No reason to get mad...once a recovery program becomes truth based instead of
ego based.
..
..
..

A few comments regarding my posts from anonymous addicts:

"I got mad when I read you post V, but after I thought about it I realized it
was the truth."

"I was angry over what you wrote V, but I figured out it was because its the
truth and it's hard to face the truth."

"Sometimes I don't like your posts V and get mad when I read them, but then
see the truth in your statements and realize that this anger is my problem and
is not caused by you as you were right."

"I don't read 99% of your posts V because you are too preachy and judgmental
and your posts are too long. You seldom us the word *I* and you work a program
of bossing others around rather than sharing ESH."

"Some things you say are true V, but I don't swallow most of it."

"Your posts are a little 'over the top' and everyone can't just do as you do
V."

And last but not least, one of my all time favorites...

"Most surely V your "gurism" does attract a following of those of an equally
co-dependent nature as yourslef. But, what would happen if you came from the
point of your heart/mind? What would happen if you expressed and shared your
own recovery experiences WORKING the steps? What would happen if you were to
follow the guidelines? What would you lose and why? What would you gain and why?
What would happen if you were to step off the lecture podium and work? And
why?"


V responds:

Well, I can assure the last critic I do work on recovery quite a bit. Maybe
I do not work on it enough to please her, but the point with recovery is not
to please others but to please our OWN recovery program and thus please
ourselves with our efforts. So always remember, we don't have to please the
critics
with our recovery work...we only have to please ourselves. There is nothing to
get angry about in my posts nor in anyone else's posts for that matter. So
don't let me disturb your peace with what I write about. When we get mad at what
others write we are saying that they do not have a right to their own opinion.
In short, we are dictating to the world that every opinion must revolve
around our own feelings and we are setting up ourselves up as gods when we
disallow
others their right to think as they do whether they be right or wrong in
their thoughts. We are ALL entitled to our OWN opinions are we not? And if my
posts are too long for you then my feelings will not be hurt nor my program
affected in any way if you do not read my posts. I can assure you that
successful
recovery work is much harder than reading a 3 or 4 page post. "Half measures
availed us nothing" What I write is a road map or record for me to remember how
I
achieved what I have and whatever length in pages it takes to create this map
is what it takes. I post to crystallize my thoughts and to refresh my
program. I also use my writing to possibly help others to achieve a similar
level of
recovery in their own lives - if they want it.

What I write about is not being forced on you my any means. Recovery can
never be forced on another. Just as enlightenment can never be forced or bought
and must come from within a person, so it goes with recovery work. Sometimes we
can suffer from fits of entitlement and imagine there is discrimination where
there is no discrimination. I seldom write to addicts personally other than to
answer mail. When I email my posts they go to 25,000+ addicts on over 30
lists and all around the world. So don't take them personally, they are not
intended only for you. Many an addict thinks the world revolves around
themselves.
Entitlement, expectations and delusions of grandeur seem to be at work here. I
suffer from these as well sometimes, so don't feel bad. But to think that
everything I write or think has to match what you think and approve of is
unrealistic. For if I thought just as you thought and wrote just as you wished I
would
be a carbon copy of your program and not my own program. Just as all the
other addicts and persons in the world would have to be to agreement with your
ideas to receive your approval as well. No diversity that way in recovery,
especially if you happen to be an unrecovered, sick addict - then we would all
be in
the same boat - thinking just as the sick addict thinks. No, egocentricity is
not good recovery and we need to be open to others ideas and embrace them as
nourishment for your growth and sustenance for life as no one person is god.

