If your son could tell a counselor, (school counselor? Psychiatrist? Maybe someone at the free legal clinic or women’s shelter) that his dad abuses him and could also say that you have never hit him, it would help to start a wave from his father to you. Even though you have a past, it isn’t against this child- so if you get to a legal situation again, you, your son and your husband would have to indicate that no abusive actions have happened since you got away from the son’s father- amongst ANY of you.

There are things you can do to protect your son. If a child gets hit and/or has a mark, calls 911 and tells the police when they get there that his dad hit him, the dad will be arrested at the very least. If you just teach your son to call 911 if someone spanks him, he might save himself! Also, if you notice that there are certain days or times that the father seems more likely to be abusive, you could simple arrange it so that your son is with him during his most “mellow” times.

The father’s record isn’t that clean either since the women’s shelter will have a record of you coming because of him.

You didn’t say why there was a warrant out for your arrest. If it was because you bruised your step-daughter, you would have been arrested when or before protective services came. Plus, I don’t understand why you would have a 3^rd degree conviction for just bruising a child, or why they would still let you have joint custody with a 3^rd degree conviction.

-Jenn

Hi.  My name is Tara.  I'm 32 years old and live in Michigan.  I have
a long story to tell, and I'm in the process of taking some serious
steps and need some advice on what to do, but I need to tell my story
before I ask for the advice.

I was married to this monster.  I was with him for 7 years, he was
abusive to me, physically a few times, but mostly mental and
emotional abuse.  About 6 months after we were married, his daughter
(then 6 years old) came to live with us.  I believe due to the trauma
and stress of being in this type of relationship (while I'm not
making excuses for myself, what I did is what I did and I can't erase
the past), I snapped and abused my then step-daughter.  Protective
services were called on me, and because of some bruising that I left
behind, his daughter was removed from the home.  When this happened,
she was 10 years old, and my son was 3.  They also removed my son
from the home and placed him into foster care because of a new "law"
they passed, where if one child is suspected of child abuse, not only
do they take that child out of the home, but all of the children. 
They were never able to prove any harm was done to my son, but they
took him anyways.  It was the most awful day of my life.  They
wouldn't even let me say goodbye to him.

I found out sometime later that there was a bench warrant out for my
arrest.  Due to advice from my attorney, she told me to turn myself
in.  I went in for my preliminary hearing, and I was let go on bond. 
When it came time for my sentencing, I was sentanced for 60 days in
jail.  When I got out of jail, things got worse between my then
husband and I.  A few months after my release, I ended up fleeing for
my life and sought out shelter for abused women.  He threatend to
kill me and said if I left him my life would be a living he**.  To
make a long story short, I sought out a divorce.  We are currently
divorced.  During our divorce, my son was released to "our custody"
until we could decide on our custody agreement.  Because of my
criminal charge, my attorney told me to take whatever visitation
schedule we came up with, because I wouldn't stand a chance fighting
for full custody with my conviction still so fresh.  I agreed to
(unwillingly, of course) a bi-weekly schedule with my ex-husband.  We
share him every other week and certain holidays, depending on what
year it is. 

I am now married to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen.  He
loves my son and I very much, and we both think it's time to start
fighting for full custody of my son.  Here's the problem.  I can't
afford an attorney.  I have a 3rd degree child abuse conviction on my
belt.  I went to a free legal clinic to see if I can qualify for pro-
bono services.  They told me they COULD represent me, but are
choosing not to because even they don't think I stand a chance
because of my conviction.  My ex-husband is still verbally abusive,
not to mention he's neglecting our son and not taking very good care
of him.  I have no proof of physical abuse, although my 4 year old
tells me "daddy spanks me, daddy hurts me and my sister hits me."

What should I do?  I am still on probabtion (I got 2 years
probation), which will be over in 4 months.  My thought is to call
CPS and file a report on him and the neglect of our son.  My husband
says let's file a motion!  But I really don't think I stand a
chance.  Does anyone have any resources for me or any advice?  My ex-
husband will be coming into alot of money soon, and I have a feeling
if I file a motion for even change of custody, I'll be over my head,
because he'll have the money to get a really good attorney.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks.