For those  memers who have a hard time understanding  their Higher
Power, here is one way that a few members in my home group put it
down. God is Good Orderly Direction this saying seems to hep people
who have a hard time dealing with God. Some people have  used their
group as their Higher Power. It is as the step says a God of my
understanding which can be anything or anyone that feels right for you
at that time. To me this is telling me that my God is directing me  to
the best that I can understending what I should be doing.  Sharon

Hi. Good to hear from you. I just joined this group, and didn't go back to read
your posts, but I hope I can share some experience with you that will help YOU
find the answers to your questions.

First, Al-Anon is not about religion or church. It is about spirituality and
God. Nobody will tell you how to believe; it is enough that you believe how you
believe; or even that you are merely WILLING to believe. You can make a
wonderful beginning just by being willing to believe.

Step One is about truly identifying the problem. Once we find out what the
problem is, then we can look for an answer, and Step Two tells us that there is
a spiritual solution.

Remember, the Second Step says: "Came to believe that a Power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity." You don't have to start out believing;
it's enough to first come. You came to some meetings, you found some literature
and you found this site. If you are willing and keep working at it, you will
come to. You will begin to awaken from the darkness that this Family Disease of
alcoholism brought you to, and step into the Sunlight of the Spirit.

Finally, we came to believe. I couldn't step out into the faith you talked about
without some preparation first. I could begin with a belief that there was a
Power greater than myself. That was all I had to do to get started; or, as my
sponsor told me, "There is a God, and his name isn't Dennis." Once I began with
belief, I had to take some action based on that belief. When I took action, I
got results. When I saw the results, and that they happened again and again,
then I developed faith that the Power was working in my life. I couldn't begin
with faith; I began with belief and worked my way to faith.

And I, too, don't understand the God of MY understanding. If my God was small
enough to be understood by me, he would be too small to be God.  I've worked
with guys I sponsored who had trouble believing in God, or a Higher Power. I've
taken a sheet of paper and folded it in half. I told them that they couldn't
create God, but to write on one side of the sheet their present conception of
God, and to write on the other side what they would make God to be if they could
make God. My God is all-powerful, loving, forgiving, never judgmental or
critical--He's not out to get me or punish me, He's always there for me. He is
all-knowing--He forgives me for my mistakes, and He loves me WHILE I'm making
them. There's a lot more I could add, but I could never add all of what MY God
is for me; not only is he too big for me to put down in words, He is always
getting bigger in my life. When they get done writing, I cut off the piece of
the paper with what their present concept is of God, wad it up
  and throw it away. I hand them the other piece of paper and say, "Meet your new
Higher Power; now pray to this."

Remember, too, God couldn't restore us to sanity if we weren't already insane.
You can't be repaired from something that isn't broken, any more than you can
come back from someplace you've never been. Sanity is not about being crazy;
sanity just means soundness of mind. When I was living in the First Step, no one
with a sound mind would do the things I was doing. Now that God, through the
Steps, HAS restored me to soundness of mind, I'm making a lot better choices in
ALL areas of my life.

I don't know who  you are or where you live, but I would suggest you get to some
meetings regularly, and find a sponsor who will work with you just the way I've
done tonight. There are millions of friends in this fellowship who love you and
want to help you get better, even though they've never met you yet.

Finally, I'm going to share with you how MY God works in my life. I've been
going through some serious personal problems in the last couple of weeks, and
have been rather down about it. When life is treating me like this, the best way
I've found to get out of myself is to work with another Al-Anon. So, when I was
feeling low this afternoon, a guy I sponsor called about 1 p.m. He was having a
fight with his wife, who he thought was drinking and using drugs. He had gotten
away from the house, so I told him to come over to my house. We talked till 4:45
p.m., then he went home for a while before our home group's 6 p.m. meeting.
Before the meeting, I talked to a friend out of the program who was having some
problems. Then I went to the meeting; after wards, at the "meeting after the
meeting," I talked to the guy I sponsor and another guy I used to sponsor and
those guys in their sharing gave me some of the answers I need in my own life as
we talked about my sponsoree's problems. Then I
  came home and ate dinner and turned on the computer to find your note. God then
allowed me to share with you. My day may have been busy, but my God's day was
even more full taking care of me.

