Hey,
Haven't been on in a while. My email for some reason was bouncing this
groups emails. The first email i get from this group was a singles
website from brittney-steele810@.... It came as the
only message in the digest.

I just think its sad that people with real problems come here for help
and people seem to treat it as a joke or their own personal add agency.

Like in a real meeting I think outside issues need to stay outside so
that we can share our experience, strength, and hope to those that are
hurting. Not to mention further our own healing.

Just my opinion.
Angel

allison here is alanon website for northern illinois it has an online meeting
directory hope
this helps

http://www.niafg.org/

yours in service
howard

-- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "ajkenady" <ajkenady@y...> wrote:
>
> Hi.  My name is Alison and I live in the Pilsen area.  Most meetings near me
> are Spanish-speaking.  I need to find an English-speaking meeting near me.
> Any suggestions?
>

where is that?? i live in houston, so i only know mtgs around here, try
alanon.com or a/a might also have listings. alot of the a/a members have wives
in alanon so they know where they are. write me back if u need more help, sorry
i dont know where u are so i'm not much help.

ajkenady <ajkenady@...> wrote:  Hi. My name is Alison and I live in the
Pilsen area. Most meetings near me
are Spanish-speaking. I need to find an English-speaking meeting near me.
Any suggestions?







Yahoo! Groups Links










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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi.  My name is Alison and I live in the Pilsen area.  Most meetings near me
are Spanish-speaking.  I need to find an English-speaking meeting near me.
Any suggestions?

Lincoln Park Legacies AFG celebrates a significant milestone in
November 2005 - our first birthday!

Please join us for cake and refreshments on Friday, November 11 at
10:00 am, right after our regular 9:00 am meeting.

We meet each Friday at Lincoln Park Alano Club (LPAC), 2100 N.
Sheffield Ave. (1000 W at Dickens St.) in Chicago.

All are welcome! Please come for our regular meeting also if you
have time. Or join us on any future Friday!

Please print out copies of the flyer and map for your groups (see
links below):

* First birthday celebration flyer and map
http://www.niafg.org/Doc-Flyers/LincolnParkOpen-Nov05.pdf

* NIAFG.org events page
http://www.niafg.org/Events.asp

And please forward this e-mail to your contacts in the fellowship.

Many thanks for your support as we strive to carry the message in
Lincoln Park and the Sheffield/DePaul University neighborhood about
our Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service, and the 36 spiritual
principles embodied in our Steps, Traditions, and Concepts.

Good morning ... I'm new here. I am looking for Chicago Al-anon
meeting or Al-anon meetings geared for partners of people with
marajauna addiction. Would appreciate any information. Thanks, S.

Hi Nancy!

I feel your pain!  My husband is the exact same way. I can't say
anything to him re. his input into the household financially or even
just doing things with the family.  Everytime I suggest something he
says to me "I can't handle this nagging"  He says I'm very negative
and I need psychiatric help because I won't do what he wants to do.
He seems very selfish and if things don't go his way.  Watch out!
He gets all bent out of shape and starts personally attacking me
saying you are going to be mesirable all your life if you keep being
negative.

So you are not alone!  Since it's hard for me to go to meetings I've
started reading the small book from al-a-non called "One Day at a
time in Al-anon"

Today Wednesday August 10th the "Todays Reminder" reads:

Let me reflect how much damage I may have done, and may still do, by
saying the first thing that comes to mind.  Let me realize that the
worse reaction of unbridled anger falls upon me. What I say in a
single moment of uncontrolled rage can have inconceivable long-range
consequences.

"Be swift fo hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the truth of
man worketh not the righteousness of God"  (General Epistle of James)


Sincerly,

Addicts Wife















--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "nancy" <nancydrew811@g...>
wrote:
> but how do i deal with this pattern of him running away from his
> responsibilities and leaving me to suffer the consequences?  if i
> get mad or even mention an issue without getting mad or nagging,
> just saying "we have bills to pay and there is only $60 in the
> acct." he runs away, avoids me, starts all this negative self-
talk,
> cancels plans that were meaningful to me (our anniversary is on
> thursday and he now doesnt want to go out because he doesnt want
me
> to pay for it, and he says i cant get him any presents because he
> doesnt deserve it, and i know he isnt getting me anything or doing
> anything for me), and runs from his responsibilities like painting
> our front steps which was supposed to be done over a week ago.  i
> just dont know how to handle this situation anymore.  every time
> something comes up that is an "issue" in our marriage this is what
> happens.  we dont even fight about it, i dont nag, i state the
> facts, i dont place blame, i offer solutions, i ask for his input,
i
> thought i was doing things right but nothing changes.  and now i
get
> to have a really bad anniversary and birthday because he is
feeling
> sorry for himself for not being able to manage his money, and i
get
> to spend all my money because he is too irresponsible to be a
> provider for his family.  it just doesnt seem fair.  how do you
deal
> with someone like this?
>
> --- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, Sue Andolfi <leeandsue@s...>
> wrote:
> >
> >
> > nancy <nancydrew811@g...> wrote:
> > hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> > great.  i am so happy to have found such a great support
network.
> i
> > did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard
time
> > calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so
im
> > hoping to find some help online.
> >
> > my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i
am
> > pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved
out
> 6
> > months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our
> marriage
> > back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially
but
> > this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> > weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills
> and
> > expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over
$1000
> > in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account
because
> > he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account
> is
> > overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks
his
> > bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.
im
> > fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> > (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do
> not
> > work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a
> freelance
> > thing and i dint make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have
a
> > trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that
> money
> > wont last forever.
> >
> > all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i*
> will
> > be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> > living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> > while he is living rent free in an air conditioned house owned
by
> his
> > friend.  it doesn't seem fair that our children and i should
have
> to
> > suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
> >
> > i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an
automatic
> > transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> > transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem
with
> > that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> > money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want
> any
> > of his $, i don't even want him to have the opportunity to let
me
> > down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still
> be
> > responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> > they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay
the
> > bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because
> of
> > him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also
if
> i
> > tell him i don't want any of his money then it is up to him to
> create
> > some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially
assist
> > his children.
> >
> > i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he
really
> > wanted to do, but he ddidn'teven try to make it work.  he said
he
> > could never get ahead so he ddidn'tbother trying.  i don't know
> what
> > else to do.
> >
> >
> > Nancy;  Mom had a similar problem so she opened an account on
her
> own and started saving money and putting it in that alone.  Also
> check with an attorney.  Some states have one free at the court
> house to check on legal rights on your financial rights.  Check
out
> salvation army they often have financial ad visors free or sliding
> scale that may be able to help you find ways around things to pay
> the bills.
> >
> > Best Sue
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
> >
> >
> >     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
> >
> >     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> >  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
> >
> >     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I find it very hard to get to meetings when I'm on the road because I
don't always have a vehicle when I am on location.  I don't discuss
this with my colleagues, due to this getting back to my supervisor
which could cause my boss to not feel that I can perform properly.  I
was hoping this online al-a-non could help me while I'm on the road
for 3 weeks at a time.  When I am at home which is about one week out
of a month, I need to spend most of that time with my children.  Since
he goes to his meetings I can't go at the same time because there will
be 2 parents missing for a few hours.  I just feel like it's not fair
to the children if we are both going to meetings all the time.

