Reaching out for help and saying that I am in trouble is very hard
for me.  I was in a 20 year marriage that ended in divorce 2 years
ago.  He was and still is an Alcoholic.  I have since been involved
in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic who has been trying on
and off for a year to quit smoking. Change seems to be the hardest
for me.  Everything in our relationship was so wonderful and great
and I enjoyed so much how everything was...but it has changed and I
find myself once again out of control, feeling like I am loosing my
trust for her (which I have no reason to distrust her).  Well last
night she picked up cigarettes after two months of a quit and it was
not pretty.  I seem to know just how to push those buttons that
bring out the worse in me and the other person.

I realize that I have become quite good at not looking at my side of
the fence but concentrating and becoming obsessed with how another
person is living.  I'm not sure this makes sense but I have started
to attend alon meetings and I do want to become a better person and
find some serenity and peace in my life.  Thank you for listening to
me and I look forward to the chat meetings.

Michelle

Hello!

I am looking for an Alanon meeting in Hyde Park, Chicago or close by.
Does anyone know of one?  Also, the meeting has to be on the weekend as
I work in the evenings, Monday through Friday.  Please advise.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Kari

Hi,

I'm going to be here Thursday, March 31st at 8 p.m. Chicago time.
Hopefully you guys can make it too!: )

Thanks so much,

Marie

I couldn't get a working e-mail address from the link in your message.
I hope you check the posts and find something helpful here. If you
want to ask me anything more specific, you could e-mail me at
rastewart50@....

Again, good luck, and keep trying--

Rich

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "divakatzz" <JESUISDIVA@A...>
wrote:
>
> I was wondering if anyone could let me know if there is a meeting
for
> beginners of al-anon. In the evening. In a non-denominational
> setting.
>
> I realize that there are references to "God" in the twelve step
> programs, but I am egnostic and would prefer to not use that word
> while being in the program. (Generally it would make me
uncomfortable)
>

I can half answer your question. The Northshore Alano Club's Tuesday
Nighters group, which meets Tuesday nights (surprise!) at 7:45 on the
second floor of the 1st Baptist Church in Evanston--607 Lake St.--is
specifically oriented to beginners, though they have some longtime
members too. It's a very big meeting and shouldn't be the only one
you
attend while getting to know Al-Anon, but it's a good introduction.

OK, you asked for a nondenominational setting and I give you a
meeting
in a Baptist church. Sorry! --but I've found that Al-Anon groups take
seriously the words "God *as we understood him*" and don't evangelize
for any particular spiritual belief, even subtly.

Within AA there are some groups of self-identified atheists and
agnostics--variously called "Alcoholics Anonymous for Atheists and
Agnostics," "AAAA," "Quad-A," "Free Thinkers" and so on. I couldn't
find any analogous Al-Anon groups. But you might want to go to http://
www.agnosticaanyc.org/nationwide.html#Illinois and call the contact
people listed for some of the Chicago and Evanston groups to see if
they have any ideas.

Don't take my word for it, though. Go to some meetings--several
different meetings--and see for yourself. Keep trying until you find
a
group, or better yet a few groups, you feel comfortable with.

Good luck,

Rich

hi,

I am new to the al-anon world, but recently have become motivated to
see what it is about.

The website for the northern illinois meetings do not break out what
kind of meeting it is.

I was wondering if anyone could let me know if there is a meeting for
beginners of al-anon. In the evening. In a non-denominational
setting.

I realize that there are references to "God" in the twelve step
programs, but I am egnostic and would prefer to not use that word
while being in the program. (Generally it would make me uncomfortable)

If you know of something that would fit me, please let me know, I
would appreciate it very much!!!

email me at jesuisdiva@...

Daily Meditations for Co Dependency

http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/thoughts?
cat_id=1904&page_id=25020

Daily Meditation, A life of my Own

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

Today's thought is:
Every human being brings something very special to the world.

When our lives were wracked by our close association with people
suffering from the disease of chemical dependency, we lost a sense of
who we really were. Seeing ourselves through the behavior of others
cancelled out our positive qualities, and our self-esteem plummeted.

The program, particularly the Steps, helps us regain the knowledge of
who we are. And through that process we discover the qualities we
have that we can share with others. The willingness to "take
inventory" of our behavior, our thoughts, and our values is the place
to begin.

Accepting that every individual is endowed with a special talent that
is unique and necessary to the whole of humanity helps each of us,
especially on the days we'd rather hide under the covers. We do have
something to give everyone we meet today. How we thought of ourselves
in the past as the result of the alcoholism around us can't block us
any longer. We are free and our talents are needed.