Find a meeting that works into your schedule; remember, you weren't too busy to
worry about your son so you can use that time to find some help for yourself.
God bless you and yours; I will say a prayer for you.






rastewart50 <rastewart50@...> wrote:
Hello all--I've been reading some of the Al-Anon literature since, I guess, last
winter, and have attended a few meetings; my wife has been much more active
attending. It's difficult for us both to be out at the same time, and we both
feel she needs the meetings more. So I'm trying to do as much as I can in
reading the daily meditations, studying the steps, and occasionally dropping in
here.

It was not a big problem for me to admit that I was powerless over our son's
drinking and that my life was out of control. It would have been hard to deny
that. But it seems as if I'm stuck there. I always thought of myself as a
religious or spiritual person, even if I wasn't much of a churchgoer, but
struggling with the second and third steps has made me realize just how shallow
and useless my so-called "faith" was. It's not that I don't believe ar some
level in a higher power--but how do I make that leap to believing that that
power can restore me to sanity? Is it possible to move forward if I don't have
any confidence that God (and I have to admit now I'm not even sure of how I
understand him) would want to help me or would be able to?




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Yours in love and service,

Dennis T.
Slidell, LA

When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's
bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on the problem, the problem increases; if I
focus on the answer, the answer increases.



__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello all--I've been reading some of the Al-Anon literature since, I guess, last
winter, and have attended a few meetings; my wife has been much more active
attending. It's difficult for us both to be out at the same time, and we both
feel she needs the meetings more. So I'm trying to do as much as I can in
reading the daily meditations, studying the steps, and occasionally dropping in
here.

It was not a big problem for me to admit that I was powerless over our son's
drinking and that my life was out of control. It would have been hard to deny
that. But it seems as if I'm stuck there. I always thought of myself as a
religious or spiritual person, even if I wasn't much of a churchgoer, but
struggling with the second and third steps has made me realize just how shallow
and useless my so-called "faith" was. It's not that I don't believe ar some
level in a higher power--but how do I make that leap to believing that that
power can restore me to sanity? Is it possible to move forward if I don't have
any confidence that God (and I have to admit now I'm not even sure of how I
understand him) would want to help me or would be able to?

Hi Amy I'm sorry i didn't read you first massage but seeing that your
daughter is 14 their should be no trouble if she sat in a Al-Anon
meeting, where i live we have very few alateen meeting so we tell all
our members that if their  are no teen meeting then bring them to an
Al-Anon meeting, its just when younger kids like under 10 years come
they can be very noisey.
Sharon

If you have problems taking your child into a meeting try and see if a
friend or neighbour might exchange babysitting, you babysit one night
when she might want a night out and she returns the favor when you
need a night out. That is how i managed to get to a lot of my meeting
when my kids were small. Hope this helps.

You may be able to find a meeting where your daughter will be welcome; in
Al-Anon, there are no rules, but each group is free to decide how it wants to
operate. Some groups would allow your daughter to sit in the meeting with you;
some would have an experienced member take your daughter into another area so
that you can hear the message you need to hear undisturbed and undistracted; and
some meetings actually have child care for people in your situation. Call your
local Al-Anon central office, or if none is available, try an AA listing (the
sober alcoholics often have a list of Al-Anon meetings). A treatment center in
your area would probably have an Al-Anon phone number as well. Once you make
contact with an Al-Anon and explain your situation, someone will be able to help
you find a meeting that will be able to help you with child care. The one thing
to remember is that if you don't find some help for yourself, even though you
are not around the active drinking, your daughter is
  going to be effected by YOUR Family Disease of alcoholism. The effects of this
disease are treatable, so you can find the help you and she and your son all
need.