A tool that serves me well is to practice "Live and Let Live" which reminds
me of accepting balance and diversity in the world and also governs the law
that states; just as I enjoy the right to do and exist as I like, this freedom
must be extended to others as well if I am to enjoy it. This relationship of
interdependent balance can best be visualized in the 3 corners of a triangle
which represents the spiritual realm, other persons and ourselves At the top
goes
God / Higher Power / Buddha / The Dharma / Nature / Karma or whatever you
choose as the unseen force behind all. In any case it is a higher power than
yourself ... as you cannot be in two places at once! On the bottom right corner
of the triangle goes other people. On the left bottom corner of the triangle
goes yourself. Keeping this relationship in harmonious balance helps develop
compassion for others and humility within ourselves. We learn to think about
others and the spirit as well as our own needs and we can then see we are all
interdependent and not independent with all. Once you see this balance you will
realize that we all share the same breath and no need to practice hatred or
develop ill will towards others. It is much better to develop compassion for
others. For as we develop compassion for others we develop peace within. This
also
helps me with keeping an open mind for peace generators in my life. As such, I
practice from many religious and spiritual traditions without problems or
prejudices and readily look for such gifts irrespective of what label they come
under. And whether you "swallow" some of what I say or none of it does not
matter in the least, for you can find tools of peace all around you just as you
can find tools for failure as well. Do as the program suggests and take what you
want and take only that which serves your recovery. No reason to feel you
have to be force fed and have to swallow it all.

The truth can be hard to take sometimes, but also realize this - no one can
force the truth on you to make you do anything against your wishes. Many times
addicts are fearful of loss as AA's 12 & 12 mentions on page 76; "The chief
activator of our defects has been a self-centered fear-primarily that we would
lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded.
Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual
disturbance and frustrations Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could
find a means of reducing these demands." Well, I can assure you that nothing I
write will rob you of your addictions - they are just words. And, even though
these words represent ideas, in the end knowledge without application is
useless. To change your life requires actions and not just lip or pen service.
So
whether something is true or not true, no one can force it on you...other than
nature that is. An area of clarity that can help in this area of accepting
truth is to learn if our program is ego based or a truth based program. The ego
based personality rejects truth and is not thankful for hearing the truth and
fights it. Since they are ego based, whatever truth they perceive must
originate or at least mirror their ego's beliefs within themselves for them to
accept
it. The truth based personality does just the opposite. They are thankful for
the truth wherever they find it and readily adopts it as soon as they learn
of it.

As they say in philosophy circles, "The contemplative mind finds its joy in
discovering the truth." To give you a clue on how I operate, I spend a lot of
time in contemplation and looking for truth. So looking within and being open,
honest and willing to change is a good start to becoming truth based in your
life and in your recovery work. But even with the best intentions the
acceptance of the truth sometimes takes time. Some addicts adopt truth later
rather
than sooner, but they work to adopt it none the same. This can be seen in some
of
the quotes above where the truth has taken some time to sink in with these
addicts. I try to base my posts on truth or principles rather than
personalties. The truth is that which does not change - whereas personalties
constantly
change. In the end, all you have to is to please yourself, you don't have to
please me or anyone else. If your addictions make you happy then no one will
take
them away from you, other than yourself, so have no fear. I am not a preacher
or here to save your souls - I am here for myself first and you as a distant
second. This is what is meant by the phrase "selfish program" when it comes to
12 step work. If we do not put ourselves first, then who will?

What I write about are mainly universal truth so they apply to ALL addicts
that seek recovery, so I don't play the game of wording my posts as certain
addicts wish them to be worded. I will include an old post about this subject
of
"universal application" after this letter. As I mentioned before, recovery is
a choice just as addiction is a choice. Some will disagree and say no one
chooses addiction, but the truth is every choice we make in life either supports
recovery or furthers addiction - so the path is laid out for us in these two
directions. As far as my not sharing any ESH? (Experience, Strength and Hope)
The issue of not finding ESH in my posts stems from your own personal
prejudices and blindness and not from a lack of willingness on my part to share
any
ESH. All problems are created in the mind and these are just such problems that
are created in your mind and bother you but do not bother me. You have to come
to peace with them for yourself...I am already at peace. This mystery of
finding the phantom ESH within my posts can best be answered with a famous quote
from Russell Cronwell, "With the same material one man builds a palace and
another only builds a hovel" I've already built my palace with my recovery
material in all 8 of my 12 step programs and it is your turn to build your own -
but
I cannot build it for you. Personally I try not to pigeon hole people and
their philosophy into "all black or all white" otherwise this practice will lead
a
person to blindness. Seldom is a thing totally one or the other, we can
usually find good and bad in all things. We cannot solve our problems with the
same
thinking that we used when we created them so must be open to new ideas.
Psychologist William James once said, "A great many people believe they are
thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." And each time an
addict
writes the blanket statement that I offer no ESH in any of my writings this
prejudice and blindness on their part is shown by such statements.

