If you are afraid of his anger it is in your best interest to get help for you
and your 2 year old if only for the child's safety.  It took my husband 20 years
and almost death to realize his madness.  Now he is alcohol free only because of
his health but it has made him realize what he had done previously to endanger
his child.  I left for a week with the help of his sister and that only made him
worse.  He will not change because you want him to.  You have to take charge of
your own life and make a good life for your child and yourself.  If then he
realizes what has happened you can restore things from a distance.  I don't
believe in divorce lightly.  I think you should make the marriage work to the
best of your ability but that doesn't mean putting you or your children through
abuse which can be physical, mental or emotional. 
 
Michelle

--- On Fri, 8/8/08, Amy Elinoff <elinofa@...> wrote:

From: Amy Elinoff <elinofa@...>
Subject: [chicago alanon] I think he is an alcoholic.
To: chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, August 8, 2008, 3:13 PM






New here. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We met
in a drinking type of scene. He worked in a bar. He seems to be
enamored of the wild man archetype - now we have a two year old. He
went out when I was pregnant. He has gone out on occasion now that
she is here. I have left overnight with her twice. Like an earlier
poster, he can hold his drinks. Sometimes quits altogether, loses a
ton of weight, seems stable and content, then picks it back up slowly,
until he is drinking 4 beers most nights and many before 6 pm. He is
still fond of the bar scene though he owns a business now. Last week
he got into a fender bender after having had several beers. The woman
got out of her car and could smell the beer on him. She was in
recovery herself and generously did not call the police. She
suggested he go to a meeting.

I was horrified but happy. I thought, that woman was an angel, this
is it, surely now he will take notice. My daughter and I went out of
town for four days and when we returned there was a keg in the
refrigerator. a keg.

In addition, I have caught him in several small meaningless lies
lately. Then last night, he bought me an expensive piece of jewelry
on credit, that we cannot afford and that cannot be returned. I feel
he is bribing me for something, but not clear what. I am very
unhappy. I want to insist on change, but realize that is not how the
system works. I have to protect myself and my child. How long until
the next fender bender? How long to be deep in debt while he spends
money on credit cards on the bar and guilt-gifts? I would like to go
to AlAnon here in town but can't take a two year old, I assume. Also,
I am afraid of his anger if I go.

Thank you for having me here.


















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