and had a depressed feeling the next day, however that is slowly shifting. It
brought me
this "I don't want to be here anymore" stuff, and I want to go home feeling,
like a mild
depression or even some anger. But after talking to Sylvia and Rob in Toronto
today i feel a
lot better, and the feelign is
"depression is fine, i'll go through this and come out better at the other end"

Plus Sylvia remeinded me of EFT, so I will do soem more of that too. I know i am
better
and getting better already
thank you Sylvia and Rob
thank you Ron and CLS and my spirit...

This might need that I might want a depression or victim healing form ron soon,
but it
can also mean that I have to go through this to release it. today is much better
than
yesterday so it is in the right direction.

this is some of the thoughts i had from Saturdays healing session that I had
with Ron;

Loosing some of the earthly connection seemed to make me feel tired, but in a
good way,
relaxed. i felt a lot of disconnect happen through my head, my eyes and my
throat, but
also in my second chakra, my intestines, and female organs etc. After the
session I still
felt something coming out of my eyes.

The home base was interesting;
I felt a lot of warmth when I connected with my home base. The golden misty
energy feels
like home and made sense as it is an energy that means a lot to me, and has been
a part
of my life in many forms. I used to be very drawn to gold as a child and
remember that the
catholic churches was a mixed feeling for me, as all the gold used to draw me
in, but i
always had a feeling that "something wasn't right". In australia i was part of a
group
making silver and gold colloid and then also experimenting with making gold (
following
specific ways), and a few times we were able to for short times. The gold drew
me to ET
places too, even some that I will not mention since i stay away from them, it is
of a dark
energy. But the gold drew me in.

Even if the bird energy from my twin flame was a bit odd to begin with, I guess
I expected
more of a being of human or ET form, or a dragon, but not something closer to a
fairly
common earthly animal, like a seagull is. However the seagull makes sense too in
other
ways. There are a lot, and I mean a lot of seagulls where i come from, and they
are big,
healthy and strong too. They are out in the wild and free and open air no matter
what
weather, and like them I like to feel the ocean breeze.

When I first got into acting which role do you think i did in my first audition
to get into my
first acting school;
I did the a part of Thechov's "The seagull", in that speech she says " I am a
seagull" a few
times. The play is Russian, and the seagull represents going to the ocean, which
is far from
Moscow, where the characters in the play are. Being a seagull means to be free
and travel
where one wants, fly near the ocean, over oceans and far away. all the
characters dream of
going somewhere in that play but are trapped, so Thechov actually wrote it as a
comedy,
as a black comedy, for they all talk of going somewhere but never do!!

It is also a bit humorous to me with seagulls somehow, but then, humor is
important to
me. Seagulls are so matter of fact and don't let you think you can catch them,
they are
independent and will have their say too. I have always seen areas from up above
and have
a great sense of direction, so much so that people wonder how I know the area. I
fly above
it, so to speak, and check it out form above.

Yesterday I felt a big sense of disconnect, loneliness, of wanting to just leave
this place, of
everything that has ever been wrong came to me all at once. I have cried a bit
and have
felt very lost and today it is still this way, but it is getting better. that
was why i was
wondering if this is typical. If it means anything like other implants going off
or more
entities or a natural letting go in order to feel connected more to home base
and twin
flame.

Love
annika