Any advice that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Wife of an Addict

I can't find it in the directory at all in St. Clair County at all.

"Dennis T." <threelegacies61901@...> wrote:Mel: You can find Al-Anon just
about everywhere you travel. Try
looking up Al-Anon on the Web in the city you are going to; look in
the phone book when you arrive; or call the national Al-Anon World
Services Office at 1-800-344-2666. The WSO will have a list of
meetings close to where you are. Also, if Al-Anon is not listed in
the phone book, try calling a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. They
may have a list of Al-Anon meetings in the area.

Making contact with us on the computer is a start, but there is
nothing like talking face-to-face with someone who understands your
problem because they've been there. And, as it says in our suggested
welcome, You can find contentment, and even happiness, whether the
alcoholic is still drinking or not. We won't tell you what to do, but
we will help you until you can learn to make the choices that are
right for you.

Just know that you are not alone in this journey, and that there are
plenty of people out there praying for you.





-- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "melomite2004"
<melomite2004@y...> wrote:
> Hi,
>
> My name is Melody and I am 36 years old with 2 beautiful children
> ages 17 and 11.  My husband has just been released from an
inpatient
> program.  This is his 5th one to be exact.  So, I still don't feel
> like he's getting it deep down.  His drug of choice is crack
cocaine
> and he also drinks.  It started with the drinking when I met him,
> but I never new it was a problem (had I know then, I probably would
> have ran).  His cocaine started when his own cousin introduced him,
> to it in our own house.  It's been hell ever since.  He's been
> drinking and crackin' on and off for about 12 years.  I don't know
> why I'm still here to tell you the truth.  It's caused the whole
> family to be dysfunctional.  I'm suffering from depression now my
> son doesn't do well in school; and now that my daughter is getting
> older I can see who it is really affecting her as well.
>
> Now that he's out of recovery, what about me.  He's got all the
> tools to try and fight this addition and I don't.  I just wanted to
> try this onlne al-a-non since my career doesn't allow me to attend
> meetings.  I travel 3 weeks out of every month.  I'm hope this will
> help me since I travel from state to state.
>
> If there is anyone who understand what I'm going through and advice
> would help!
>
> Thanks,
>
> Mel




SPONSORED LINKS
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i'm glad I found it too. I am a 53 year old mom.  I didn't want to be a mom
again at 46, not at all.  I found that sometimes God takes over and we are
together through His plan.  I was divorced after 29 years because of this
wonderful child and we are happy together.  However no men my age want a 7 year
old.  Only men my age who drink and no one else wants them. It is very hard to
be a single mom I am finding.  I work all day and feel I owe my off time to her
and feel guilty when I don't.  Sometimes I am really resentful that I can't do
as I please at my age and it is hard to remember how much she really needs me. I
don't want to be alone the rest of my life, yet do have problems spending all my
time with a child.

Thank you! Me too as it pertains to this website group (minus the singles
adds)....Meetings are what we need but it becomes an addtional stress when you
have work, children, and no time to think.  I'm glad I found it too.

momto2inflorida <RACENOT@...> wrote:Thank you for your post, I saved it to
my computer for future
reference.  I am not the original poster, but your words helped me
immeasurably.  My baby is 11 months old, and I just left her father a
month ago, and I find myself in that rut of anger over what he's
doing, and not doing.  I have yet to find an AlAnon group that I can
attend with my work schedule, my older son and my baby, so this group
has been helpful to me even though I'm a long way from Chicago!!
Thanks so much!





--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, Maureen Wudtke <moe345@s...>
wrote:
> As I read your email it is as if I wrote it.  I was in your
position two years ago.  I joined Alanon b/c of this and my rock
bottom status being preg. with baby #2 and my two year old running
around.  Alanon resources, literature, and steps helped me focus on
myself. It does not take away the unfairness, audacity, and server
pain you feel when the reality of your situation forces you to do all
the work, and be 100% responsible.  This is and was and will forever
my biggest obstacle to focusing on myself.  The anger and pain I feel
suffocates me at times and leaves me hopeless,........because I allow
it to.  It is so much easier to focus on my ex-husband and the what
ifs, I feel more in control as if my efforts can change the reality.
However, it is false hope and it ends up leaving me without energy,
sad, and when I don't follow Alanon and allow myself to be engulfed
by his behavior....I end up doing things I am ashamed of such as
yelling in front of my children, swearing, and being
>  a person I don't want to me.
>
> Till this day I am 100% responsible financially, physically, and
spiritually for my children.  My husband does not give me any support
in any area, and his values as far as the children are directly
opposed to mine.  I can't change this, I can only change me.  I let
go of this idea by force, no matter how angry, emotional, or no
matter how I stated the facts nothing changes.  It appears he is
getting away with murder.  I had to develop another plan.
>
> I have a lot of "plan B's"  Every situation I try to share with my
ex-husband I have a 2nd plan in order to get my bottom line needs
met.  This way when he screws it up I have another resource.  This is
not to say that I can have a plan b every time, but many times I can
so I do not feel that he controls or owns my destiny.  I only look at
my income from how much I can bring in and I live by this rule.
Knowing that he will give me nothing, this protects me from owning
money and having resentment.  I work alanon to help me get through
how this effects my life rather than focusing on what he should do.
In a fair and just world his gambling, addictive, lying, selfish self
would be forced to be fair, but accepting life on life terms allows
me to focus on my actions and what I can do.  Trusting your higher
power to lead you and never leave you without is key.  I have a god
box and when I can't handle a worry and it is eating me alive
emotionally I place it in there.  I have never gone
>  without food or shelter even though it feels that this threat is
pending doom it isn't, I control my resources not him (my ex).  I had
to face the fact of my life, get a full time job, day care, and that
I had to do it all alone, and I have done it.  It is not easy and
certainly not fair, but it has taken the edge off  needing him to
change.  He comes to functions and acts like "father of the year" I
feel like I am the only one who knows whats going on...at times it
kills me to see him receive all the glory without the work, but the
truth will shine and everyone reeps what they sow. I would not trade
places with him for anything because when I put my head on my pillow
at night I know I have done all that I can for my children and
myself.
>
> You will always have to fight the instinct of "IF ONLY HE
WOULD..XYZ.  Try to change this in your head even if you can't take
action to "If ONLY I COULD...XYZ...leave him out of it.  Let him deal
with the reality that you are able to move on without him and don't
let him know what you want because he will use it to get what he
wants so you will always have to give or let go of a boundary to get
a small need met.
>
> Thank you for sharing and it will get better, keep coming back to
alanon it works if you work it.  On those days where you can't bear
it any more, and that baby moves inside you trust your higher power
to bring you through. You may not get what you want, but you will be
amazed at what comes to you in peace and calm.
>
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@g...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great suport network.  i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out
6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a
freelance
> thing and i dont make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that
money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i*
will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an airconditioned house owned by
his
> friend.  it doesnt seem fair that our children and i should have to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want
any
> of his $, i dont even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if
i
> tell him i dont want any of his money then it is up to him to
create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he didnt even try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he didnt bother trying.  i dont know what
> else to do.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




---------------------------------
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     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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---------------------------------





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



---------------------------------
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     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.