I'm on the back side of this hurricane, unless it takes a turn in the coming
days, but my prayers will be with you.

momto2inflorida <RACENOT@...> wrote:
Hi Dennis (LOL, my brother's name, and also the Hurricane that's
knocking on our door this weekend).  Thanks for the insight, I did go
to an Al-Anon meeting years ago, but they told me no kids, and now with
a small baby, I'm sure that she would not be welcome, unless they've
changed the rules.  I will check into this, because I do need some kind
of SOMETHING.  I feel like I'm going nuts sometimes, and walking on
eggshells the rest of the time, and no matter what I do or say, I can't
avoid the crossfire.  Although I won't be living with this man in 4
days time, he will always be my daughter's father, and his 2 boys are
royally screwed up from his relationship with them.  Any way I can help
my girl NOT end up like that is what I am going to do.




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Dennis (LOL, my brother's name, and also the Hurricane that's
knocking on our door this weekend).  Thanks for the insight, I did go
to an Al-Anon meeting years ago, but they told me no kids, and now with
a small baby, I'm sure that she would not be welcome, unless they've
changed the rules.  I will check into this, because I do need some kind
of SOMETHING.  I feel like I'm going nuts sometimes, and walking on
eggshells the rest of the time, and no matter what I do or say, I can't
avoid the crossfire.  Although I won't be living with this man in 4
days time, he will always be my daughter's father, and his 2 boys are
royally screwed up from his relationship with them.  Any way I can help
my girl NOT end up like that is what I am going to do.

Hello!

I found a updated directory on Healthcare resources in Targeted News.
URL : http://targetednews.info/new
Cheers!

Kate

Hi, Amy, my name is Dennis, and I've been in Al-Anon for 3 1/2 years. I've also
been sober in AA for just over 4 years, so I can share my experience with you
from both sides of the street.

In Al-Anon, nobody will tell you what to do; we will tell you our experience in
similar situations. I came to Al-Anon because I was dating a sober alcoholic,
and knew that if we were going to have any kind of relationship, I needed the
help I would get in Al-Anon. I found people like myself who understood me--not
because they read books about me or had heard of people like me--they had been
where I was and they had found a solution that they were willing to share with
me.

As to your questions, some time and some work in Al-Anon will help you to answer
them for yourself. If your boyfriend loves you, he really does love you all of
the time. He just has a disease, the symptoms of which make it appear at times
that he does not love you. And the disease of alcoholism affects all whose lives
touch the sufferers--spouses, children, parents, employers, employees, police
officers, judges, jailers and anyone else who comes in contact with the
alcoholic. The list is endless.

I learned in Al-Anon that my grandfathers were the primary alcoholics in my
life. My parents, who do not drink, were raised by alcoholics, and my parents
brought THE FAMILY DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM into raising children. I was affected,
along with my brother and sister. I don't have any children, but I can see the
FAMILY DISEASE touching the lives of my nieces and nephews. That's four
generations in my family.

One of the ways I was affected is that I became alcoholic myself. The disease
runs in families, although not all members become alcoholic.

The good news is that there is help. The national Al-Alon website is
www.al-anon.alateen.org

You can find contacts and meetings in your area where you will meet people who
can help you. You can look up Al-Anon in your phone book; if there is no Al-Anon
listing, try a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous and ask the person who answers
about Al-Anon. Many AA central offices have Al-Anon phone numbers or meeting
schedules available. You can also call 1-800-344-2666. That is the number to the
national Al-Anon office; they can refer you to local chapters in your area.

The main thing is go to some meetings and meet some people who have found a
solution to the problems we share with you. And you may find an Alateen group
that your son can attend.

