Yesterday was a better day. One day at a time right Erika? We talked
like adults about what I felt, what he felt, and what we both needed. I
guess what I really needed was to know that I wasn't crazy, that I wasn't
alone. That I am not the only one who feels like this. He told me how sorry
he was that I ever heard what he said and that in his heart he doesn't mean
it and that he loves me with all of his heart and does want to be with me.
But when he gets upset he can not process it like a non-alcoholic can. He
told me that is why he does his step work with just one person because they
are the only one's who hear his demons and it never hurts me; and if I were
to ever read what he has written I would never understand it and it would
kill me. Can someone please tell me that is normal, that it is how they all
feel? I feel so insecure and unsure of everything right now. Cheryl, I know
that I have to learn to 'detach with love' but how do I even start that? I
have spent so much of my life being the 'fixer' and even now. I try to fix
things I have no business trying to fix. Actually as I was writing this I
got a bit of good news that just might make life easier. His schedule just
changed from 10-7 to 7-4 This will actually allow us to both go to
meetings, both of us take care of the kids, and be able to spend some time
together. And Rhen had asked me what was more important, I guess maybe you
misunderstood what my issue was. My issue was communication, not him going
to the meetings. And please don't discount my feelings, they are mine, and
they are not right or wrong. Forgive me for not always understanding how
they feel, I can not be expected to get it right away. I thought this was a
forum for understanding, not berating? I do support him, if you read my post
in it's entirety, you would see that I drove him to the first meeting,
brought him dinner between the first and second meeting, and picked him up
afterwards. And yes, I did it without complaint. Again, my issue was not
with him going to the meetings if that is what he needed, my issue was the
lack of communication, I can not be expected to know what is going on in his
head. So again, maybe you missed my issue.. My issue was the lack of
communication, what he said about me, and the fact that we couldn't even
discuss anything without an accusation or bitter words from him resulting in
a fight between us both. So please, don't judge me. Would you berate your
alcoholic for faltering and drinking again, would you ask them if they would
rather drink or lose everything? Or would you treat the person with love,
understanding, respect, kindness, and the knowledge that none of us are
perfect? It's a process, and I will forever be learning. Your words were
unfair and borderline rude insinuating that I do not support his recovery.
Because let me explain something to you, if I didn't I would not still be
with him, I would not go out of my way all the time to make sure he got to
meetings. I could have very well told him on Wednesday night no I wasn't
going to drive him to or pick him up from his meetings. I would not have
brought him dinner between the two. I could have very easily told him to
find his own way to and from and figure out dinner on his own. I however,
did not do that. Instead I did exactly what I needed to do for him to get to
his meetings. Hell I could leave him and not deal with any of it if I wanted
to. That would be easier, but instead I came here for guidance so I could
help myself deal with his recovery in a positive manner. Because guess what?
His recovery, us communicating, and us having some time together are ALL
important to me, and it is not unfair or unreasonable for me to think that
they would be important to him. And the simple fact of the matter is that
they all are important to him. He just couldn't see past anything on
Wednesday.. And I am here to learn how to see past that. Not to have my
support for him and his sobriety questioned.

On 6/6/08, Rhen56@... <Rhen56@...> wrote:
>
> I have a question for you. Which is more important to you, his sobriety,
> or
> your romantic evenings? He's doing what it takes for HIM to say sober, and
> you
> have a choice to either support that, or not. If going to 3 meetings a day
> keeps him sane and sober, I'd support that choice any day.
> Ok, make this 2 questions for you......are you upset that he's placing his
> sobriety over your time together? AA is about him, not you, and if he
> chooses
> that route to better himself, I'd sincerely support that in a
> heartbeat!!!!!!!!!
>
> There will be other times for you all to have romantic evenings, but at
> this
> point and time, allow him to work on himself, so that there can be better
> times for you both.
>
> **************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with
> Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.
> (http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4?&NCID=aolfod00030000000002)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


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