suppress our fight or flight response, and the fear is
a sign
of emerging anger, so it is about going through the fear and trying to
release
and redirect the anger at the onset of excitatory nervous symptoms.

Yes, is it difficult to do this all through the day at work, but those
who have
progressed the fastest have found ways to mentally redirect even
quietly. I and
others kept a rather persistent dialogue with parents and other early
abusers.
like fu fu prayers we call them. Whenever I felt guilt I would simple
say in my
head to my mother, Get out of my head. All of these mental exercises are
ways to
redirect the anger through the right neurons, so to speak, and this
speeds the
detox process. It is a detox of endogenous substances, much like a detox
of
drugs. Others take time to go out to the woods and yell at trees, or
even pound
on a parents grave--what ever time you have to do these things will
help. or
yell in the shower, or while riding a bike. Another person just took a
pen and jabbed it through some paper in her office. Once you get going
with this, I
think you will find your own ways. The mentally redirecting is more
important
than the pounding on the bed, although that helps a lot.

Caron was great. It was there that I learned the sculptures, and that is
what I
did in my mind, conjure up a sculpture. The two parts of this discovery
that are
so exciting and that speed the process are 1) It's not necessary to
remember or
re-experience all the childhood trauma. What's important is to have a
list of
all subsequent abusive relationships and to redirect anger to them all,
teachers? doctors? clergy? bosses? and 2) Recognizing excitatory
symptoms,
especially fear, as signals of a detox crisis and releasing and
redirecting
during them speeds up the process.

Ellie
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The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579