At many of the meetings I attend, it is suggested that newcomers try at least
six meetings before deciding that Al-Anon is not for them. Remember, there is
help; and you don't have to do this by yourself--there are people who have been
praying for you before they met you that want to help.


Dennis T.
Slidell, LA



momto2inflorida <RACENOT@...> wrote:
Hi, my name is Amy, and I joined this group last week.  I am mom to a
14 year old boy, and a 10 month old girl.  I have been with my
daughter's father for 4 1/2 years, and he is an alcoholic, but seemed
to get much worse once our daughter was born.  After a particularily
bad night about a month ago, I decided it was time to leave (we aren't
married) before my baby girl gets old enough to be affected by the
drinking, fighting, etc.  I am very lucky in that my mother is buying a
duplex and we are closing on it next Tuesday.  In this last month,
things have calmed down with my boyfriend, but I know this is only
short lived and I can't change him, or his 20 year habit.  I'm hoping
to meet some friends here, people who will understand that I'm not over-
reacting or being 'stupid' to leave this man.  (He's quite wealthy).
Maybe someone here can help me with this question.  Why is it so hard
to leave this relationship, even though it's terriby painful and why
does my boyfriend hate me one day and love me the next??? Thanks in
advance for reading!




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi, my name is Amy, and I joined this group last week.  I am mom to a
14 year old boy, and a 10 month old girl.  I have been with my
daughter's father for 4 1/2 years, and he is an alcoholic, but seemed
to get much worse once our daughter was born.  After a particularily
bad night about a month ago, I decided it was time to leave (we aren't
married) before my baby girl gets old enough to be affected by the
drinking, fighting, etc.  I am very lucky in that my mother is buying a
duplex and we are closing on it next Tuesday.  In this last month,
things have calmed down with my boyfriend, but I know this is only
short lived and I can't change him, or his 20 year habit.  I'm hoping
to meet some friends here, people who will understand that I'm not over-
reacting or being 'stupid' to leave this man.  (He's quite wealthy).
Maybe someone here can help me with this question.  Why is it so hard
to leave this relationship, even though it's terriby painful and why
does my boyfriend hate me one day and love me the next??? Thanks in
advance for reading!

Hello to all; I am a double winner living about 30 miles from New
Orleans. When I looked for an Al-Anon site to add to My Yahoo, this
seemed like the best one I could find. Serenity date is January 12,
2002; sobriety date June 18, 2001. Looking forward to making new
friends.

Dennis Tymkiw

Just for your info ...  a couple of days ago I did remove 7 spammers and delete
their messages . I do this from time to time ...The only way to get rid of the
spammers is to screen people that join,  or read the messages before allowing
them to post .
I'd rather not have to screen messages , i'm in a group that screens messages
and they  sometimes wait a week to approve the message .

                Henry



Kari Lehman <karilehman@...> wrote:

I agree.  I did not realize when I signed up for the
Alanon message board, that I would receive
solicitation for everything from insurance to dating.
I am very disappointed.  This goes against the Alanon
mission where we are not supposed to use the group to
market our own initiatives.  This is about self
growth, facing issues and dealing with alcoholism.  We
need trust, honesty and integrity to acheive these
goals.  Solicitation interferes with our quest to
achieve these goals.

Let's try to reassess the groups mission and live
according to Alanon's truths.

Thank you.
Kari

--- gigi4_7 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:

> Ive  been in this great program of Al-Anon for 31
> years and this is
> the
> worst misuse of the Al-Anon program. we are suposed
> to be talking Al-
> Anon, not where to get the best deals on whatever
> your selling or
> buying. Buy doing this you break every tradition.we
> have to pratice
> the program or leave.If you can't talk Al-Anon then
> I Sugjest that you
> leave this group until you can. If i want deals on
> whatever, i can
> look
> them up in my local phone book. I'm sorry if I
> offended anyone but
> that is how important my program is to me, take it
> or leave it.
> Thanks
> for letting blast.
> gigi4_7
>
>
>




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I agree.  I did not realize when I signed up for the
Alanon message board, that I would receive
solicitation for everything from insurance to dating.
I am very disappointed.  This goes against the Alanon
mission where we are not supposed to use the group to
market our own initiatives.  This is about self
growth, facing issues and dealing with alcoholism.  We
need trust, honesty and integrity to acheive these
goals.  Solicitation interferes with our quest to
achieve these goals.