Plutarch was the priest of the Delphic Oracle in 100 AD and wrote "Just as a
life of virtue yields its own reward, a life of vice yields its own
punishment" While this statement speaks much wisdom, it fails to show the entire
picture. Yes, virtue offers rewards to us, but vices or addictions also offer
rewards
as well as you will see below. We can walk the path of recovery and enjoy the
benefits is bestows on us but this path takes work and pain sometimes to
follow. Or we can walk the path of vices and enjoy the pleasure they yield, but
must accept the pain that accompanies this course as well. We are always free
to head either way, but when we enjoy excessive vice, we must also pay the
price and accept the consequences. It is law of nature that a price must be
paid
if we choose to practice our addictions and no one should be mad when they
have to "pay to play." If we accept that we can practice our addictions, but
must
pay a price, then it should not make us mad reading about others that choose
a different path of denying themselves the pleasure addictions offer but
receive pleasure from the areas of abstinence. This same opportunity is open to
us
whether we choose the pleasure of our recovery or the pleasures our
addictions.

What is ultimate truth for us sometimes has two sides to it and it is good to
remember this point. Certain Buddhists and Taoists I run into, especially the
debaters, great philosophers and sensationalists, like to promote the idea of
there is "no right and wrong" to judge in life. Taoist's believe that if we
do not favor right or wrong, good or bad, beauty or ugliness we will not become
attached to such outcomes. They also believe that the cosmic forces do not
favor any of these things but treat all with equanimity, so they wish to mimic
the cosmos to be in unity with it. While this extreme view of "no right or
wrong" holds some truth, it also needs to be balanced with the idea of the
conventual view of right and wrong to find a balanced "middle path" view of
right and
wrong if we wish to live within society. In general, we cannot say what is
good bad, right or wrong for others since we do not know where they are on the
path of their existence and what they need to learn or overcome to get where
they are going. On the other hand, decisions have to be made to survive in our
world and when decision have to be made so do judgments have to be decided
on-so yes we must have a basis for deciding to go left or right in life. The
part
of this idea that helps me with anger and prejudice with others is to remember
we cannot tell others what is right for them. We can make suggestions, but
since we are not the "end all" in the universe we just do not know.
Consequently, I try to give addicts the freedom to pursue either path, not
knowing or
being in a position to dictate what they need to learn in this life, so I hope
you
will allow me the same courtesy. It is our own choice in which direction we
choose, so knowing we have free will and nothing I write can be forced on you
don't get angry or upset with whatever I write, for they are only words. I am
not ordering you to stop, change or do anything. If you wish to enjoy your
addictions and accept there is a price to pay for participating in them then
please go right ahead in this direction. And if you don't like that way of life
anymore, then seek out another way to live - but it must be your choice and can
never be mine or a choice that is ordered on you by another. This is where
the defining choice comes in. Do we find more pleasure in recovery or find more
pleasure in addiction?

As for "over the top," always remember someone has to be on top with
addiction. Either our addictions works us on its terms or we can work the
addiction on
the recovery programs terms - so I would much rather be on top of the
addiction than the other way around. When you have such conscious thoughts
towards
the cultivation of recovery, so that whatever action you are engaged in - it is
always evaluated from that orientation - then you can find great success with
improving your life from applying this single pointed dedication to change and
your recovery practice and life becomes as one. It is true that we cannot do
everything the same as other people do, but that is not the issue. The
question we have to ask ourselves is are we looking for an excuse to quit or and
excuse to continue with recovery? Are we doing everything we can in the
direction
of getting better and not leaving a stone unturned in our quest? Sure we will
find much junk and waste, but when you mine for diamonds you always have to
discard much useless waste. There is always a direction for recovery work to
flourish if we look for it, so don't try to copy me or anyone else exactly. Do
what you can do and work in a direction that serves you irrespective of what
others say or do.

