As painful as it is, rejection can be turned into anger and in fact
become less painful and a trigger for recovery. As you can imagine this
theory was rejected by a number of psychiatric journals. Sending it to
these journals was an opportunity for me to confront the abuses I
suffered in the hands of many psychiatrists and to feel and release
anger. Finally a journal editor enthusiastically accepted the theory,
even invited me to speak at his International Convention along with
Alice Miller.

But when I told him about how this theory developed as a result of my
own personal recovery he quickly rejected it. Not being a neuroscientist
he was unable to understand the scientific proof, and not post-flood
himself he probably could not see the merit in self-help measures. I was
devastated and hurt but soon realized this was again an opportunity to
heal. It triggered my birth trauma, i.e. he gave my theory life and then
rejected it just as my parents gave me life and then rejected me
emotionally.

This happened toward the end of my detox. For several weeks I did a lot
of pounding on the bed and yelling at my parents (and the editor) and
mentally expressing my anger all through the day. The healing was
dramatic and it brought me to post-flood. It was interesting that during
this time I wrote a note to a friend that came out in child's
handwriting. I also developed bruise marks on my legs where I had been
held upside down when I was born. Janov has pictures of this in his
clients who were experiencing birth trauma. This happens because neural
pathways where memories of these early events are stored are being
cleared out. After this dramatic healing I was able to remember a number
of childhood traumas without emotional pain.

I hope you will be able to use any rejections, small or large, for your
benefit.

Ellie