Every situation I meet today will be affected by my presence. I have
something to give that only I can give.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
A Life of My Own by Karen Casey
  __________________________

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw

http://www.niafg.org/zzipfind.asp

http://www.angelrays.com/fla/legend.html

Hi Janice,
   My thoughts are with you.....can you try looking online or at your
local public library.... here in Florida they have Alanon brochures.
Alanon has really helped me to understand why I was in the
relationships that I was.....and why I act the way I have.....it's a
good thing.  Happy Holidays to you and yours,
Susie


--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "janice_archivers"
<janice_archivers@y...> wrote:
>
> Hi,
> I need to find help.  My husband has been in trouble for
> 7 years now.  I kicked him out of the house 4 months ago (after I
> got out of the hospital.)  I have two wonderful teenagers, one in
> college and one in High School.  My husband moved in with his
mother,
> all he does is drink and do drugs.
>
> I have kept this secret for so long.  My best friend said  I need
> to attend a meeting and work this out.  I am doing my best...
>
> Regards,
> Janice

Hi,
I need to find help.  My husband has been in trouble for
7 years now.  I kicked him out of the house 4 months ago (after I
got out of the hospital.)  I have two wonderful teenagers, one in
college and one in High School.  My husband moved in with his mother,
all he does is drink and do drugs.

I have kept this secret for so long.  My best friend said  I need
to attend a meeting and work this out.  I am doing my best...

Regards,
Janice

Susan ,
    I think there used to be  weekly get togethers in the group chat room , but
i'm not sure if anyone still goes in there anymore or not .
There are 12 steps in al-anon , this is step 1 .
  1) "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have
become unmanageable. "
   This means we surrender and stop the battle with Alcohol that we can't win ,
this surrender will free us .
there is a good book that is used in Al-Anon called .....Courage to Change,  One
day at a time in Al-Anon .
also remember the Serenity prayer.....
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change , Courage to
change the things i can , And the wisdom to know the difference .

  Susan  you are always welcome to post here anytime you need a friend , it was
my pleasure to meet you .
             keep in touch ,
               Henry


Susan Wendt <susanroo61@...> wrote:
Henry, I want to thank you. You did help me with what you had to say. You made a
lot of sense to me. It does help knowing others understand. And, yes I do think
I need help also because of how it has affected me. The drinking affects so many
things. I even look at myself differently now. I'm starting to see myself in my
husbands eyes. And that is a bad thing. He sees me differently when he drinks,
and has said so many hurtful things to me. He has lied.And it is my choice how I
react during a disagreement. I usually let my anger and resentment take over,
and that doesn't solve anything. And you nailed it on the head when you said you
can't win when fighting with a drunk. I've been with my husband since 1998, been
married for a little over 2 years. I saw the signs but didn't want to admit it
to myself. Then I thought I could just fix the problem, boy was I ever wrong. I
love my husband very much, but I hate the way his drinking changes him. All I
know is that you made me feel so not
alone and it helped so much that you understood. Thank you for taking the time
to respond to my letter. Like I said in my letter this is the first group for
me, so I have no clue what to do. Is it all my just e-mails? I guess I'll learn
as I go. Thanks again for your help. I hope you have a good night.

                                Susan





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Henry, I want to thank you. You did help me with what you had to say. You made a
lot of sense to me. It does help knowing others understand. And, yes I do think
I need help also because of how it has affected me. The drinking affects so many
things. I even look at myself differently now. I'm starting to see myself in my
husbands eyes. And that is a bad thing. He sees me differently when he drinks,
and has said so many hurtful things to me. He has lied.And it is my choice how I
react during a disagreement. I usually let my anger and resentment take over,
and that doesn't solve anything. And you nailed it on the head when you said you
can't win when fighting with a drunk. I've been with my husband since 1998, been
married for a little over 2 years. I saw the signs but didn't want to admit it
to myself. Then I thought I could just fix the problem, boy was I ever wrong. I
love my husband very much, but I hate the way his drinking changes him. All I
know is that you made me feel so not
  alone and it helped so much that you understood. Thank you for taking the time
to respond to my letter. Like I said in my letter this is the first group for
me, so I have no clue what to do. Is it all my just e-mails? I guess I'll learn
as I go. Thanks again for your help. I hope you have a good night.