For those that want a different path than the addiction and pain relationship
there is a method to our madness to realize that I detail below in the 7
benefits addictions provide addicts. Realizing that there is a pleasure -
benefits
- pain relationship with addictions helps with taking some of the guilt and
shame off our backs. It is also good to have clarity about what fuels our
actions.

We derive the following benefits from participating in our various addictions.

1) Pain Reliever

Addictions help distract us from our pain. Most of this pain is generated
from an endless cycle of wrong living that produces more pain and requires more
drugging through the application of our various addictions to try and diminish
the pain. Other times we use this pain relief our addictions provide us to
dull physical pain we might be suffering from health problems just as a doctor
gives us a pill to take to dull the pain. You can do an experiment in this pain
relief area. If you have pain in your hand for instance, start stoking you
arm lightly. It diminishes the pain in one area and pout new concentration in a
sensation elsewhere. Addicts take natural pain relievers and turn them into
pain generators. Handicapped addicts suffering great pain have a much harder
time with finding peace - for there is never a complete escaping of their pain
even if they restructure their life. Such addicts should get support from "like
kind" and seek out recovery groups along this specialized area of handicapped
addicts as well as using traditional recovery groups.

2 Pressure Relief

We use addictions to help blow off stream from stressed and unbalanced life
we live though overextending ourselves to the point of breaking by living a
lifestyle of "jugglers syndrome" and by having too many irons in the fire. In a
lecture I once heard, Thich Nhat Hanh describes the Buddha as sitting on a
lotus blossom which was regarded as a sign of peace and serenity in earlier
times.
Hanh goes on to say that nowadays, many people sit on burning coals instead
of sitting on a lotus blossom, so no wonder they cannot find any peace. We make
no time for inner peace, we are too busy for such useless things a meditation
and relaxation. It feels good to get drunk and drugged up or spend money and
acquire things or eat junk foods or have sex or even blow up in rage once in a
while. One person mentioned how "profanity" provides a release denied even
by prayer, so for some of us having a rage attack can provides a pressure
relief. I had to learn to channel my pressure through other healthy release
valves
as well as not participating in a life that built up excess pressure within
me. Adrenal steroids (cortisol) secreted when a person is under stress reach the
brain and over time can affect the structure of the brain. We also produce
cortisol from any other stressors the body perceives, whether it is physical
stress, such as a sickness, injury, surgery, or temperature extremes as well as
psychological stress that we and the world put on us. Each of us has produces
a different amount of these chemicals and has a different sensitivity to them
and this might be the missing link as to a part of the question as to why some
of us are more addictive than others with how we each produce and react to
these stress chemicals differently.

3) Time Filler

The devil finds work for idle hands - Thoreau. Many time I have heard an
addict say they went to their addiction out of boredom cause they had nothing
else
to do to pass time. Developing a list of positive time fillers that are
healthy and sustainable was a big breakthrough for me with my recovery work. (My
earlier post entitled "Positive Time Fillers" goes into more detail on this
subject, if you missed it and want a copy write me.)

