Oh at the beginning I was a total enabler.  I bought it for him...lied for
him...made excuses for him etc.  I went to Al-anon meetings and rolled my eyes
when they would say that thing about chaos.  I am disabled and really can not
live on my ssdi, and I have a son.  So I felt trapped.  But after a few more
meetings I began to understand the whole "detach with love" thing.  I started
making choices...not re-acting.  I then relaized that there were lots of options
for me.  My husband went to rehab for 3 months last year....he was sober for a
month.  We then began the path again of more and more drinking until he lost his
job.  But thur it all I remained strong and stable.  It took a call from a
friend to let him know that the secret he thought he had was no
secret....EVERYONE KNEW HE WAS DRINKING.  That was last week....he has been
sober for 5 days now.  Difference this time was he started going to meetings.
 
So if you love him...detach with love.  Realize that this is his disease...and
no matter how much you think you can help him....you can't.  You have to keep
yourself good....that is your only job.

--- On Sat, 8/9/08, dmhcmoon <dmhcmoon@...> wrote:

From: dmhcmoon <dmhcmoon@...>
Subject: [chicago alanon] Re: I think he is an alcoholic.
To: chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 3:54 PM






I'm in a similar situation, but in addition he cheats on me. Staying mostly for
my kids
because I think they need a dad, but curious about the advice others give you.
--- In chicagoalanon@ yahoogroups. com, "Amy E." <elinofa@... > wrote:
>
> I hear what you guys are saying. It had not occurred to me that the
> other driver was enabling. Of course.
>
> However, as far as living in chaos, tell me this: what happens when
> you are in love with that human being? I haven't figured out yet how
> not to be with him and be involved in caring for him, even if it is
> sometimes against his will...
>
>
> --- In chicagoalanon@ yahoogroups. com, Rhen56@ wrote:
> >
> > An alcoholic will go to any lengths to get that drink. I will go to
> any
> > lengths to use the tools given me through Alanon, to keep my life
> and mind in
> > order.
> > Your husband has a child too, and it doesn't keep him from going to
> bars.
> > Check with your Al-Anon meetings to see if they offer child care,
> and if they
> > don't, maybe you could suggest a way to get child care started, or
> ask a
> > neighbor to watch your child for a couple of hours.
> > You made the choice to come back into that environment, knowing he
> was an
> > active alkie. We choose to live in chaos, or we choose to walk away
> from it, and
> > only you can decide which life you want. We're a victim once, and
> if we
> > choose to stay, we've become volunteers.
> >
> >
> > Rhenda
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ************ **Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your
> budget?
> > Read reviews on AOL Autos.
> >
> (http://autos. aol.com/cars- BMW-128-2008/ expert-review? ncid=aolaut00050
000000017
> )
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>


















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