I know how hard it is to wake up in the morning and function as a
part of the world when I feel as though I am not part of it. The
endless questions in my mind making it impossible for me to have
peace. The doubt in myself, and every other living soul on the
planet that makes me second guess everything I do. And then I
remember what I felt like when I was the victim a long time ago, how
helpless, alone, and worthless.
I also wondered if I would ever be reunited with my innocent
siblings. We were blameless, and yet we paid the ultimate price. The
years of lost time, and memories haunt me, and they also drive me to
take on the world. I lost my family because of childhood abuse. I
see and feel the suffering of the million plus children within the
system today going through the same pain, and uncertainty I went
through, and i can no longer sit by and hope that the system will
get better on its own.
I must get involved. I must take a stand. It is time this
country had the horrific reality, and its true affects on not only
the body, but the mind revealed. There are people in this country
who just don't have a clue. The child protective system is in need
of help on all levels. They lack the money, manpower, training, and
compassion to address the issues that plague our country. the
children within the system are innocent, and yet they are being
punished because the public is not informed.
We, the formers, need to tell them. I have lobbied in my state,
as well as all of the others. But being one person, I don't have
much success. I have also lobbied on the federal level, but again I
have been pawned off because they say it is the individual states
issue. I thought we were a country, and we were supposed to look
after one another.
I guess I am not supposed to care about children in Florida
that go missing because some untrained, overworked social worker
isn't paying attention. And I am not supposed to care about other
states stealing kids because they are confused as to what is or
isn't abuse, or in Californias case, for federal money. Am I not to
care for children who die within the system because of lax policies,
and people not doing his/her job? Who speaks for those who have no
voice?
No one spoke for my brother and I. I wish the had. Maybe things
would have turned out differently. The courts, and the child
protection system say they care, but I know they really don't. I
tried to test my theory by contacting one of my former social
workers, and she wouldn't even talk to me. If that is caring, I
would hate to see what they did if they say they didn't care.
Abuse scarred us all for life. You will never really be over
it, but with help you will be able to cope. These children now need
our help. Those who haven't been victimized may be able to imagine
our pain, but they will never be able to get the full affect unless
they have experienced what we have. We can each bring something to
the table, but the time is now. Be safe, and I wish you all health,
and happiness. John