Hi Ellie,

More to stay on parents.  I know it is not easy to understand.  It is nonetheless ever so freeing when I finally gave up the neediness from parents that were not able to love the way I needed to be loved.  It is called forgiveness.  This is a gift we all have within and in time it will become real to you as you continue to work through all the anger.  Forgiveness is not for the parent that abused you.  Forgiveness is ultimately for you.  It "allows" you to be free of all the anger holding you back from who you are. Hum?  How can I really explain this with a define clarity. 

My own experience may help to understand.  The relationship I had with my mother was very toxic.  We had what I called my daily bashing session.  We talked everyday on the phone.  "We" put me down together.  Yes, I joined in the jokes about me too.  This of course finally came to an end.  I told her I do not talk about myself this way any more.  It took years to really let go of the relationship.  After all it was all I had known and it was the only way to have a relationship with her.  However, the pain of always being the butt of her sarcasm was enough and this too wasn't the relationship "I wanted with my mother."  What if my mother never called me again?  This was the fear and anger I lived in for a while. I couldn't understand why my mother didn't see me as a woman with talent or wonderful.  This too was part of the acceptance and forgiveness.  Sorry to say it ! didn't turn out to be the fantasy relationship with my mother. No big revelation came to my mother.   My biggest fear had come true. She doesn't call me any more.  She is too busy to talk to me.  Yet, it was not as horrible as I thought it would be.  As I worked the RST and began to stand in my own truth I let go of the hurt, hate, fear and anger.  I am able to forgive my mother and understand her.  I can love her any way... Her criticism is not about me.  It is about her.  I forgive her and love her any way.  I will not have the "let's go shopping and have lunch" relationship with my mother.   I do not have expectations from her any more.  I have accepted the painful reality of the mother daughter relationship I have with her.  To say it doesn't hurt from time to time would be a lie.  Oh, it hurts but not nearly as it use too.  When the pain becomes too much... it is time ! to redirect... and let go.  Then the process of forgiveness begins again and I am free to love me and care about me.  

    I can say the relationship did change for the better. I hope this gives a little more light on what Ellie is trying to say.  It is the redirecting that comes to mind when someone in the world is putting me down.  Who am I redirecting at?  Heee heee.  It all comes together in time and work.  I can honestly say Life is so much better to start it with great affirmations and believe them... then a day of cutting me to shreds.

Thanks, Ellie  S.

 

Thank you! You are an inspiration, as is everyone who joins this group and has the courage to go through the feelings, get the anger out, and reach this point of true forgiveness.