4) Escape Vehicle

Addictions make great escape vehicles to distract us from our problems - most
of what we have created for ourselves by living unbalanced lives. We get
enough problems in life for free - no use adding fuel to the fire. This is what
Voluntary Simplicity does for me in a nutshell. It helps reduce the problems I
generate on my end and makes life more bearable so less escaping of the
present is needed. I try and catch myself when I practice this escapism and work
to
bring my thoughts back to the present. Whenever the fantasy starts I check to
see what I am escaping from? Why do I fixate on something else instead of
where I'm at? Are the problems and reasons I am trying to escape from due to
irregularities, falsehoods or lies I perpetuate? Can I change these problems or
do I have to work on accepting them as the serenity prayer says? Being
dishonest was the foundation of most of my earlier troubles. Once I started
with the
12 steps in correcting these irregularities, things got slowly better and this
gave me hope to keep working in the right direction. Inventory work
identifies all these problems and gets them off your back when you give them
away. No
one is perfect, even so-called normal people go too far once in a while, so we
should not beat ourselves trying to hold ourselves to a standard above the
normal, non addicted person. As addicts we become super sensitized to our
various addictions and can really beat ourselves with anything associated with
them.
But, we have to continue to take inventory work as long as we live and
correct any mistakes as soon as we realize them if we want continued peace. (My
6
page post entitled "Putting Peace First" goes into more detail on this
subject, if you missed it and want a copy write me.) Practicing mindfulness of
the
present moment as part of a Buddhist practice has helped with staying in the
present as well as working the 12 steps to restructure my life into one that is
pleasant to live and not one I need to hide from.

5) Pleasure Vehicle

As sensation addicts we like the sensation we get when we participate in our
addiction. It feels good to receive the brain chemicals or high I get when I
participate in my drug of choice. In short, if it feels good I over do it and
keep doing it until it turns into pain - then and only then I know I need to
stop.
The normal person does not have to go this far to know when to stop, and if
they do go too far, they quickly turn things around as they see the activity
not a healthy way to live. Not so with addicts, as they will refuse to stop even
under penalty of jail or death. This is what's separates the addicts from the
normal person - stopping ability. I had to accept that some things are just
too exciting for my sensations and stimulate my brain chemicals too much to
play with, irrespective of fixing the hole in my soul or not. I learned to use
new positive ways to feel good that were sustainable and not destructive. But,
addiction recovery is never a perfect path. Some addictions require
participation in such as eating, spending or sex and an addict must have
mechanical tools
of clarity as well as spiritual tools for inner recovery to develop a
balanced recovery program with these addictions. (If you missed my earlier post
entitled "Mechanical and Spiritual Tools of Recovery" and what a copy write me)
But, once we experience a change in our path of living and we see we can derive
pleasure from other areas that are healthy and sustainable, we can see there
is a choice in how we live and decide on which path to take. Balanced living is
also of prime concern - or following the middle path of moderation the Buddha
laid out in his teachings. A path of moderation which rejects both sensory
indulgence and the extremes of self mortification and denial. When we find more
pleasure in staying abstinent, sober solvent and are living a balanced life
within our comfortable means we have turned the corner and are home.

In the book "How to Want What You Have" it details the addicts plight.

"People who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of sensual pleasure find that
the more pleasure they get, the more they want. Small, ordinary pleasures
soon lose their power to please and must be replaced with more intense or exotic
ones. Heedless sensualists usually meet a bad end. They learn the hard way
that their desires are relentless and insatiable."

6) Mystical or Religious Experience

Yes, our addiction is our religion. All our addictions have pleasure aspects
within them and we get rewards for participating in them in the form of
euphoric experiences. Euphoric experience can be related to the spiritual as
well.
The definition of a religious mystic is one that partakes in an altered state
of conciseness with God / god or the spiritual realm. Our addictions also give
us this altered state of consciousness and feeling of euphoria. So, we can
say that our drugs are our gods and our addiction is our religion. There is a
reason to our madness - it is not just pure madness as most addicts think.

7) Death Sentence

Finally, if all else fails - addictions are great killers and destroyers of
life. What benefit do we get from destruction? I guess it can best be explained
from something told to me from an old sponsor in DA. He one said, "If we are
spiritually sick we will find a way to get rid of the money no matter what."
Well, the addict that is spiritually sick will do the same with their life -
they will get rid of it. Don't confuse spirituality with religion here.
Spirituality deals with the unseen and our inner self, but has little to do with
being
pious. One writer describes religion as "dealing with social cohesion and
spirituality as dealing with inner transformation." I discuss this in an
earlier
post called "On Meditation and Finding Universal Truth." We can be very
spiritual people and still not be a member of an organized religion. I go into
this
in more detail in an earlier post called "I Am Having Trouble With Steps 2
and 3" if you wish either copy, write me.

