Last week I had my children taken away by CPS. My exhusband and his
sister had convinced my older son (he is 15 today, and I doubt I'll
even be able to talk to him on the phone) that any time I tried to
discipline him, it was abuse & he should call the police & CPS. My
ex's sister lives with an office assistant from their office, although
she frequently has made it sound like her roommate is a supervisor in
the department, and not an office assistant. That is where the "clout"
comes in, not because my ex has any money or political influence. He
lives off the backs of women. During the 6 years we were married he
never held a job, & worked full time, and he had a business selling
incense that he barely did anything on, I was the driving force behind
that too. I worked overtime whenever I could, and I would frequently
come home from work to find the kitchen dirty & the baby in soiled
diapers. So I would change her diaper, clean the kitchen, then make
dinner after working an 8-10 hour day, while he sat on the sofa &
talked about how tired he was from everything he had done all day. I
thought he had an anxiety disorder (turns out I was half right, I
thought he had social anxiety, turns out he had general anxiety) so I
told him finally in the end that he had 3 choices, get a job, see a
shrink, or get out. Instead he held a knife to his wrist.
We have been divorced since 2002, but a couple times he lost his
residence, so I let him come stay with me. The last time he was
staying with me when I met my boyfriend & made plans for my boyfriend
to meet the kids. (this may get confusing because my boyfriend and my
exhusband have the same first name, so I refer to my ex as steven and
my bf as steve). At the time, I went to school 3 days a week for 12
hours a day. When I got home, steven began complaining about how
difficult his day was, where had I been (class was kept late so I
missed the last bus of the night and had to walk 2-3 miles home at 10
pm in january during a cold snap), I must have been whoring around
with another guy. I got upset & called steve, who heard how upset I
was and offered to come over. When Steven heard that steve was coming
over, he woke my 14 year old son to have him tell me how much he (my
son) disapproved of me having this guy come over. Steven could never
fight his own battles, but always got someone else to do it for him,
usually resorting to one of my children.
I had police come out several times, and always determine that the
story was skewed. In one case, my son claimed that my boyfriend had
attacked him (I was at work when it happened), but his younger brother
& sister told the police that in fact my son had hit my bf, and all my
bf did was hold my son in an attempt to not be hit. The fact that my
bf had a bruise on his chest for a few weeks when my son had not a
mark on him also backs up the younger childrens version. I'll be
getting a copy of that police report today. Another time I told my son
to go to his room, he refused, so I tried to drag him in, at which
point he hit me about 5 times in the same place on my arm. I was
bruised for 5 weeks. I called the police, my son tried to claim that I
was abusing him, they looked at me, looked at him, and asked me if I
wanted HIM arrested for abusing ME. I said not this time, but if my
son didnt behave that might have to be an option. I hope to have
sufficient funds to get a copy of that report too.
So the focus suddenly shifted from my older son to my younger one,
who is 4. CPS got a call that I was abusing him, and this time the
case landed on the desk of a woman who decided that this many calls
must mean that I was guilty and just hadnt been caught yet. When they
came in, I hadnt changed the cat box, and had only done 3 loads of
dishes out of 4, so there was one sinkful left. They woke the children
at 1 am to remove them from my home, and have charged me with
misdemeanor child neglect and abuse. I am a 41 year old woman with a
24 year old daughter, who is grown, lives in a nearby city a few hours
drive away & has a good job and just got married a few months ago. She
wrote a letter basically stating that for the most part I am a good
mother who could probably benefit from a few classes in parenting as
my own parents did such an abysmal job (which I cant deny).
They are also charging my boyfriend, who lives with me.
At the staffing meeting, where they supposedly decided whether to
let the kids come home or not, they claimed that the younger children
were afraid to come home, but my older son, thought that I "had
learned my lesson" and wanted to come home because he thought I
wouldnt "abuse" them anymore. In fact, a few days later, when I had my
visit with the kids, none of them acted afraid of me, and the youngest
said flat out that he wanted to come home with me. The only one who
DIDNT say she wanted to come home with me was my 11 year old daughter,
who has been showing some signs of possibly having the same anxiety
disorder as her father (all the kids have different fathers), and who
seems to think that she & her brothers will be able to live with her
dad, who will let them stay up till all hours, and she'll be able to
keep going to her school (he lives in a nearby city about a half hours
drive away, and doesnt have a car) and nothing else will change except
which parent she goes home to. I spent most of the weekend crying, but
now I realize that if I just lay down & cry, they win. So I'll be
spending most of today looking for work (I lost my job about a month
ago because of my gender, and in fact I'll have to reschedule an
appointment to file sexual harrasment charges agains my former
employer because that falls on the same day as my court hearing &
mediation for this. If theres anyone out there who can help me, please
feel free to write, call, flap your arms & fly in, hop on a
broomstick, I dont care, just HELLPPPP! (yes I have always used humor
as a coping mechanism in the worst of times, doesnt mean I'm happy per
se, just means I'm trying to make it not seem as bad as it is.)