     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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---------------------------------




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Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

You have to learn to love yourself first. Believe me, it is not an easy thing. 
The new you could have more than you thought.  I have had trouble believing
myself that I would be good for anyone, I am finally, finally finding out
different.

Conny

Maureen Wudtke <moe345@...> wrote:
One day at a time and don't be hard on yourself.  Each moment you are working
alanon is a better moment for youself and your kids.  Be gentle with yourself,
you only have to work the steps the rest will come. Also the "How to book" says
that you always have another 24 hours to start again.  Don't beat yourself up on
bad days...just begin again.

nancy overmier <nancydrew811@...> wrote:thank you so much for your reply. 
i am saving this to my computer to
read when i need some help.  it absolutely stinks that anyone should
have to be in this position.  i have such a hard time dealing with
this because he wasnt always this way.  so i spend a lot of time
thinking that if only he could go back to how he used to be we would
be so much better.  but i can see that i have to stop thinking like
that.  there is so much to learn and i have barely scratched the
surface.  im so glad to have this support network here and i cannot
wait to get more involved.

On 8/3/05, Maureen Wudtke <moe345@...> wrote:
> As I read your email it is as if I wrote it.  I was in your position two
> years ago.  I joined Alanon b/c of this and my rock bottom status being
> preg. with baby #2 and my two year old running around.  Alanon resources,
> literature, and steps helped me focus on myself. It does not take away the
> unfairness, audacity, and server pain you feel when the reality of your
> situation forces you to do all the work, and be 100% responsible.  This is
> and was and will forever my biggest obstacle to focusing on myself.  The
> anger and pain I feel suffocates me at times and leaves me
> hopeless,........because I allow it to.  It is so much easier to focus on my
> ex-husband and the what ifs, I feel more in control as if my efforts can
> change the reality.  However, it is false hope and it ends up leaving me
> without energy, sad, and when I don't follow Alanon and allow myself to be
> engulfed by his behavior....I end up doing things I am ashamed of such as
> yelling in front of my children, swearing, and being
> a person I don't want to me.
>
> Till this day I am 100% responsible financially, physically, and spiritually
> for my children.  My husband does not give me any support in any area, and
> his values as far as the children are directly opposed to mine.  I can't
> change this, I can only change me.  I let go of this idea by force, no
> matter how angry, emotional, or no matter how I stated the facts nothing
> changes.  It appears he is getting away with murder.  I had to develop
> another plan.
>
> I have a lot of "plan B's"  Every situation I try to share with my
> ex-husband I have a 2nd plan in order to get my bottom line needs met.  This
> way when he screws it up I have another resource.  This is not to say that I
> can have a plan b every time, but many times I can so I do not feel that he
> controls or owns my destiny.  I only look at my income from how much I can
> bring in and I live by this rule.  Knowing that he will give me nothing,
> this protects me from owning money and having resentment.  I work alanon to
> help me get through how this effects my life rather than focusing on what he
> should do.  In a fair and just world his gambling, addictive, lying, selfish
> self would be forced to be fair, but accepting life on life terms allows me
> to focus on my actions and what I can do.  Trusting your higher power to
> lead you and never leave you without is key.  I have a god box and when I
> can't handle a worry and it is eating me alive emotionally I place it in
> there.  I have never gone
> without food or shelter even though it feels that this threat is pending
> doom it isn't, I control my resources not him (my ex).  I had to face the
> fact of my life, get a full time job, day care, and that I had to do it all
> alone, and I have done it.  It is not easy and certainly not fair, but it
> has taken the edge off  needing him to change.  He comes to functions and
> acts like "father of the year" I feel like I am the only one who knows whats
> going on...at times it kills me to see him receive all the glory without the
> work, but the truth will shine and everyone reeps what they sow. I would not
> trade places with him for anything because when I put my head on my pillow
> at night I know I have done all that I can for my children and myself.
>
> You will always have to fight the instinct of "IF ONLY HE WOULD..XYZ.  Try
> to change this in your head even if you can't take action to "If ONLY I
> COULD...XYZ...leave him out of it.  Let him deal with the reality that you
> are able to move on without him and don't let him know what you want because
> he will use it to get what he wants so you will always have to give or let
> go of a boundary to get a small need met.
>
> Thank you for sharing and it will get better, keep coming back to alanon it
> works if you work it.  On those days where you can't bear it any more, and
> that baby moves inside you trust your higher power to bring you through. You
> may not get what you want, but you will be amazed at what comes to you in
> peace and calm.
>
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great suport network.  i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out 6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a freelance
> thing and i dont make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i* will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an airconditioned house owned by his
> friend.  it doesnt seem fair that our children and i should have to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want any
> of his $, i dont even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if i
> tell him i dont want any of his money then it is up to him to create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he didnt even try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he didnt bother trying.  i dont know what
> else to do.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ________________________________
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>  Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
> ________________________________
>


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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

thank you so much for your reply.  i am saving this to my computer to
read when i need some help.  it absolutely stinks that anyone should
have to be in this position.  i have such a hard time dealing with
this because he wasnt always this way.  so i spend a lot of time
thinking that if only he could go back to how he used to be we would
be so much better.  but i can see that i have to stop thinking like
that.  there is so much to learn and i have barely scratched the
surface.  im so glad to have this support network here and i cannot
wait to get more involved.