An old post on "Universal Truths" ( The short version)

It is always interesting to see what people get out of a written post and
have comments on. Some people spend more time discussing the color of the book
than what is written inside. The watchdogs will always find the error that
they can comment on...this is where they get their self worth from. Some
addicts
find it more profitable for them to concentrate on criticizing others
programs rather than working their own programs. While one addict complained I
do not
use "I" enough, another addict wrote me and complained I must be an
ego-maniac because I used the word "I" 21 times in a post. So whether it is I,
You, We
or They, sick addicts will always find something to concentrate on other than
their own recovery and it is impossible to please everyone.

I give little attention to whether I use "You"-"I"-"We"-"They" when I write
about "universal truths" that apply to all addicts. An example for instance,
"You are not recovering until you start refusing...refusing the old, sick ways
that got you here." When I write "You," I can use it 2 ways. If I address a
letter to someone personally and say to them as a direction; "you have to do
x,y,z," this is one way to use "You." But, "You" has a different meaning to me
when I read my own writing constantly as self talk and as a recovery reminder to
me too. It is similar to when we talk to ourselves and say, "you are going to
get into trouble." This is the second way I use it, especially when my
writing is addressed to all addicts at large and no one in particular. I read
my
own posts as reminders to me too, so I write them as I like to read them. I also
use the writing for the secondary purpose of addressing other addicts.

How can I speak for others saying certain statements are universal truths?
Going back to the "recovery by refusing" slogan, If this was not the case with
EVERYONE seeking recovery, then we could say we will get better by *increasing*
our old sick ways and saying *yes* to more sickness and addiction, etc. When
I write about decreasing clutter, fat, debt, addicts can test this universal
statement by looking to the opposite end of the spectrum for recovery and see
how their lives will be impacted by increasing their clutter, increasing their
fat, increasing their debt and increasing their addiction sickness to find
recovery. So, whether I say you, I, we or they it has little bearing in my mind,
since certain statements are universal truths that applies to all addicts.
Some people don't like this style but it has got me to where I'm at today.

I guess someone could argue the opposite of "you are not recovering until you
start refusing" statement with the case that an addict has to get sicker to
hit bottom before they can find true recovery, so refusing the old sick ways
will just prolong the sickness and they need to increase them. But I am not
debating it from all angles and playing games. I am just speaking generally and
as
a bottom line statement. That sickness needs to be decreased in addicts as a
universal truth, whereas adding more sickness will lead an addict down the
wrong direction.

The Buddhists have a set of rules they use to determine what are definitive
truths and what are not. This can also be applied to such questions.

1) Do not rely on just the person but rely on the doctrine.

2) With respect to the doctrine, do not rely on just the words, but rely on
the meaning.

3) With respect to the meaning, do not rely on just meaning requiring
interpretation, but rely on meaning that is definitive.

4) With respect to definitive meaning, do not rely on just dualistic
understanding but rely on the wisdom of the direct perception of the truth.

The Dalai Lama mentions many a time that he wishes to cause no one any harm
or pain with what he says or writes. He tells them if they find something
useful in what he says, then feel free to make us of it and apply it to their
life.
And if anything he has said upsets them, then don't worry about it and just
forget it. Please do the same thing with my posts. If you find something
useful in them, then by all means put it into practice in your own life or feel
free to share my writing for whatever noncommercial recovery purpose you see
fit.
And if you see nothing useful in my posts and they anger or upset you, then
please forget what I have wrote and don't worry about it at all.


Take Care,


V (Male)


For access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive spending,
debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write: vfr44@.... Any opinion
expressed here is that of my own and is not the opinion, recommendation or
belief of any group or organization


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