Let's try to reassess the groups mission and live
according to Alanon's truths.

Thank you.
Kari

--- gigi4_7 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:

> Ive  been in this great program of Al-Anon for 31
> years and this is
> the
> worst misuse of the Al-Anon program. we are suposed
> to be talking Al-
> Anon, not where to get the best deals on whatever
> your selling or
> buying. Buy doing this you break every tradition.we
> have to pratice
> the program or leave.If you can't talk Al-Anon then
> I Sugjest that you
> leave this group until you can. If i want deals on
> whatever, i can
> look
> them up in my local phone book. I'm sorry if I
> offended anyone but
> that is how important my program is to me, take it
> or leave it.
> Thanks
> for letting blast.
> gigi4_7
>
>
>




____________________________________________________
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http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com

Ive  been in this great program of Al-Anon for 31 years and this is
the
worst misuse of the Al-Anon program. we are suposed to be talking Al-
Anon, not where to get the best deals on whatever your selling or
buying. Buy doing this you break every tradition.we have to pratice
the program or leave.If you can't talk Al-Anon then I Sugjest that you
leave this group until you can. If i want deals on whatever, i can
look
them up in my local phone book. I'm sorry if I offended anyone but
that is how important my program is to me, take it or leave it.
Thanks
for letting blast.
gigi4_7

leave a post in this club if you want to do service work for online meetings in
club
chatroom
yours in service
howard

Reaching out for help and saying that I am in trouble is very hard
for me.  I was in a 20 year marriage that ended in divorce 2 years
ago.  He was and still is an Alcoholic.  I have since been involved
in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic who has been trying on
and off for a year to quit smoking. Change seems to be the hardest
for me.  Everything in our relationship was so wonderful and great
and I enjoyed so much how everything was...but it has changed and I
find myself once again out of control, feeling like I am loosing my
trust for her (which I have no reason to distrust her).  Well last
night she picked up cigarettes after two months of a quit and it was
not pretty.  I seem to know just how to push those buttons that
bring out the worse in me and the other person.

I realize that I have become quite good at not looking at my side of
the fence but concentrating and becoming obsessed with how another
person is living.  I'm not sure this makes sense but I have started
to attend alon meetings and I do want to become a better person and
find some serenity and peace in my life.  Thank you for listening to
me and I look forward to the chat meetings.

Michelle

Hello!

I am looking for an Alanon meeting in Hyde Park, Chicago or close by.
Does anyone know of one?  Also, the meeting has to be on the weekend as
I work in the evenings, Monday through Friday.  Please advise.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Kari

Hi,

I'm going to be here Thursday, March 31st at 8 p.m. Chicago time.
Hopefully you guys can make it too!: )

Thanks so much,

Marie

I couldn't get a working e-mail address from the link in your message.
I hope you check the posts and find something helpful here. If you
want to ask me anything more specific, you could e-mail me at
rastewart50@....

Again, good luck, and keep trying--

Rich

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "divakatzz" <JESUISDIVA@A...>
wrote:
>
> I was wondering if anyone could let me know if there is a meeting
for
> beginners of al-anon. In the evening. In a non-denominational
> setting.
>
> I realize that there are references to "God" in the twelve step
> programs, but I am egnostic and would prefer to not use that word
> while being in the program. (Generally it would make me
uncomfortable)
>

I can half answer your question. The Northshore Alano Club's Tuesday
Nighters group, which meets Tuesday nights (surprise!) at 7:45 on the
second floor of the 1st Baptist Church in Evanston--607 Lake St.--is
specifically oriented to beginners, though they have some longtime
members too. It's a very big meeting and shouldn't be the only one
you
attend while getting to know Al-Anon, but it's a good introduction.