On 8/3/05, Maureen Wudtke <moe345@...> wrote:
> As I read your email it is as if I wrote it.  I was in your position two
> years ago.  I joined Alanon b/c of this and my rock bottom status being
> preg. with baby #2 and my two year old running around.  Alanon resources,
> literature, and steps helped me focus on myself. It does not take away the
> unfairness, audacity, and server pain you feel when the reality of your
> situation forces you to do all the work, and be 100% responsible.  This is
> and was and will forever my biggest obstacle to focusing on myself.  The
> anger and pain I feel suffocates me at times and leaves me
> hopeless,........because I allow it to.  It is so much easier to focus on my
> ex-husband and the what ifs, I feel more in control as if my efforts can
> change the reality.  However, it is false hope and it ends up leaving me
> without energy, sad, and when I don't follow Alanon and allow myself to be
> engulfed by his behavior....I end up doing things I am ashamed of such as
> yelling in front of my children, swearing, and being
> a person I don't want to me.
>
> Till this day I am 100% responsible financially, physically, and spiritually
> for my children.  My husband does not give me any support in any area, and
> his values as far as the children are directly opposed to mine.  I can't
> change this, I can only change me.  I let go of this idea by force, no
> matter how angry, emotional, or no matter how I stated the facts nothing
> changes.  It appears he is getting away with murder.  I had to develop
> another plan.
>
> I have a lot of "plan B's"  Every situation I try to share with my
> ex-husband I have a 2nd plan in order to get my bottom line needs met.  This
> way when he screws it up I have another resource.  This is not to say that I
> can have a plan b every time, but many times I can so I do not feel that he
> controls or owns my destiny.  I only look at my income from how much I can
> bring in and I live by this rule.  Knowing that he will give me nothing,
> this protects me from owning money and having resentment.  I work alanon to
> help me get through how this effects my life rather than focusing on what he
> should do.  In a fair and just world his gambling, addictive, lying, selfish
> self would be forced to be fair, but accepting life on life terms allows me
> to focus on my actions and what I can do.  Trusting your higher power to
> lead you and never leave you without is key.  I have a god box and when I
> can't handle a worry and it is eating me alive emotionally I place it in
> there.  I have never gone
> without food or shelter even though it feels that this threat is pending
> doom it isn't, I control my resources not him (my ex).  I had to face the
> fact of my life, get a full time job, day care, and that I had to do it all
> alone, and I have done it.  It is not easy and certainly not fair, but it
> has taken the edge off  needing him to change.  He comes to functions and
> acts like "father of the year" I feel like I am the only one who knows whats
> going on...at times it kills me to see him receive all the glory without the
> work, but the truth will shine and everyone reeps what they sow. I would not
> trade places with him for anything because when I put my head on my pillow
> at night I know I have done all that I can for my children and myself.
>
> You will always have to fight the instinct of "IF ONLY HE WOULD..XYZ.  Try
> to change this in your head even if you can't take action to "If ONLY I
> COULD...XYZ...leave him out of it.  Let him deal with the reality that you
> are able to move on without him and don't let him know what you want because
> he will use it to get what he wants so you will always have to give or let
> go of a boundary to get a small need met.
>
> Thank you for sharing and it will get better, keep coming back to alanon it
> works if you work it.  On those days where you can't bear it any more, and
> that baby moves inside you trust your higher power to bring you through. You
> may not get what you want, but you will be amazed at what comes to you in
> peace and calm.
>
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great suport network.  i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out 6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a freelance
> thing and i dont make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i* will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an airconditioned house owned by his
> friend.  it doesnt seem fair that our children and i should have to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want any
> of his $, i dont even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if i
> tell him i dont want any of his money then it is up to him to create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he didnt even try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he didnt bother trying.  i dont know what
> else to do.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ________________________________
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>  Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
> ________________________________
>


--
www.rosiebaby.com

Custom Mei Tai baby carriers, Shopping Cart Covers, and more!

Thank you for your post, I saved it to my computer for future
reference.  I am not the original poster, but your words helped me
immeasurably.  My baby is 11 months old, and I just left her father a
month ago, and I find myself in that rut of anger over what he's
doing, and not doing.  I have yet to find an AlAnon group that I can
attend with my work schedule, my older son and my baby, so this group
has been helpful to me even though I'm a long way from Chicago!!
Thanks so much!





--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, Maureen Wudtke <moe345@s...>
wrote:
> As I read your email it is as if I wrote it.  I was in your
position two years ago.  I joined Alanon b/c of this and my rock
bottom status being preg. with baby #2 and my two year old running
around.  Alanon resources, literature, and steps helped me focus on
myself. It does not take away the unfairness, audacity, and server
pain you feel when the reality of your situation forces you to do all
the work, and be 100% responsible.  This is and was and will forever
my biggest obstacle to focusing on myself.  The anger and pain I feel
suffocates me at times and leaves me hopeless,........because I allow
it to.  It is so much easier to focus on my ex-husband and the what
ifs, I feel more in control as if my efforts can change the reality.
However, it is false hope and it ends up leaving me without energy,
sad, and when I don't follow Alanon and allow myself to be engulfed
by his behavior....I end up doing things I am ashamed of such as
yelling in front of my children, swearing, and being
>  a person I don't want to me.
>
> Till this day I am 100% responsible financially, physically, and
spiritually for my children.  My husband does not give me any support
in any area, and his values as far as the children are directly
opposed to mine.  I can't change this, I can only change me.  I let
go of this idea by force, no matter how angry, emotional, or no
matter how I stated the facts nothing changes.  It appears he is
getting away with murder.  I had to develop another plan.
>
> I have a lot of "plan B's"  Every situation I try to share with my
ex-husband I have a 2nd plan in order to get my bottom line needs
met.  This way when he screws it up I have another resource.  This is
not to say that I can have a plan b every time, but many times I can
so I do not feel that he controls or owns my destiny.  I only look at
my income from how much I can bring in and I live by this rule.
Knowing that he will give me nothing, this protects me from owning
money and having resentment.  I work alanon to help me get through
how this effects my life rather than focusing on what he should do.
In a fair and just world his gambling, addictive, lying, selfish self
would be forced to be fair, but accepting life on life terms allows
me to focus on my actions and what I can do.  Trusting your higher
power to lead you and never leave you without is key.  I have a god
box and when I can't handle a worry and it is eating me alive
emotionally I place it in there.  I have never gone
>  without food or shelter even though it feels that this threat is
pending doom it isn't, I control my resources not him (my ex).  I had
to face the fact of my life, get a full time job, day care, and that
I had to do it all alone, and I have done it.  It is not easy and
certainly not fair, but it has taken the edge off  needing him to
change.  He comes to functions and acts like "father of the year" I
feel like I am the only one who knows whats going on...at times it
kills me to see him receive all the glory without the work, but the
truth will shine and everyone reeps what they sow. I would not trade
places with him for anything because when I put my head on my pillow
at night I know I have done all that I can for my children and
myself.
>
> You will always have to fight the instinct of "IF ONLY HE
WOULD..XYZ.  Try to change this in your head even if you can't take
action to "If ONLY I COULD...XYZ...leave him out of it.  Let him deal
with the reality that you are able to move on without him and don't
let him know what you want because he will use it to get what he
wants so you will always have to give or let go of a boundary to get
a small need met.
>
> Thank you for sharing and it will get better, keep coming back to
alanon it works if you work it.  On those days where you can't bear
it any more, and that baby moves inside you trust your higher power
to bring you through. You may not get what you want, but you will be
amazed at what comes to you in peace and calm.
>
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@g...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great suport network.  i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out
6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a
freelance
> thing and i dont make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that
money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i*
will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an airconditioned house owned by
his
> friend.  it doesnt seem fair that our children and i should have to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want
any
> of his $, i dont even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if
i
> tell him i dont want any of his money then it is up to him to
create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he didnt even try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he didnt bother trying.  i dont know what
> else to do.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nancy,

What works for me is to call my sponsor and go to meetings whenever possible.

I have also found that reading the literature helps.  It gives me perspective on
my situation and helps me to sort out for myself what I can do and what's beyond
my control.  After all, the First Step says that we are powerless and our lives
have become unmanageable.

