**** I wrote this for an other list I am on I hope that no one takes
offense to my posting it here it is a little off topic. But I also
hope that the women on this list will reply to what I have written
too! :)

Some of the comments are not directed towards those on this list whom
I think are more enlightened,:)
My Revelation
By Jami Ullman, LPN, CHIV/AIDS Educator, Doula

I have been a practicing Humanist for many years recently I realized
many insights of a sexual nature about myself. For many years now I
have been a practicing Nurse and have an intense passion for Women's
Health and childbirth specifically. I have been very unsuccessful at
breaking the bearers to males in this area of nursing. Nevertheless,
with a need to work in this area I have broken the bearers in some
ways through the gender non-specific Internet. I have an online Doula
business and am a member of many e groups, list serves and part of
the administration of the Associations of Nurse Advocates for
Childbirth Solutions (ANACS) a professional association for
Childbirth professionals. In recent times I had a revelation about
males in this area not just Nurses.

It seems to me that the major opposition to a male nurse caring for a
laboring woman is not from the client but her partner. I have read on
some of the list serves I am on that many of the spouses or male
partners would prefer a female lesbian provider compared to a male
homosexual provider. The thought as to why this is has intrigued me
as both a male and a person who desires to work in this area of
healthcare as a career beyond this passion that allows me to work
outside the birthing room.

I pondered this while looking into myself for some of the answers. I
too would prefer a female lesbian provider for my spouse of 21 years!
I thought about that and it occurred to me this is not an issue of
gender or sexual preferences but an issue of sexual excitement. Many
males have a fantasy of lesbian lovers and it is appreciated and
condoned, where as these same males (myself included) are completely
turned off by the thought of two males having sex or at least refuse
to admit these desires. To them and myself, the thought of a Female
lesbian OB doing an GYN exam is sexual and not clinical. It is not
that the male Homosexual is less competent or clinical in his duties,
it is that he is not cut right! They would prefer their female
partner seek a female OB even if she is a lesbian, second to a
Homosexual male OB! It is all sexual in nature whether they accept it
or rationalize it in other ways.

You may ask how do I know this? I looked at myself, I was willing to
deny the fact that looking at a female's body for me was purely
clinical and that my sexual preferences were left at the door when I
reported to work. This would be like amputating my penis at the door,
impossible it is attached and part of my even if I deny its
existence. ! Do I get sexual urges while providing care? NO I have
been able to squash any personal feelings while providing care, it is
a state of mind and part of my professionalism and ethics I adhere
too. Now outside of clinical situations I am a man and do have those
urges and desires! Does this seem like I am lying to myself? I admire
the female form and the special abilities GOD has given women to bear
and nurse children! Do I see them as sexual beings, YES just as I see
all beings as sexual beings it is a fact of life and holistic as we
are more than just biology.

For many years I would tell people that the breast are intended for
one purpose to nurse a suckling baby to provide nutrition. It is a
lie, I was lying to myself as well as those I have counseled. They
are beautiful and have that innate ability as well as beauty of the
form and curves. I can no longer deny these facts! On a personal
note, I was not breast-fed and feel that I missed a crucial and
critical moment in my life to bond with my mother, I do not know if
this is relevant but it is true. My mother and I have not spoken to
each other in ove 10 years. I also know that in our biology, we have
hormones that are released during suckling to the breast and it is a
natural reaction to the stimulus. During the stimulus of suckling a
hormone is released called Oxytocin, the same hormone that contracts
the uterus after childbirth. An other hormone is also released as a
result of the stimuli of suckling, called prolactin following
childbirth for the "let down" effect at the first feeding following
the birth of the baby. The point of this discussion here about
suckling is that after the time a woman breast feeds the hormone
Oxytocin is still released and during sexual intercourse when the
breast are stimulated, this same hormone has been known to cause an
spasms in the uterine walls and an orgasm in a woman without any
perineum or vaginal stimulation.

Why did I mention this here? Because it's a matter of a state of mind
just as the mother while breast feeding usually does not have an
orgasm, so can a male in a clinical situation curb his normal
response to this sexual stimuli, specifically the female form which I
personally find to be perfect and very sexually attractive! I will
say it was not something I was born with. This skill, is one I had to
hone early in my career. My first female client of childbearing age,
whom I gave a bath was a challenge to curb my natural response to
this stimuli, I had an erection that I had to think away. Once I did
this with success and learned it was a possibility I became that much
a better nurse and care giver! This was back in Nursing School!

Then there are those clients who must be apparent exhibitionist. A
particular client and event comes to mind, that occurred over five
years ago. I had a client in a physician's office that needed a
physical therapy treatment on her lower back in the sacral area, she
was a regular client who I had preformed this treatment on several
times before this. I provided her with towels and a gown, as I always
do and started to leave the room for her privacy. She responded with
wait! She proceeded to remove all her clothing down to her panties.
She took off her bra and I was surely puzzled by this action, as this
is not the area of her body I was working on.

Ouch, that was a moment much later than when I was in school giving
that bath to a client. I had no sexual reaction. I tried to hide my
shock and bewilderment for the sake of the client and so as not to
embarrass her. I think it bewildered her too! As she said something a
few minutes later to the effect of please do not think I take off my
clothes all the time like this, I just wanted this to be quick. Hum,
in my mind, I was shocked at this client's inappropriate behavior,
yes I said her inappropriate behavior. She was a woman who was very
attractive beyond average and of high social status. I often wonder
when I think back to this event, what she was thinking when she did
that?

All I know is what I was thinking. I was not thinking how beautiful
her body is but how inappropriate of her to strip in front of me. I
have come a long way (no pun intended). I told my life partner and
wife about this incident, she was not threatened by what happened and
knows I have truly made a stride for males in my field without
denying my maleness and that this career choice is not a sexual. I
have written this in hopes that many will look at their motives for
saying negative comments about male providers of care on this list,
and look inward where these biases start!


Peace,
Have a Blessed Day,
Jami Ullman, LPN, CHIV/AIDS Community Instructor, Doula

Please visit my club for Doulas and Midwives at
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/columbusmidwifesanddoulas

and my web site at:
http://www.geocities.com/4birthing/crowning.html

I also invite you to join a Nursing Association devoted to improving
the childbirth experience:
http://www.ANACS.org