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After an episode of depression, I realized the importance of releasing anger
in current situations. I was dealing with the father of my child. He wanted
to see his son. I did bring my son to see him and told him that this would
be his only first and last chance, if he messed up, he would have to got to
court for visitation arrangements. I want avoid my son's father of being in
and out of his life. Let me clarify that I was in a relationship with this
man for almost 2 years and that he became verbally/mentally abusive and
towards the end sincerly treatened to beat me up. That's when I decided to
leave him, and I did, so... Everytime I went there I would feel depressed
afterwards, although the visits were fine. We talked, and he would tell me
how changed he was. I even got to meet his new girlfriend. But I always had
my guard up and I was observing the whole situation. Deep in my heart I knew
that this was just a momentary thing and that angered me so much,since he
was putting on this big act. How, after all the things we went through (him
as topdog,me as underdog), could he still think that I was that stupid not
to recognized the game he was playing? I let him believe that I still was
that stupid and it really pissed me off. I played the game, because I wanted
him to fall into the trap. He hasn't called over a month and the next time
he will call, I will advise him to go to court, which he won't do because
he's not sincerly interested in our son, but rather want to play his little
game with me. He thought he was fooling me, but it actually turned around on
him. But back to the important point. The depression got worst and worst of
course, because I wasn't redirecting. I couldn't scream and yell at him,
which is truly what I wanted to do. It took me to get to a deep point of
that depression to realize that I am actually angry and that I have to
release that anger, once I realized that I redirected and I felt better.
During that I also discovered how disappointed I was in general of men and
that it came from being so disappointed from my dad, when he just left me,
back when I was a little girl. This episode also thought me to check my
emotions especially when I'm angry. Anger is such an unknown, unfelt
emotion. Now I am more aware of my anger and redirect when appropriate and
right away.
I also realized that chocolate,sugar in excess triggeres aggressive
behaviour in me. That just started lately. But avoiding Sugar and Junkie
Food means dealing with my emotions. The less enjoyable ones. But I'm doing
it anyway. I started this Candida Diet last week and it was all working out
fine until the weekend. There where two episodes which I didn't deal with
properly and I ate a muffin on Saturday and cookies w/ homemade jelly on
Sunday. Now my system is all messed up and I'm dizzy and my stomach is a bit
upset. I am now seeking a way to deal with my emotions while w/ my son. We
play a lot and do different activies which require my attention. While going
through emotions and I get to the deepest point of for instance anger,
sadness or guilt it's hard for me to focus on anything else, so I eat
something not on the list of my Candida-Diet-Foods.
For the rest I really would like to take a break. This last 6 month have
been pretty though. A lot of mental work. And it's still continuing. I
really would like to rest for a week or two, but it does not look like any
mental vacation in site. That sounds funny.
Take care and be blessed everybody, N
I would try to keep shifting your diet to mostly raw food, and avoid bread, cooked grains or beens, cereals, pasta, rice, (try baked potatoes instead), dairy, and processed sugar (try raw dates). If you cook beef, don't over cook.
Ellie
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