No one can tell you what to do or how to solve your problem.  We can only tell
you what has worked for us.  What has worked for me was to let go and get out of
the way.  Ultimately, I found that working the Steps provided me with what I
needed.  Also making calls helps me a lot.  My mind is a dangerous neighborhood
for me to be in by myself.

nancy <nancydrew811@...> wrote:
but how do i deal with this pattern of him running away from his
responsibilities and leaving me to suffer the consequences?  if i
get mad or even mention an issue without getting mad or nagging,
just saying "we have bills to pay and there is only $60 in the
acct." he runs away, avoids me, starts all this negative self-talk,
cancels plans that were meaningful to me (our anniversary is on
thursday and he now doesnt want to go out because he doesnt want me
to pay for it, and he says i cant get him any presents because he
doesnt deserve it, and i know he isnt getting me anything or doing
anything for me), and runs from his responsibilities like painting
our front steps which was supposed to be done over a week ago.  i
just dont know how to handle this situation anymore.  every time
something comes up that is an "issue" in our marriage this is what
happens.  we dont even fight about it, i dont nag, i state the
facts, i dont place blame, i offer solutions, i ask for his input, i
thought i was doing things right but nothing changes.  and now i get
to have a really bad anniversary and birthday because he is feeling
sorry for himself for not being able to manage his money, and i get
to spend all my money because he is too irresponsible to be a
provider for his family.  it just doesnt seem fair.  how do you deal
with someone like this?

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, Sue Andolfi <leeandsue@s...>
wrote:
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@g...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great support network.
i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out
6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our
marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills
and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account
is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do
not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a
freelance
> thing and i dint make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that
money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i*
will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an air conditioned house owned by
his
> friend.  it doesn't seem fair that our children and i should have
to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want
any
> of his $, i don't even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still
be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because
of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if
i
> tell him i don't want any of his money then it is up to him to
create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he ddidn'teven try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he ddidn'tbother trying.  i don't know
what
> else to do.
>
>
> Nancy;  Mom had a similar problem so she opened an account on her
own and started saving money and putting it in that alone.  Also
check with an attorney.  Some states have one free at the court
house to check on legal rights on your financial rights.  Check out
salvation army they often have financial ad visors free or sliding
scale that may be able to help you find ways around things to pay
the bills.
>
> Best Sue
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
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>
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>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




SPONSORED LINKS
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

but how do i deal with this pattern of him running away from his
responsibilities and leaving me to suffer the consequences?  if i
get mad or even mention an issue without getting mad or nagging,
just saying "we have bills to pay and there is only $60 in the
acct." he runs away, avoids me, starts all this negative self-talk,
cancels plans that were meaningful to me (our anniversary is on
thursday and he now doesnt want to go out because he doesnt want me
to pay for it, and he says i cant get him any presents because he
doesnt deserve it, and i know he isnt getting me anything or doing
anything for me), and runs from his responsibilities like painting
our front steps which was supposed to be done over a week ago.  i
just dont know how to handle this situation anymore.  every time
something comes up that is an "issue" in our marriage this is what
happens.  we dont even fight about it, i dont nag, i state the
facts, i dont place blame, i offer solutions, i ask for his input, i
thought i was doing things right but nothing changes.  and now i get
to have a really bad anniversary and birthday because he is feeling
sorry for himself for not being able to manage his money, and i get
to spend all my money because he is too irresponsible to be a
provider for his family.  it just doesnt seem fair.  how do you deal
with someone like this?

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, Sue Andolfi <leeandsue@s...>
wrote:
>
>
> nancy <nancydrew811@g...> wrote:
> hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
> great.  i am so happy to have found such a great support network.
i
> did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
> calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
> hoping to find some help online.
>
> my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
> pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out
6
> months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our
marriage
> back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
> this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
> weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills
and
> expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
> in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
> he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account
is
> overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
> bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
> fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
> (maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do
not
> work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a
freelance
> thing and i dint make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
> trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that
money
> wont last forever.
>
> all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i*
will
> be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
> living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
> while he is living rent free in an air conditioned house owned by
his
> friend.  it doesn't seem fair that our children and i should have
to
> suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?
>
> i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
> transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
> transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
> that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
> money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want
any
> of his $, i don't even want him to have the opportunity to let me
> down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still
be
> responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
> they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
> bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because
of
> him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if
i
> tell him i don't want any of his money then it is up to him to
create
> some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
> his children.
>
> i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
> wanted to do, but he ddidn'teven try to make it work.  he said he
> could never get ahead so he ddidn'tbother trying.  i don't know
what
> else to do.
>
>
> Nancy;  Mom had a similar problem so she opened an account on her
own and started saving money and putting it in that alone.  Also
check with an attorney.  Some states have one free at the court
house to check on legal rights on your financial rights.  Check out
salvation army they often have financial ad visors free or sliding
scale that may be able to help you find ways around things to pay
the bills.
>
> Best Sue
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nancy <nancydrew811@...> wrote:
hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
great.  i am so happy to have found such a great support network.  i
did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
hoping to find some help online.

my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out 6
months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
(maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a freelance
thing and i dint make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that money
wont last forever.

all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i* will
be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
while he is living rent free in an air conditioned house owned by his
friend.  it doesn't seem fair that our children and i should have to
suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?

i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want any
of his $, i don't even want him to have the opportunity to let me
down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if i
tell him i don't want any of his money then it is up to him to create
some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
his children.

i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
wanted to do, but he ddidn'teven try to make it work.  he said he
could never get ahead so he ddidn'tbother trying.  i don't know what
else to do.


Nancy;  Mom had a similar problem so she opened an account on her own and
started saving money and putting it in that alone.  Also check with an attorney.
Some states have one free at the court house to check on legal rights on your
financial rights.  Check out salvation army they often have financial ad visors
free or sliding scale that may be able to help you find ways around things to
pay the bills.

Best Sue




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---------------------------------






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

hello.  i just went to my first meeting last night and it was
great.  i am so happy to have found such a great suport network.  i
did get lots of phone numbers but i am shy and i have a hard time
calling even the people i know, let alone people i just met, so im
hoping to find some help online.

my husband is an alcoholic.  we have an 18 month old girl and i am
pregnant with baby #2, due in about 9 weeks.  my husband moved out 6
months ago and we have been trying, off and on, to put our marriage
back together.  he is supposed to be supporting us financially but
this has become the biggest issue in our marriage.  he gets paid
weekly, and he used to be able to give us $400 a week for bills and
expenses.  now i am lucky if i see $50 a week.  we have over $1000
in bills due and there is only $60 in our checking account because
he somehow can't find any money to give us.  he says his account is
overdrawn every week and he has no idea why.  i know he checks his
bank statement online every single day so i know he is lying.  im
fairly certain that most of his money is spent on alcohol, drugs
(maybe not), porn, and ridiculous stuff like frappucinos.  i do not
work, well, i have a small home business but its sort of a freelance
thing and i dont make a lot of money.  i am lucky enough to have a
trust fund and i can pay all of the bills from there, but that money
wont last forever.

all of the house bills are in my name, so if they go unpaid *i* will
be the one whose credit is ruined and *i* will be the one who is
living without heat, air conditioning, electricity, phone, etc.
while he is living rent free in an airconditioned house owned by his
friend.  it doesnt seem fair that our children and i should have to
suffer for his irresponsibility.  so what can i do?

i see 2 options.  first i could insist that he set up an automatic
transfer from his account to ours so that money is automatically
transferred before he has a chance to spend it.  the problem with
that is that he will overdraw his account so there still wont be
money there for me.  or i could just tell him that i do not want any
of his $, i dont even want him to have the opportunity to let me
down, and that i will pay all house bills myself.  he will still be
responsible for medical bills, which are in his name.  hopefully
they wont deny me medical coverage due to his inability to pay the
bills, but if i have to have this baby at home by myself because of
him then maybe he will understand what he is doing to me.  also if i
tell him i dont want any of his money then it is up to him to create
some sort of savings acct if he still wants to financially assist
his children.

i have tried setting up a budget with him, which he said he really
wanted to do, but he didnt even try to make it work.  he said he
could never get ahead so he didnt bother trying.  i dont know what
else to do.