                                Susan





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This is the first time I've ever joined a group. I have no idea where to even
start. My husband is an alcoholic and it is ruining our relationship. When he
drinks a lot he gets very mean. He has never hit me, but the verbal abuse and
mental abuse is bad. He can drink 17 beers in less than 5 hours. He tells me I
make it a problem, because he doesn't have one. I just feel so alone at times.
He seems to have either a split personality or major mood swings. I have talked
to him several times regarding his drinking and nothing seems to help. I know he
loves me, but he needs the alcohol more than he needs me it seems. I just hate
living like this. I won't go out with him anymore because he gets so verbally
abusive to me. I am just looking for any ideas on how to help him. I'm hoping
someone might be able to give me some advice on how to handle this. I have so
much to say and none of it is good but it all has to do with his drinking. He is
his worst enemy that is for sure. If anyone has any
  ideas, please let me know. I feel like I'm drowning.

                                   Thank you,
                                        Susan









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hi, I am an old member not participating and need contact with any
alanon person
It looks like I miss the meetings.
my best email is zoesangel@...
thank you for reading this

thanks for sharing Angela ,
i'm sure you will find another job , the only limits on us are the ones we place
on ourselves.........I was workin on my van today , and the hardest part was
gettin started . i was tempted to just take it to the garage and pay someone to
fix it  , but i thought i'm not gonna let this van beat me .....after a few 
hours of work ,  cursing , bangin my head on the hood twice , scraping my
knuckles, it was done .  my cousin did come over and help me out or i might
still be out there .  God knew i needed help , so he sent it .
         Best of luck finding a job ,
            Henry

angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote:
Unlike some i come here sharing my experience, strength, and hope.

Alot of stuff has happened lately. I lost my job for the second
time. Only not from the same company, and not of any fault of mine.
It's very hard to look for a job for me. I only know how to do one
thing, and the need for it is almost non-existant.Having to do alot
of lettingo and letting God. Only not of people, but of the future
and my life.
But on the up side of things i can go to more meetings. Which the
job i lost was keeping me from attending, but one meeting a week. As
opposed to 3 to 4.
Also an opportunity to lean on God a WHOLE BUNCH and i hope let
people see what an awesome & and trust worthy God he is.
Also gives me time to finish working my steps.
And be there for my daughter . It's going to be a rough couple of
weeks for her emotionally.
It also will be an opportunity to work on managing my money better.
I hope to keep the optomistic attitude during the days ahead. One
day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share,
angellettingo2002


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It's nice to have a place to go and share your feelings....just putting them
down in writing sometimes helps me....a catharsis of sorts.   Is there anyone
out there who cares or is listening.  Yes I think so.  Well I am here.  I think
of the saying reminding us that when one door closes....it is so another can
open.  And also remembering that we may not know why things are happening to us
at the moment, but that God has a plan, and that there is a reason for
everything.   God Bless and take care,

susie



angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote: Unlike some i come here sharing my
experience, strength, and hope.

Alot of stuff has happened lately. I lost my job for the second
time. Only not from the same company, and not of any fault of mine.
It's very hard to look for a job for me. I only know how to do one
thing, and the need for it is almost non-existant.Having to do alot
of lettingo and letting God. Only not of people, but of the future
and my life.
But on the up side of things i can go to more meetings. Which the
job i lost was keeping me from attending, but one meeting a week. As
opposed to 3 to 4.
Also an opportunity to lean on God a WHOLE BUNCH and i hope let
people see what an awesome & and trust worthy God he is.
Also gives me time to finish working my steps.
And be there for my daughter . It's going to be a rough couple of
weeks for her emotionally.
It also will be an opportunity to work on managing my money better.
I hope to keep the optomistic attitude during the days ahead. One
day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share,
angellettingo2002


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Unlike some i come here sharing my experience, strength, and hope.

Alot of stuff has happened lately. I lost my job for the second
time. Only not from the same company, and not of any fault of mine.
It's very hard to look for a job for me. I only know how to do one
thing, and the need for it is almost non-existant.Having to do alot
of lettingo and letting God. Only not of people, but of the future
and my life.
But on the up side of things i can go to more meetings. Which the
job i lost was keeping me from attending, but one meeting a week. As
opposed to 3 to 4.
Also an opportunity to lean on God a WHOLE BUNCH and i hope let
people see what an awesome & and trust worthy God he is.
Also gives me time to finish working my steps.
And be there for my daughter . It's going to be a rough couple of
weeks for her emotionally.
It also will be an opportunity to work on managing my money better.
I hope to keep the optomistic attitude during the days ahead. One
day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share,
angellettingo2002

