From Lynn:
My husband's birthday was last Sunday. We had a beautiful
day with friends around and went to watch a play in the evening.
We had a very good time. Let me tell you what happened.
On Saturday evening, as I was getting tender and loving towards
him, hub turned me off with some rude comment related to a
very old grudge he was carrying against me. I felt myself
curl inside and my heart ache and I began to cry. I left the room
and went to another room where I sat down and put my head
in my hands and cried. Suddenly I realised I was not crying
hoping for someone to comfort me anymore. I was crying for
the sake of crying, knowing this was both the consequence
of my hurting and the healing pathway. A few minutes later,
I already felt better because I realised for the first time I was
not expecting any "mother" to detoxicate my feelings for me,
something nobody had ever done for me, and did not feel
double hurting for the loss of a "mother", but suddenly I could
do it for myself, and all this was mine, all mine : the hurting,
the tears, the feelings, the healing. I was the OWNER of my
feelings. I realised I had always felt deprived of my feelings,
like my mother would steal my feelings - maybe the reason
why, to this day, it is so hard for me to tell her something
makes me happy, tell her some goods news or so, because
immediately it's like she's stealing my joy and happiness and
I'm left with nothing. All at once the grown up thing worked :
someone hurts me, I'm hurting, but he's bad and I ain't wrong
- it's not my fault, I'm just sad and hurt, yet it does not mean
he's wicked or mean, it only means he's hurt me and that's all.
After this I went back to bed and I slept a detox sleep - a bit
agitated with a lot of dreams I can't recall. Hub did not sleep
a lot I think, guess he was feeling guilty for screwing things up.
Sunday morning I went to brew some coffee and then came
to him to bid him Happy Birthday.... he apologized.... a thing
he wasn't quite inclined to do before... I said never mind - you
deserve a good day today - it's your birthday - you deserve
a nice party... He was happy and lovely to me all day long,
and since then he's been much more relaxed. Nice story, huh ???
I think this adapting process is going well enough...
Lynn

Yes, a beautiful story of having the courage to feel.
Your healing is such an inspiration. Sometimes at the
end of the day as I fall asleep I just think of you and
that child within you, who will not have to suffer as you
have for lack of love. (Lynn had trouble with pregnancies
until after using the self help measures, and perhaps
because her nervous system is pretty well cleared out and
better able to manage things peripherally, she is now three
months pregnant.)
Ellie