Mel: You can find Al-Anon just about everywhere you travel. Try
looking up Al-Anon on the Web in the city you are going to; look in
the phone book when you arrive; or call the national Al-Anon World
Services Office at 1-800-344-2666. The WSO will have a list of
meetings close to where you are. Also, if Al-Anon is not listed in
the phone book, try calling a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. They
may have a list of Al-Anon meetings in the area.

Making contact with us on the computer is a start, but there is
nothing like talking face-to-face with someone who understands your
problem because they've been there. And, as it says in our suggested
welcome, You can find contentment, and even happiness, whether the
alcoholic is still drinking or not. We won't tell you what to do, but
we will help you until you can learn to make the choices that are
right for you.

Just know that you are not alone in this journey, and that there are
plenty of people out there praying for you.





-- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "melomite2004"
<melomite2004@y...> wrote:
> Hi,
>
> My name is Melody and I am 36 years old with 2 beautiful children
> ages 17 and 11.  My husband has just been released from an
inpatient
> program.  This is his 5th one to be exact.  So, I still don't feel
> like he's getting it deep down.  His drug of choice is crack
cocaine
> and he also drinks.  It started with the drinking when I met him,
> but I never new it was a problem (had I know then, I probably would
> have ran).  His cocaine started when his own cousin introduced him,
> to it in our own house.  It's been hell ever since.  He's been
> drinking and crackin' on and off for about 12 years.  I don't know
> why I'm still here to tell you the truth.  It's caused the whole
> family to be dysfunctional.  I'm suffering from depression now my
> son doesn't do well in school; and now that my daughter is getting
> older I can see who it is really affecting her as well.
>
> Now that he's out of recovery, what about me.  He's got all the
> tools to try and fight this addition and I don't.  I just wanted to
> try this onlne al-a-non since my career doesn't allow me to attend
> meetings.  I travel 3 weeks out of every month.  I'm hope this will
> help me since I travel from state to state.
>
> If there is anyone who understand what I'm going through and advice
> would help!
>
> Thanks,
>
> Mel

Hi Melody welcome to Al-Anon. I just read your post all i can say is
that this site may help just a little bit it would be better to get
to f2f meeting, Even though you travel a lot with your job their are
many meetings all over the U.S.A and the world, there are morning,
lunch, afternoon, and evening meetings, they are only 1 to 1 1/2
hours long, In order to understand our mates we need the love and
fellowship of the members to be able to work our program, When we go
to f2f meetings we can get phones numbers of other members and can
call them even if it only for a ten minute chat. In our program we
learn to become a VIP which means a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON we have to
be number one in this progran, I found that i had to be first before
my husband, and kids. I had to get well first before i could help
anyone else, In your travels all you need to do is look up Al-Anon
in the local phone book and they will give places in that town or
city where they are, or go on line and put Al-Anon plus whatever
state you may be in and it will give you all the places for that
state. We also have Alateen for your children as well, if there are
no Alateen meetings in you area then they are more than welcome to
come to the Al-Anon meeting as well. Once you find a group we ask
that you try it for at least 3 months because it is very confusing
when you first walk in those doors, Hope this helps Sharon

Hi,

My name is Melody and I am 36 years old with 2 beautiful children
ages 17 and 11.  My husband has just been released from an inpatient
program.  This is his 5th one to be exact.  So, I still don't feel
like he's getting it deep down.  His drug of choice is crack cocaine
and he also drinks.  It started with the drinking when I met him,
but I never new it was a problem (had I know then, I probably would
have ran).  His cocaine started when his own cousin introduced him,
to it in our own house.  It's been hell ever since.  He's been
drinking and crackin' on and off for about 12 years.  I don't know
why I'm still here to tell you the truth.  It's caused the whole
family to be dysfunctional.  I'm suffering from depression now my
son doesn't do well in school; and now that my daughter is getting
older I can see who it is really affecting her as well.

Now that he's out of recovery, what about me.  He's got all the
tools to try and fight this addition and I don't.  I just wanted to
try this onlne al-a-non since my career doesn't allow me to attend
meetings.  I travel 3 weeks out of every month.  I'm hope this will
help me since I travel from state to state.

If there is anyone who understand what I'm going through and advice
would help!

Thanks,

Mel

http://www.niafg.org/

Al-Anon's Twelve Steps, Traditions, and Concepts


Al-Anon's program of recovery is based on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
of
Alcoholics Anonymous. The Steps are the foundation for personal recovery and the
Traditions help groups sustain their unity and fellowship.

The Twelve Steps
The Twelve Traditions
The Twelve Concepts
The Twelve Steps

Study of these Steps is essential to progress in the Al-Anon program. The
principles they
embody are universal, applicable to everyone, whatever your personal creed. In
Al-Anon,
we strive for an ever deeper understanding of these Steps, and pray for the
wisdom to
apply them to our lives.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood
Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of
our
wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to
them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would
injure
them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted
it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God
as we
understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to
carry that
out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry
this
message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Return to top of page
The Twelve Traditions

These guidelines are means of promoting harmony and growth in Al-Anon groups and
in
the worldwide fellowship of Al-Anon as a whole. Our group experiences suggests
that our
unity depends upon our adherence to these Traditions.
Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number
depends upon unity.
For our group purpose there is but one authority -- a loving God as He may
express
Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do
not govern.
The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call
themselves an
Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
The only
requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a
relative or
friend.
Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or
Al-Anon
or AA as a whole.
Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.
We do this
by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding
our
alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of
alcoholics.
Our Al-Anon family groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any
outside
enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our
primary
spiritual aim. Although as separate entity, we should always cooperate with
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
Al-Anon Twelfth-Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our
service
centers may employ special workers.
Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards
or
committees directly responsible to those they serve.
The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name
ought
never be drawn into public controversy.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we
need always
maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films. We need
guard
with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us
to place
principles above personalities.
Return to top of page
The Twelve Concepts

The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are guides for personal growth and group
unity.
The Twelve Concepts are guides for service. They show how Twelve Step work can
be done
on a broad scale and how members of World Service Office can related to each
other and
to the groups, through the World Service Conference to spread Al-Anon's message
worldwide.
The ultimate responsibility and authority for Al-Anon world services belong to
the Al-
Anon groups.
The Al-Anon Family Groups have delegated complete administrative and operational
authority to their Conference and its service arms.
The Right of Decision makes effective leadership possible.
Participation is the key to harmony.
The Rights of Appeal and Petition protect minorities and assure that they be
heard.
The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the
trustees.
The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are
traditional.
The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of the
Al-Anon
Headquarters to its executive committees.
Good personal leadership at all service levels is a necessity. In the field of
world service
the Board of Trustees assumes the primary leadership.
Service responsibility is balanced by carefully defined service authority and
double-headed
management is avoided.
The World Service Office is composed of standing committees, executives, and
staff
members.
The spiritual foundation for Al-Anon's world services is contained in the
General
Warranties of the Conference, Article 12 of the Charter.
Return to top of page

This site is intended to be informational only. For questions we recommend that
you seek
assistance at Al-Anon/Alateen meetings or through the information service. For
site
technical issues, contact WebMaster@....

