-Sally's response to some recent posts.
>Hi,
>Yes, the work is all inside, and so simple,
>it's just about getting all the anger out... Feelings of loneliness are
a
>craving, a craving for people in the co-dependent way.
>Get mad at your parents. They caused you to 'need' people because
>they were not there for you when you needed to be dependent as a child.

>But we don't need people in that sense as adults, we need to get angry
>at our parents and then the need for co-dependencies will disappear.
>Try yelling at them while picturing them every time you feel lonely.
>When you are post flood you will never feel lonely again. That's a
>promise.Love,Ellie

Hi Ellie,
Every time I get a message from you I feel I get an insight and I am
working within to redirect the anger at my parents. I realized this
weekend
as a guest at Rancho La Puerta in Tecate Mexico that I feel I do not
connect in a deeper way with people. It's an effort to talk and connect
although I'm a social butterfly. Sounds like a paradox. I start another
group for 6 sessions on Tues and I plan to bring that issue up. I
realize
it is my mother and now I have another issue to redirect. I don't know
if
it's loniliness that I feel but I've had to fend for myself for so long
not
relying on 'mother' or even 'father' although he was more there for me.
I
understand codependency more each day and now you've added another piece
to
the puzzle. That's what cracked me up in the last group therapy I was
in. I
realized I was so codependent and damned if I stayed or didn't stay. I
did
leave and the new therapist feels that the therapist was codependent as
well. The emotional pain was excruciating for 2 months and started
fading
in August and now I'm getting clarity. I realize that when those
feelings
come up of feeling bad about myself for not connecting more
authentically
and deeply with others that I can vent on my mother. I also do cartoons
and
she and another woman in group that 'attacked' me are the butt of the
cartoons and that is helpful and hilarious too. There's hope for me.

------------------------------- rejection note
--------------------------

The following is a former note of yours about rejection and leg
injury...and my notes follow it.

>As painful as it is, rejection can be turned into anger and in fact
become less painful and a trigger for recovery. As you can imagine this
theory was rejected by a number of psychiatric journals...

But when I told him about how this theory developed as a result of my
own personal recovery he quickly rejected it. Not being a neuroscientist

he was unable to understand the scientific proof, and not post-flood
himself he probably could not see the merit in self-help measures. I was

devastated and hurt but soon realized this was again an opportunity to
heal. It triggered my birth trauma, i.e. he gave my theory life and then

rejected it just as my parents gave me life and then rejected me
emotionally.

This happened toward the end of my detox. For several weeks I did a lot
of pounding on the bed and yelling at my parents (and the editor) and
mentally expressing my anger all through the day. The healing was
dramatic and it brought me to post-flood. It was interesting that during

this time I wrote a note to a friend that came out in child's
handwriting. I ALSO DEVELOPED BRUISE MARKS ON MY LEGS WHERE I HAD BEEN
HELD UPSIDE DOWN WHEN I WAS BORN. JANOV HAS PICTURES OF THIS IN HIS
CLIENTS WHO WERE EXPERIENCING BIRTH TRAUMA. THIS HAPPENS BECAUSE NEURAL
PATHWAYS WHERE MEMORIES OF THESE EARLY EVENTS ARE STORED ARE BEING
CLEARED OUT. AFTER THIS DRAMATIC HEALING I WAS ABLE TO REMEMBER A NUMBER

OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS WITHOUT EMOTIONAL PAIN.

>I hope you will be able to use any rejections, small or large, for your

benefit. Ellie

Sally's response:

I have had a number a leg injuries and just am recovering from another.
I
had photos taken of me in my late 20's for social purposes and my best
friend noticed that both of my feet from the ankles down looked
'withered'.
I had to agree. In my 30's and 40's I had one, serious staph infection
with
ulcers around the feet and ankles and healed it naturally and two,
severe
edema in both legs from twisting an ankle! (Eating disorder involvement
on
last one) During the crescendo of the edema/ankle twist I attended a
psychic/astrological lecture in Miami and accidently went into trance
when
the lecturer did and I looked at my legs and I could 'see' 'feel' that
injuries were psychically related to some childhood trauma that went
unnamed. I was in a state of deep relaxation. After the lecture was over
I
got up and walked out without the crutches and pain!

NOW I have a severe spasm in the center of my right adductor from doing
too
much afro-cuban dancing and yoga and modern dance. It went into severe
bruising from the groin to the knee and down into the calf and ankle
area,
a 'pulled muscle'. The healing is working downward and the
blood/bruising
is pooling now mainly around the knee and I noticed new swelling above
the
ankle. I attended a Juan Gabriel concert in Tijuana that began at 1 am.
It
was a stretch physically however I was in good company. I had to stand
most
of the time and shift weight (dance) because it was too painful to sit.
He
projected so much love and the audience sang along with him in a chorus
response way much of the time. I got such a feeling of love and union
while
that was happening. Anyway after the concert and the next morning I had
nearly zero pain and limp. The pain and limp kicked in again on the way
home when I had to sit on the bus, in the airport, on the plane, in the
car. I was shocked by your comment on birth trauma. I feel my mother
must
have done something terribly restrictive to my feet early on or perhaps
it
could be - being held to strongly by the feet by the doctor at birth.
Somehow I feel my mother is involved doing anything she can to restrict
my
movement and energy. Sorry this is such a long note. I must say that I
was
a born athlete with gold medals in my father's geneology and it's been
hard
looking back not to have that developed in my by my mother. I'm making
up
for lost time and I overdid the afro-cuban thing. I guess I can get mad
at
her for all of my self-medicating and overdoing and not developing a
better
sense of balance and taking care of myself, too. I can still feel this
lump/muscle knot in the center of the right adductor now that most of
the
swelling is down. The injury has also been accompanied with occasional
nausea, near passing out, feelings that I will throw up or poop, and
loss
of appetite. It feels that in some way my inner core is coming to life
and
my appetite is more organic and natural and not so compulsive. That's
some
progress. However, I feel too that there is a knot in my adductor and a
corresponding one in my intestines. I had very abusive toilet training
and
nothing much came out after that including emotions. Somehow I feel the
leg
injury is related to the 'intestinal injury'.

Thanks for you awesome notes and insights. They really sing and speak to
me.
Sally

Thank you Sally -- when the nervous system clears out as a result of
releasing and redirecting anger, it can repair the peripheral damage
that occurred during childhood trauma. It is all a deoxification
process--the brain is releasing toxic neurochemicals that have prevented
it from functioning normally--and in this process we re-experience the
acute trauma, hence the appearance of bruise marks or swelling or other
temporay symptoms. When I was doing a food detox, which I did along with
the anger detox, I re-experienced acute lung problems--I had a lung
tumor that healed. Another time I had a severe strep throat--may have
been related to early damage during tonsilitis and surgery for that.
Toward the end of my emotional detox for a week I had a fever of around
103, all a part of my body detoxing and healing.
Ellie