Ellie:
I thought you might be interested in some anger work I did at a primal
intensive last month. I have been non-spiritual and non-religious for
most of my life and have of late becoming even more so. At the
intensive after a particularly horrendous feeling of dying in the birth
canal and feeling my mother's indifference to my pleas of help from
her. I finally felt, with the therapist's help being born.
Immediately, I began raging and cursing God for his indifference to me
and to all those suffering in the world, especially the children.

When I returned home, while driving I again became rageful at God. At
home the primal continued and the feeling went from being angry at God
to being angry at my mother FOR NOT HELPING ME - NOT HEARING ME - WHEN I
NEEDED HER HELP IN THE BIRTH PROCESS. The next week I again became
angry at my mother but this time I intentially directed the feeling back
and forth between God and my mother and needless to say I was not
surprised that both of the feelings felt as though they fitted the
primal feeling quite well.

Needless to say I have discovered the origins of my feelings of
indifference to God and my lack of spirituality. The therapist told the
participants at the primal intensive that I had needed to get to those
feelings of anger towards God out and felt deeply, and that in time I
would solve my spirituality blocks because of that breakthrough. When
I began cursing God as Allah and as Jehovah and as a multitude of
gods, the therapist encouraged me to go even deeper into those rageful
and cursing God feelings.
Jake

This is so exciting to me, Jake, and fits with the theory. The below is
from my artice.

"Characteristics of similar abusers, for example male or female
authority figures, are laid down in common neural pathways, and it
speeds the detoxification process to think of all past abusers during a
detoxification crisis. These might include relatives, bosses, persons in
authority, partners, or friends. Even notions of God as a
parental authority are stored together with characteristics of past
abusers and it helps to get mad at God as well. The real God
is helping us to heal."

I did a lot of raging at God with four letter words. I don't think it
was God I was really raging at, but that notion of God as a parental
authority. I still get mad at the real God sometimes, and tell him (or
her or Energy) to get his act together. Sometimes when I do, I hear a
small mental voice in my head saying, "I'm doing the best I can." I was
telling this to a friend once, and she said she heard the same words.
And when I die my first words are going to be...Why?
Ellie