Portions of this site are reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters,
Inc., Virginia Beach, VA

© Northern Illinois Family Groups, 2005

Hi Robyn, I'm new to this too.  I have had a devasting 5 years and am having
trouble picking myself up also.  I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly but he is
attached to the bottle and I am starting to too.  I need help, he is so good for
me and my little one other than that.  Just hang on and try to count your
blessings and make yourself laugh whether you want to or not. That's the only
way I can get through this too.

Conny

Robyn Pate <texasswing29@...> wrote:
I just want to tell you a bit about me. My name is Robyn. I have 2
kids
one step son and a 6 yrar old my step son is 11. I just want to get
help for me and my kids I am so tired of being so unhappy with my
life
and my A husband I love him but I don't want him to drink any more
but
i know I can't change that I know I can only change me and the way i
think but I just need support. I can't go to any F2F meeting right
now
so I am trying this. Well, I just want to thank you for being here. I
am 29 years old and so unhappy I can't remeber the last time I
laughed
I mean really laugh and felt good about myself. Well I will go now
thanks.

                                                        ROBYN,




SPONSORED LINKS
Addiction recovery center Addiction recovery program Recovery from addiction
Christian addiction recovery Al anon

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---------------------------------




---------------------------------
  Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Don't miss out on the lowest interest rates ever. You can save more money.
Saving money is easy, refinance now.
http://tpbaj.com/i/LzQvaW5kZXgvd2F6ZWUvYnk4NWlmNGp1bWFmdHZuM21heGt0 take 30
seconds and fill out this free form to save money

I just want to tell you a bit about me. My name is Robyn. I have 2
kids
one step son and a 6 yrar old my step son is 11. I just want to get
help for me and my kids I am so tired of being so unhappy with my
life
and my A husband I love him but I don't want him to drink any more
but
i know I can't change that I know I can only change me and the way i
think but I just need support. I can't go to any F2F meeting right
now
so I am trying this. Well, I just want to thank you for being here. I
am 29 years old and so unhappy I can't remeber the last time I
laughed
I mean really laugh and felt good about myself. Well I will go now
thanks.

                                                        ROBYN,

Hi. I'm a double winner-I'm both Al-Anon and AA. Many of us turn to alcohol and
drugs (or other destructive behavior) in response to Al-Anon issues; I became an
alcoholic myself, and I picked up a four-year chip last month.

In AA today, many young people are getting and staying sober. In fact, the theme
of this year's International Conference of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous
is Raise the Bottom. We want to raise the bottom we all have to hit to hit young
people sooner; many of the young people we see in AA today started drinking at
12 or 13, and we don't want these kids to have to go as far down as some of us
older people did.

The Sunday speaker at this year's ICYPAA is Kerri H. of Washington. She used to
attend meetings at the Strange Camels group of AA in Slidell LA, one of the
groups I go to. If you follow this link
http://www.onlinealano.org/html/library.html and scroll down the list, you will
find Kerri H. from a previous conference she spoke at. She got sober at 16 and
has stayed sober; her story is quite inspirational. (You can download these
speaker files to your computer and save it to listen to or to burn a CD from).

Be aware that some young people struggle before they finally make it. It's hard
for them to accept that they have a problem, but if they do make it, they are
some of the most solid AA;'s I know. I was at one young man's first meeting
about three years ago. He went in and out for that time before finally getting
hold of the program five months ago; he celebrated five months of continuous
QUALITY sobriety yesterday.

The counselor or a treatment center might be a resource to help him find out he
has a problem, if he does, before it gets too bad. Or, you could try getting him
to go to some AA meetings on his own. Treatment facilities are going to send
their clients to us anyway.

Finally, don't forget that Al-Anon is there to help YOU; you don't have to go
through this by yourself.

clm801s <clm801s@...> wrote:
Hi - I am brand new to this group, though not to Alanon. My ex-
husband, who is now recovering for some time, prompted me to get
involved in Alanon almost 20 years ago. We have a 14 year old son, who
has, unfortunately, recently shown some scary behavior - he's gotten
drunk twice in the last couple of months. I know that for teenagers
now that's not so unusual, however, his particular reason for drinking
had to do with numbing emotional pain, not partying. in both cases it
involved disappointment about a girl - but the intensity of his
feelings and his behavior (he got drunk and in the first instance also
cut himself inentionally) was a huge red flag. He goes to a counselor,
but I am obviously terribly concerned about his abuse of alcohol at
such a young age. Do any of you know if there are meetings or
resources specifically relating to teenage drinkers? I'd appreciate
any help you could provide. I live in Chicago.
thanks so much. Carol




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Yours in love and service,

Dennis T.
Slidell, LA

When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's
bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on the problem, the problem increases; if I
focus on the answer, the answer increases.




---------------------------------
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  Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I don't know if this is useful for your situation, but I was very impressed with
the program our son went to at Rush. (I'm in Chicago too.) He went to the adult
program because he was 20 at the time, but I think they have a program
specifically for teenagers. Rush's program is based on the Twelve Steps, and
they require attendance at AA meetings--at least that's the case in the adult
program.

My thoughts are with you. You're doing the right thing in facing your son's
problems this early--I wish I had been that quick with our son.

Rich

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "clm801s" <clm801s@y...> wrote:
> Hi - I am brand new to this group, though not to Alanon. My ex-
> husband, who is now recovering for some time, prompted me to get
> involved in Alanon almost 20 years ago. We have a 14 year old son, who
> has, unfortunately, recently shown some scary behavior - he's gotten
> drunk twice in the last couple of months. I know that for teenagers
> now that's not so unusual, however, his particular reason for drinking
> had to do with numbing emotional pain, not partying. in both cases it
> involved disappointment about a girl - but the intensity of his
> feelings and his behavior (he got drunk and in the first instance also
> cut himself inentionally) was a huge red flag. He goes to a counselor,
> but I am obviously terribly concerned about his abuse of alcohol at
> such a young age. Do any of you know if there are meetings or
> resources specifically relating to teenage drinkers? I'd appreciate
> any help you could provide. I live in Chicago.
> thanks so much. Carol

Thanks, Sharon, for these thoughts. I know there are as many paths to the higher
power as there are people walking--I'll keep your message in mind and keep
looking for whatever turns out to be my understanding. I've heard too of the
idea that the group can be the Higher Power for people, sometimes especially in
the beginning. That may be a place to start.

