Hello Ellie:
I found and registered for this list recently. I have read
the article a couple of times, and have a couple of questions.
Firstly am trying to determine exactly how to use you or
this list as a tool (other than reading the digests/emails).
For instance, your instructions are:

<<A good beginning is to write about your childhood relationships,
ie your parents or early caretakers, and later relationships with
people who reminded you of them. >>
My question is -- do we write this to you? Or is it a journal
we write to ourselves?

I am hoping we/I send the writings to you -- that, at least, would
give me the sense that there is someone out there listening
and a purpose for doing it. I've tried so many things and
never had any real success -- and I have essentially buried
all emotions to a great extent (literally and metaphorically)
hoping I could just get through life somehow. The last few
years I haven't been able to really, successfully COMPLETE
anything I've taken on pertaining to healing myself. And this
past year has just been a terrible struggle internally and externally.

Secondly, I think I've become so resigned (having tried all sorts
of different methods over the past 20 some odd years) that
anger doesn't even *come up* anymore -- just profound
sadness and resignation. But I'm thinking maybe it's in the
writing/re-creation itself that brings the anger back to
work with? I have suppressed emotions so dramatically
it's scary. I only realized this after reading the article and
archives. I don't really *feel* anything any more.

I sincerely thank you for your article, the information and
this forum. I am very frightened these past few months,
as my life is beginning to deteriorate and I can't seem to
do anything about it. My insurance won't cover
one-on-one therapy, and so am grateful to have found this
resource. I know the information and method is accurate
but I also know I need some kind of connection to support
doing it myself. My resignation and apathy has me want
to do ANYTHING other than the work you have outlined.

Lastly -- I have no problem with you choosing to post
anything I write to he forum. You seem to be quite a remarkable
woman, with an equally remarkable life and I trust you implicitly.
But do you need any personal info from me?
(i.e., age, profession, background, etc.).

Thank you,
Connie

Dear Connie
I'm so glad to hear from you and that you are interested
in using the self help measures. Please understand I am not
a therapist, just another abused child who happened on this
discovery and found that these mesaures speeded my recovery,
so think of me as more someone in a 12 step program who
just got this recovery before you did.

I'd be very happy to have you send me your writings and
use me as a witness. I can't promise to answer everything
you write if the list gets big, which I hope it will someday.
In fact, you don't need me to respond , just know that I am
here as a witness and someone who identifies. I'm more of
a facilitator, ie one who can urge you to feel your justifiable
anger and release and redirect it. I'm very happy to hear from
you and will put some of your comments on the list to help
others. With some people (like Kathy, who was the first,
we exchanged email a lot, see the archives). Others have
used the measures without any contact with me.


I know it's not easy to get in touch with the anger.
We learned to suppress it and and that was what caused our
many problems. Try to reread the article many times, until you
get the simple idea that any excitatory nervous symptom is a
trigger and an opportunity to release and redirect anger, especially
fear. Fear is a sign excess adrenaline is pouring out and that
means there excess noradrenaline, which stores repressed anger,
and it is an opportunity to do some banging on the bed or just
mentally redirected anger in your head. Reread the archives too.
I don't put too much on the list so as not to scare away people
with repetition.

Yes, writing your story should help trigger anger. Also Thomas Stones
book Cure by Crying has good tips--like watching movies.
Watch for fear before you have to make a phone call, cravings...
are you in any 12 step programs? paranoia, guilt (anger turned inward),
feelings of being rejected, low self esteem, anger toward another out of

proportion to the incident, resentments, compulsive thinking and
behavior...
these are all detox crises, and anger wants out. Above all remember
you are an innocent child, your anger is justifiable when it surfaces
and just needs redirecting.

Ellie