OK, you asked for a nondenominational setting and I give you a
meeting
in a Baptist church. Sorry! --but I've found that Al-Anon groups take
seriously the words "God *as we understood him*" and don't evangelize
for any particular spiritual belief, even subtly.

Within AA there are some groups of self-identified atheists and
agnostics--variously called "Alcoholics Anonymous for Atheists and
Agnostics," "AAAA," "Quad-A," "Free Thinkers" and so on. I couldn't
find any analogous Al-Anon groups. But you might want to go to http://
www.agnosticaanyc.org/nationwide.html#Illinois and call the contact
people listed for some of the Chicago and Evanston groups to see if
they have any ideas.

Don't take my word for it, though. Go to some meetings--several
different meetings--and see for yourself. Keep trying until you find
a
group, or better yet a few groups, you feel comfortable with.

Good luck,

Rich

hi,

I am new to the al-anon world, but recently have become motivated to
see what it is about.

The website for the northern illinois meetings do not break out what
kind of meeting it is.

I was wondering if anyone could let me know if there is a meeting for
beginners of al-anon. In the evening. In a non-denominational
setting.

I realize that there are references to "God" in the twelve step
programs, but I am egnostic and would prefer to not use that word
while being in the program. (Generally it would make me uncomfortable)

If you know of something that would fit me, please let me know, I
would appreciate it very much!!!

email me at jesuisdiva@...

Daily Meditations for Co Dependency

http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/thoughts?
cat_id=1904&page_id=25020

Daily Meditation, A life of my Own

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

Today's thought is:
Every human being brings something very special to the world.

When our lives were wracked by our close association with people
suffering from the disease of chemical dependency, we lost a sense of
who we really were. Seeing ourselves through the behavior of others
cancelled out our positive qualities, and our self-esteem plummeted.

The program, particularly the Steps, helps us regain the knowledge of
who we are. And through that process we discover the qualities we
have that we can share with others. The willingness to "take
inventory" of our behavior, our thoughts, and our values is the place
to begin.

Accepting that every individual is endowed with a special talent that
is unique and necessary to the whole of humanity helps each of us,
especially on the days we'd rather hide under the covers. We do have
something to give everyone we meet today. How we thought of ourselves
in the past as the result of the alcoholism around us can't block us
any longer. We are free and our talents are needed.

Every situation I meet today will be affected by my presence. I have
something to give that only I can give.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
A Life of My Own by Karen Casey
  __________________________

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw

http://www.niafg.org/zzipfind.asp

http://www.angelrays.com/fla/legend.html

Hi Janice,
   My thoughts are with you.....can you try looking online or at your
local public library.... here in Florida they have Alanon brochures.
Alanon has really helped me to understand why I was in the
relationships that I was.....and why I act the way I have.....it's a
good thing.  Happy Holidays to you and yours,
Susie


--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "janice_archivers"
<janice_archivers@y...> wrote:
>
> Hi,
> I need to find help.  My husband has been in trouble for
> 7 years now.  I kicked him out of the house 4 months ago (after I
> got out of the hospital.)  I have two wonderful teenagers, one in
> college and one in High School.  My husband moved in with his
mother,
> all he does is drink and do drugs.
>
> I have kept this secret for so long.  My best friend said  I need
> to attend a meeting and work this out.  I am doing my best...
>
> Regards,
> Janice

Hi,
I need to find help.  My husband has been in trouble for
7 years now.  I kicked him out of the house 4 months ago (after I
got out of the hospital.)  I have two wonderful teenagers, one in
college and one in High School.  My husband moved in with his mother,
all he does is drink and do drugs.