Rich

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, gigi4_7 <no_reply@y...> wrote:
> For those  memers who have a hard time understanding  their Higher
> Power, here is one way that a few members in my home group put it
> down. God is Good Orderly Direction this saying seems to hep people
> who have a hard time dealing with God. Some people have  used their
> group as their Higher Power. It is as the step says a God of my
> understanding which can be anything or anyone that feels right for you
> at that time. To me this is telling me that my God is directing me  to
> the best that I can understending what I should be doing.  Sharon

Thanks so much, Dennis--many good thoughts here. Among many others--"There is a
God, and his name isn't Dennis." (Or Rich either.) That's one of the great
things about this program, that there's really no big wall between wisdom and
laughter.

I'm checking in quickly before getting back to the day's work, but wanted you to
know your message has helped, and I will be thinking about what you've said.

Rich

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "Dennis T." <threelegacies61901@y...>
wrote:
> Hi. Good to hear from you. I just joined this group, and didn't go back to
read your posts, but I hope I can share some experience with you that will help
YOU find the answers to your questions.
>
> First, Al-Anon is not about religion or church. It is about spirituality and
God. Nobody will tell you how to believe; it is enough that you believe how you
believe; or even that you are merely WILLING to believe. You can make a
wonderful beginning just by being willing to believe.
>
> Step One is about truly identifying the problem. Once we find out what the
problem is, then we can look for an answer, and Step Two tells us that there is
a spiritual solution.
>
> Remember, the Second Step says: "Came to believe that a Power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity." You don't have to start out believing;
it's enough to first come. You came to some meetings, you found some literature
and you found this site. If you are willing and keep working at it, you will
come to. You will begin to awaken from the darkness that this Family Disease of
alcoholism brought you to, and step into the Sunlight of the Spirit.
>
> Finally, we came to believe. I couldn't step out into the faith you talked
about without some preparation first. I could begin with a belief that there was
a Power greater than myself. That was all I had to do to get started; or, as my
sponsor told me, "There is a God, and his name isn't Dennis." Once I began with
belief, I had to take some action based on that belief. When I took action, I
got results. When I saw the results, and that they happened again and again,
then I developed faith that the Power was working in my life. I couldn't begin
with faith; I began with belief and worked my way to faith.
>
> And I, too, don't understand the God of MY understanding. If my God was small
enough to be understood by me, he would be too small to be God.  I've worked
with guys I sponsored who had trouble believing in God, or a Higher Power. I've
taken a sheet of paper and folded it in half. I told them that they couldn't
create God, but to write on one side of the sheet their present conception of
God, and to write on the other side what they would make God to be if they could
make God. My God is all-powerful, loving, forgiving, never judgmental or
critical--He's not out to get me or punish me, He's always there for me. He is
all-knowing--He forgives me for my mistakes, and He loves me WHILE I'm making
them. There's a lot more I could add, but I could never add all of what MY God
is for me; not only is he too big for me to put down in words, He is always
getting bigger in my life. When they get done writing, I cut off the piece of
the paper with what their present concept is of God, wad it up
>  and throw it away. I hand them the other piece of paper and say, "Meet your
new Higher Power; now pray to this."
>
> Remember, too, God couldn't restore us to sanity if we weren't already insane.
You can't be repaired from something that isn't broken, any more than you can
come back from someplace you've never been. Sanity is not about being crazy;
sanity just means soundness of mind. When I was living in the First Step, no one
with a sound mind would do the things I was doing. Now that God, through the
Steps, HAS restored me to soundness of mind, I'm making a lot better choices in
ALL areas of my life.
>
> I don't know who  you are or where you live, but I would suggest you get to
some meetings regularly, and find a sponsor who will work with you just the way
I've done tonight. There are millions of friends in this fellowship who love you
and want to help you get better, even though they've never met you yet.
>
> Finally, I'm going to share with you how MY God works in my life. I've been
going through some serious personal problems in the last couple of weeks, and
have been rather down about it. When life is treating me like this, the best way
I've found to get out of myself is to work with another Al-Anon. So, when I was
feeling low this afternoon, a guy I sponsor called about 1 p.m. He was having a
fight with his wife, who he thought was drinking and using drugs. He had gotten
away from the house, so I told him to come over to my house. We talked till 4:45
p.m., then he went home for a while before our home group's 6 p.m. meeting.
Before the meeting, I talked to a friend out of the program who was having some
problems. Then I went to the meeting; after wards, at the "meeting after the
meeting," I talked to the guy I sponsor and another guy I used to sponsor and
those guys in their sharing gave me some of the answers I need in my own life as
we talked about my sponsoree's problems. Then I
>  came home and ate dinner and turned on the computer to find your note. God
then allowed me to share with you. My day may have been busy, but my God's day
was even more full taking care of me.
>
> Find a meeting that works into your schedule; remember, you weren't too busy
to worry about your son so you can use that time to find some help for yourself.
God bless you and yours; I will say a prayer for you.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> rastewart50 <rastewart50@y...> wrote:
> Hello all--I've been reading some of the Al-Anon literature since, I guess,
last winter, and have attended a few meetings; my wife has been much more active
attending. It's difficult for us both to be out at the same time, and we both
feel she needs the meetings more. So I'm trying to do as much as I can in
reading the daily meditations, studying the steps, and occasionally dropping in
here.
>
> It was not a big problem for me to admit that I was powerless over our son's
drinking and that my life was out of control. It would have been hard to deny
that. But it seems as if I'm stuck there. I always thought of myself as a
religious or spiritual person, even if I wasn't much of a churchgoer, but
struggling with the second and third steps has made me realize just how shallow
and useless my so-called "faith" was. It's not that I don't believe ar some
level in a higher power--but how do I make that leap to believing that that
power can restore me to sanity? Is it possible to move forward if I don't have
any confidence that God (and I have to admit now I'm not even sure of how I
understand him) would want to help me or would be able to?
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>     Visit your group "chicagoalanon" on the web.
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yours in love and service,
>
> Dennis T.
> Slidell, LA
>
> When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on
what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on the problem, the problem increases;
if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________
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>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi - I am brand new to this group, though not to Alanon. My ex-
husband, who is now recovering for some time, prompted me to get
involved in Alanon almost 20 years ago. We have a 14 year old son, who
has, unfortunately, recently shown some scary behavior - he's gotten
drunk twice in the last couple of months. I know that for teenagers
now that's not so unusual, however, his particular reason for drinking
had to do with numbing emotional pain, not partying. in both cases it
involved disappointment about a girl - but the intensity of his
feelings and his behavior (he got drunk and in the first instance also
cut himself inentionally) was a huge red flag. He goes to a counselor,
but I am obviously terribly concerned about his abuse of alcohol at
such a young age. Do any of you know if there are meetings or
resources specifically relating to teenage drinkers? I'd appreciate
any help you could provide. I live in Chicago.
thanks so much. Carol