You can not force an Alcoholic to stop drinking , The Alcoholic will always
place drinking before everything and everyone in his life . I think it's fair to
say that most affairs are the result of too much Alcohol .
Remember the 3 C's of Alcoholism ...you didn't cause it , can't control
it , can't cure it .
It's his disease , all you can change is your reaction to his drinking
....you can't change him , he is the only one who can do that .
Alcoholics have no problem with drinking , it's us the sober ones who have
the problem...lol
Till one day they wake up and have no family , friends or job ...maybe the
liver stops working or they get heart disease , get locked up for passing bad
checks or Get a DWI and can't drive .
now none of that is because of Alcohol ...it might be your fault or the
boss is an asshole , or the Ex-wife screwed them , the bank screwed up the
account .

The point I'm trying to make is you can't win !!!! There is no logic to
drunkenness !!!
you are fighting a disease !!!!
He has drank for 20 years and he aint stopping anytime soon unless they
close the liquor stores tomorrow ...but then he will drink after shave or
rubbing Alcohol if he has to .
At least he has gone to couples counseling with you , my Ex would not
even go .
Continue with counseling and go to a local Alanon meeting if you can .
Best of luck to you ...feel free to post anytime ,
Hugs , Henry

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serinty
To accept the things i cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.




dmhcmoon <dmhcmoon@...> wrote:
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and together for 19.
We have two
young children and another on the way. I found out three months ago that he was
having
an affair and since then we have been in couples therapy and him in individual
therapy to
try to figure out what went wrong. Up until that point he had seemed to be the
ideal
husband and very loving.

He has always drank "some" (usually just 2 drinks a night on most nights), but I
have been
noticing over the years his drinking gradually increasing to around 3 or 4
drinks a night--
and every single night. In addition, whenever he goes out with friends he tends
to get
drunk. Though when he drinks he seems to be able to hold his liquor and does not
act
like a sloppy drunk. In fact, he can function very well on 3-4 drinks so that
you would
hardly notice he had been drinking if you weren't counting. I can't tell if the
drinking is
contributing to our marital strife or not. I have asked him to stop, but he gets
defensive
and acts annoyed when I bring it up. When I bring it up in couples counseling,
the
counselor blows it off and acts like I am hassling my husband and not allowing
him to be
"free" in our relationship, which he believes led to the affair. I am trying to
decide if I
should stand my ground and make him give up drinking, or just let this go and
concentrate on our other marital issues. Any advice from anyone as to how to
determine if
someone is an alcoholic?






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