I have kept this secret for so long.  My best friend said  I need
to attend a meeting and work this out.  I am doing my best...

Regards,
Janice

Susan ,
    I think there used to be  weekly get togethers in the group chat room , but
i'm not sure if anyone still goes in there anymore or not .
There are 12 steps in al-anon , this is step 1 .
  1) "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have
become unmanageable. "
   This means we surrender and stop the battle with Alcohol that we can't win ,
this surrender will free us .
there is a good book that is used in Al-Anon called .....Courage to Change,  One
day at a time in Al-Anon .
also remember the Serenity prayer.....
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change , Courage to
change the things i can , And the wisdom to know the difference .

  Susan  you are always welcome to post here anytime you need a friend , it was
my pleasure to meet you .
             keep in touch ,
               Henry


Susan Wendt <susanroo61@...> wrote:
Henry, I want to thank you. You did help me with what you had to say. You made a
lot of sense to me. It does help knowing others understand. And, yes I do think
I need help also because of how it has affected me. The drinking affects so many
things. I even look at myself differently now. I'm starting to see myself in my
husbands eyes. And that is a bad thing. He sees me differently when he drinks,
and has said so many hurtful things to me. He has lied.And it is my choice how I
react during a disagreement. I usually let my anger and resentment take over,
and that doesn't solve anything. And you nailed it on the head when you said you
can't win when fighting with a drunk. I've been with my husband since 1998, been
married for a little over 2 years. I saw the signs but didn't want to admit it
to myself. Then I thought I could just fix the problem, boy was I ever wrong. I
love my husband very much, but I hate the way his drinking changes him. All I
know is that you made me feel so not
alone and it helped so much that you understood. Thank you for taking the time
to respond to my letter. Like I said in my letter this is the first group for
me, so I have no clue what to do. Is it all my just e-mails? I guess I'll learn
as I go. Thanks again for your help. I hope you have a good night.

                                Susan





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Henry, I want to thank you. You did help me with what you had to say. You made a
lot of sense to me. It does help knowing others understand. And, yes I do think
I need help also because of how it has affected me. The drinking affects so many
things. I even look at myself differently now. I'm starting to see myself in my
husbands eyes. And that is a bad thing. He sees me differently when he drinks,
and has said so many hurtful things to me. He has lied.And it is my choice how I
react during a disagreement. I usually let my anger and resentment take over,
and that doesn't solve anything. And you nailed it on the head when you said you
can't win when fighting with a drunk. I've been with my husband since 1998, been
married for a little over 2 years. I saw the signs but didn't want to admit it
to myself. Then I thought I could just fix the problem, boy was I ever wrong. I
love my husband very much, but I hate the way his drinking changes him. All I
know is that you made me feel so not
  alone and it helped so much that you understood. Thank you for taking the time
to respond to my letter. Like I said in my letter this is the first group for
me, so I have no clue what to do. Is it all my just e-mails? I guess I'll learn
as I go. Thanks again for your help. I hope you have a good night.

                                Susan





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This is the first time I've ever joined a group. I have no idea where to even
start. My husband is an alcoholic and it is ruining our relationship. When he
drinks a lot he gets very mean. He has never hit me, but the verbal abuse and
mental abuse is bad. He can drink 17 beers in less than 5 hours. He tells me I
make it a problem, because he doesn't have one. I just feel so alone at times.
He seems to have either a split personality or major mood swings. I have talked
to him several times regarding his drinking and nothing seems to help. I know he
loves me, but he needs the alcohol more than he needs me it seems. I just hate
living like this. I won't go out with him anymore because he gets so verbally
abusive to me. I am just looking for any ideas on how to help him. I'm hoping
someone might be able to give me some advice on how to handle this. I have so
much to say and none of it is good but it all has to do with his drinking. He is
his worst enemy that is for sure. If anyone has any
  ideas, please let me know. I feel like I'm drowning.

                                   Thank you,
                                        Susan









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