--- f h <boriqua2655@...> wrote:
> Thank you for your kind thoughts! It is always so
> nice
> to hear wonderful wishes! I too hope you're year is
> going well for you one day at a time!
>
> maree
> --- spanky <spanky_stl@...> wrote:
> > sometimes i think we all get so wrapped up in our
> > own crap that we forget the strength we find in
> > reaching out to other families in recovery.  i
> know
> > i'm guilty of this.  i wish all a happy new year
> and
> > a year full of blessing and sobriety no matter how
> > belated it is.
> > i will make more of a concerted effort.
> > spanky
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Do you Yahoo!?
> > Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> > time.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > removed]
> >
> >
>
>
> =====
> ~Florence M.S.H.~
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> time.
> http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html
>


=====
~Florence M.S.H.~

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--- f h <boriqua2655@...> wrote:
> Greetings to you all...I still go to at least two
> meetings a week and read my books daily...love the
> Forum as well...this weekend am going to the
> assembly
> in Tucson as I am a GR for my home group. I just
> love
> getting together with other winners and doing
> service
> work! Hope to hear from you all again!!
>
> maree
> --- Henry <henrym64@...> wrote:
> > well Merry Christmas to you too.....it's nice to
> see
> > that someone else in this group is still alive , i
> > don't think many people are getting E-mail
> messages
> > , so unless they check in now and then , there
> isn't
> > alot of activity in here .
> > i try to focus on my recovery , but i haven't been
> > to a meeting in 2 years .i do open my courage to
> > change book now and then .
> > it was nice to hear from you , keep in touch .
> >            Hugs , Henry
> >
> > angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote:
> > I have been away from the group for a long
> while,but
> > when i saw the
> > latest posts, i am not the only one.
> > This is March!! In case anyone lost track of time.
> > Hope to be back more often in the future. I hope
> > everyone is still
> > active in meetings and their recovery.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >    To visit your group on the web, go to:
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chicagoalanon/
> >
> >    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email
> to:
> > chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
> >
> >    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the
> > Yahoo! Terms of Service.
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Do you Yahoo!?
> > Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> > time.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > removed]
> >
> >
>
>
> =====
> ~Florence M.S.H.~
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> time.
> http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html
>


=====
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Greetings to you all...I still go to at least two
meetings a week and read my books daily...love the
Forum as well...this weekend am going to the assembly
in Tucson as I am a GR for my home group. I just love
getting together with other winners and doing service
work! Hope to hear from you all again!!

maree
--- Henry <henrym64@...> wrote:
> well Merry Christmas to you too.....it's nice to see
> that someone else in this group is still alive , i
> don't think many people are getting E-mail messages
> , so unless they check in now and then , there isn't
> alot of activity in here .
> i try to focus on my recovery , but i haven't been
> to a meeting in 2 years .i do open my courage to
> change book now and then .
> it was nice to hear from you , keep in touch .
>            Hugs , Henry
>
> angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote:
> I have been away from the group for a long while,but
> when i saw the
> latest posts, i am not the only one.
> This is March!! In case anyone lost track of time.
> Hope to be back more often in the future. I hope
> everyone is still
> active in meetings and their recovery.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>    To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chicagoalanon/
>
>    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> chicagoalanon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the
> Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> time.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>


=====
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Thank you for your kind thoughts! It is always so nice
to hear wonderful wishes! I too hope you're year is
going well for you one day at a time!

maree
--- spanky <spanky_stl@...> wrote:
> sometimes i think we all get so wrapped up in our
> own crap that we forget the strength we find in
> reaching out to other families in recovery.  i know
> i'm guilty of this.  i wish all a happy new year and
> a year full of blessing and sobriety no matter how
> belated it is.
> i will make more of a concerted effort.
> spanky
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on
> time.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>


=====
~Florence M.S.H.~

__________________________________
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http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html

sometimes i think we all get so wrapped up in our own crap that we forget the
strength we find in reaching out to other families in recovery.  i know i'm
guilty of this.  i wish all a happy new year and a year full of blessing and
sobriety no matter how belated it is.
i will make more of a concerted effort.
spanky


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Hi all, I am still here too......I am real bad about going to meetings......but
I do miss the one I use to go to.  I like to read my Hope for Today meditations
and Hazelton's online daily email message.  I feel like I am getting better, One
Day at a Time.  It is slow progress to change oneselve's behavior and ways of
stinkin thinking after so many years....but I find myself progressing despite
myself, and I am grateful.

