December 20, 2008

By: Staff Writers
Connecticut DCF Watch

DCF Fabricate Neglect Charges Against Santa for Child Neglect.

Hartford, CT - According to sources at the I.N.S., Santa Claus ("Mr. Claus")
will be deported to the North Pole for being an illegal alien. Santa is being
held at an undisclosed location to have other formal charges brought against him
by other federal and state agencies. Christmas will have to go on without Mr.
Claus.

Department of Children and Family ("DCF") will also be conducting a formal
investigation on Mr. Claus for allegedly playing with elves and neglecting
children. Mr. Claus told us "off-the-record" that the elves were actually
hundreds of years old but he liked jerking DCF around because they harm so many
children and lie about it.

Santa stated, "it's easy to spot a DCF worker's house, it's the one with the
giant fat ass imprint in the sofa and you'll see stickers of skull and
crossbones on the side of thier car indicating how many families they have
distroyed". He also allows all the reindeers do their business on their homes.

Santa stated, "these workers care more about their bonuses then children's
happiness". Santa also said, "DCF has been after him for years" and that "the
charges were fabricated by DCF as most charges are." According to Mr. Claus's
attorneys Duey, Cheatim and Howe, " Mr. Claus does not live in Connecticut, DCF
lacks all jurisdiction in the matter."

Santa did give a clue on where DCF workers come from when asked. He said when
the aliens crashed in Roswell, NM, several survived and mated with the
Waterbuffalo and the rest is history. We told Santa that was tastless and he
said, "not with the right Bar-B-Que sauce".

DCF spokesman, Mr. Cleblack said, "that the list Santa uses on who is naughty
and nice harms children". Spokes person for Santa responded stating, "we must
hold everyone accountable for thier bad behavior and bad behavior should never
be rewarded" and, "DCF should take a look at themselves, they harm more children
then all the parents put together". DCF approves of bad behavior and rewards
it.

Santa will also be formally charged of having in his possession reindeer of the
flying variety which are very rare and not having the proper permitting. He
will also be charged with circumventing customs with merchandise he failed to
claim and failing to have the reindeer immunized and not having the proper tags
in accordance with livestock statutes.

There will also be charges brought by the FAA for failing to have the proper
clearances to fly into U.S. airspace and failing to file a proper flight plan.
He will also be charged with landing illegally on residential roofs not approved
by the FAA.

Santa will also have one charge of using a flashing red light on a reindeer
without a red-light permit as required by law. The humane society will be
looking into the use of lights on animals.

Santa has been using multiple names and aliases to stay ahead of DCF.





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