Thanks for this - I have to learn more how to do the detach...

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, cheryl coats <cheryl_cts@...> wrote:
>
> Oh at the beginning I was a total enabler.� I bought it for
him...lied for him...made excuses for him etc.� I went to Al-anon
meetings and rolled my eyes when they would say that thing about
chaos.� I am disabled and really can not live on my ssdi, and I have a
son.� So I felt trapped.� But after a few more meetings I began to
understand the whole "detach with love" thing.� I started making
choices...not re-acting.� I then relaized that there were lots of
options for me.� My husband went to rehab for 3 months last year....he
was sober for a month.� We then began the path again of more and more
drinking until he lost his job.� But thur it all I remained strong and
stable.� It took a call from a friend to let him know that the secret
he thought he had was no secret....EVERYONE KNEW HE WAS DRINKING.�
That was last week....he has been sober for 5 days now.� Difference
this time was he started going to meetings.
> �
> So if you love him...detach with love.� Realize that this is his
disease...and no matter how much you think you can help him....you
can't.� You have to keep yourself good....that is your only job.
>
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, dmhcmoon <dmhcmoon@...> wrote:
>
> From: dmhcmoon <dmhcmoon@...>
> Subject: [chicago alanon] Re: I think he is an alcoholic.
> To: chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 3:54 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm in a similar situation, but in addition he cheats on me. Staying
mostly for my kids
> because I think they need a dad, but curious about the advice others
give you.
> --- In chicagoalanon@ yahoogroups. com, "Amy E." <elinofa@ > wrote:
> >
> > I hear what you guys are saying. It had not occurred to me that the
> > other driver was enabling. Of course.
> >
> > However, as far as living in chaos, tell me this: what happens when
> > you are in love with that human being? I haven't figured out yet how
> > not to be with him and be involved in caring for him, even if it is
> > sometimes against his will...
> >
> >
> > --- In chicagoalanon@ yahoogroups. com, Rhen56@ wrote:
> > >
> > > An alcoholic will go to any lengths to get that drink. I will go to
> > any
> > > lengths to use the tools given me through Alanon, to keep my life
> > and mind in
> > > order.
> > > Your husband has a child too, and it doesn't keep him from going to
> > bars.
> > > Check with your Al-Anon meetings to see if they offer child care,
> > and if they
> > > don't, maybe you could suggest a way to get child care started, or
> > ask a
> > > neighbor to watch your child for a couple of hours.
> > > You made the choice to come back into that environment, knowing he
> > was an
> > > active alkie. We choose to live in chaos, or we choose to walk away
> > from it, and
> > > only you can decide which life you want. We're a victim once, and
> > if we
> > > choose to stay, we've become volunteers.
> > >
> > >
> > > Rhenda
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > ************ **Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your
> > budget?
> > > Read reviews on AOL Autos.
> > >
> > (http://autos. aol.com/cars- BMW-128-2008/ expert-review?
ncid=aolaut00050 000000017
> > )
> > >
> > >
> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>