Hugs to all, susie



Henry <henrym64@...> wrote: well Merry Christmas to you too.....it's nice
to see that someone else in this group is still alive , i don't think many
people are getting E-mail messages , so unless they check in now and then ,
there isn't alot of activity in here .
i try to focus on my recovery , but i haven't been to a meeting in 2 years .i do
open my courage to change book now and then .
it was nice to hear from you , keep in touch .
            Hugs , Henry

angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote:
I have been away from the group for a long while,but when i saw the
latest posts, i am not the only one.
This is March!! In case anyone lost track of time.
Hope to be back more often in the future. I hope everyone is still
active in meetings and their recovery.




---------------------------------
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well Merry Christmas to you too.....it's nice to see that someone else in this
group is still alive , i don't think many people are getting E-mail messages ,
so unless they check in now and then , there isn't alot of activity in here .
i try to focus on my recovery , but i haven't been to a meeting in 2 years .i do
open my courage to change book now and then .
it was nice to hear from you , keep in touch .
            Hugs , Henry

angela <angellettingo2002@...> wrote:
I have been away from the group for a long while,but when i saw the
latest posts, i am not the only one.
This is March!! In case anyone lost track of time.
Hope to be back more often in the future. I hope everyone is still
active in meetings and their recovery.




---------------------------------
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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chicagoalanon/

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I have been away from the group for a long while,but when i saw the
latest posts, i am not the only one.
This is March!! In case anyone lost track of time.
Hope to be back more often in the future. I hope everyone is still
active in meetings and their recovery.

Hi and thank you for the Holiday greetings Henry....Same to you!
I can relate to that yes and no thing....When we feel guilty for
saying no...this makes us easily manipulated by people including our
alcoholics.  But you have the key there...acting in our own best
interest. We have to remember to take care of me first, and know that
sometimes we have to say no to do this. I am thinking that it gets
easier with practice. And maybe someday we are comfortable with it
lol.  Hugs, susie


--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "Henry" <henrym64@y...> wrote:
>
>   i'd like to wish everone a Merry Christmas and Happy ,Healthy New
> Year  .  I have one little defect of character i'm ready for God to
> remove .....saying yes when i want to say no , or saying no and
> feeling guilty for it . maybe thats 2 defects .....lol
>
> todays reminder from.... One day at a time in Al-anon II
> it can be very empowering to take responsability for my own
choices .
> i will act in my own best interest today .
>
>
> "I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery
> before i spend any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic
> would change... "
>
>    Living with Sobriety
>
>       Peace be with you all
>            Henry

Happy Holidays to you and thank you for the greeting!
Character defects are with me too and I look forward
to working the steps that will help me to be free of
them one day at a time! Looking to myself and working
my own program is a full time job....knowing I have so
many choices in my life is a wonderful feeling because
I know that most things in life can be so rewarding
and fullfilling if I will only see that the choices
are there for me if I'm really willing to
see.....wishing the alcoholic will change is a waste
of my valuable time and energy....it is I that needs
to look to my self for the happiness and serenity that
I desire and love to have....it is all up to me....

enjoy today and tomorrow...it is your choice....
--- Henry <henrym64@...> wrote:
>
>   i'd like to wish everone a Merry Christmas and
> Happy ,Healthy New
> Year  .  I have one little defect of character i'm
> ready for God to
> remove .....saying yes when i want to say no , or
> saying no and
> feeling guilty for it . maybe thats 2 defects
> .....lol
>
> todays reminder from.... One day at a time in
> Al-anon II
> it can be very empowering to take responsability for
> my own choices .
> i will act in my own best interest today .
>
>
> "I would do well to accept the challenge to look to
> my own recovery
> before i spend any more of my precious life wishing
> the alcoholic
> would change... "
>
>    Living with Sobriety
>
>       Peace be with you all
>            Henry
>
>
>


=====
~Florence M.S.H.~

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i'd like to wish everone a Merry Christmas and Happy ,Healthy New
Year  .  I have one little defect of character i'm ready for God to
remove .....saying yes when i want to say no , or saying no and
feeling guilty for it . maybe thats 2 defects .....lol

todays reminder from.... One day at a time in Al-anon II
it can be very empowering to take responsability for my own choices .
i will act in my own best interest today .


"I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery
before i spend any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic
would change... "

    Living with Sobriety

       Peace be with you all
            Henry