Congratulations! You are way ahead of where I was at the beginning of
recovery. You are keeping your distance from him, rather than getting
sucked right back in with his attempt to make you feel guilty.

Have you tried giving him a deadline for moving out? Better yet, add
what you are willing to do if he does not? (Police, attorney, etc.)
You have a right to your own home.

Not that it should be THE reason you do it, but there is little
incentive for him to take a hard look at his life and behavior if he
can just go on without serious consequences.

You are doing yourself such a favor by going to Al-Anon. If you can
find a sponsor with some years in the program, you will advance much
more quickly. Good luck!

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "janrup" <janrup@...> wrote:
>
> First let me introduce myself. I went to my first al-a-non meeting
> about a month ago. I ran into my boyfriends Mother there. His dad
> died of alcohol. I didn't go back to that one. I wasn't comfortable
> talking in front of her about her son. Then this weekend happened
and
> she was hit with a dose of it because I needed her help.
>
> I've been living with my boyfriend for almost a year now. It will
be
> a year when he moves on out July 1, 2007. In the last year I've
> watched myself gain weight, become insecure about my personal life
> and pushed my family away. I didn't know how bad his drinking was
> until he moved in. He got very drunk at my parents house on
> Thanksgiving. The next day my mom and dad pulled me aside with
their
> concerns. I went home and talked to him about it and he slowed down
> his drinking until two months ago. I don't know what caused him to
> start hitting the bottle harder, but I found myself becoming angry
> and frustrated. I'd blow up at him for making a mess (he spills
alot
> when he's drunk). He even left a pizza (on the card board) burning
in
> the oven. That was a fun night.
>
> He has this friend who thinks I pushed him to hard to change and
grow
> up. She doesn't see him having a drinking problem. The reality is
she
> and her husband spend all of their free time in a bar. To them
> drinking is not big deal. The problem is that my boyfriend can't
have
> one ... he has to get drunk. He's an all or nothing type of guy.
>
> This last weekend was the straw that broke the preverbial camels
> back. He didn't come home when planned on Friday which lead to a
big
> fight. Dummy me he was drunk. I should have just gone to bed, but I
> was so angry. He informed me that he was moving out on July 1. He
> said some really mean things and like SnowQueen made me feel like
it
> really was my fault that our relationship was souring.
>
> Saturday morning I took the dog for a walk and when I got home he
had
> sent me a text message to meet him at a bar near our house. He
> apologized that it was just the alcohol talking and he wasn't
> leaving. All day I was down and quiet. He was acting as if nothing
> had happened and couldn't understand why I couldn't let it go.
>
> Sunday I spent the day at a friends pool and went to my parents
house
> in the late afternoon for a Father's Day cook out. My boyfriend
> didn't want to come and that was fine by me. I needed a drama free
> day. Well at 4:30 my cell phone rings. it's him saying that he
wanted
> to stop by and see the family for father's day. I thought he was
> making an effort to get along with them better. Dinner was
> uneventful, the calm before the storm. My boyfriend was sitting in
> the living room when my 80 year-old grandma made a comment about
not
> liking little dogs (we have one) and that she didn't believe
animals
> should be on the furniture (the dog was.) My boyfriend in a stern
> voice looked at her and asked if she owned the house. She said no.
He
> stood up, puffed up and with eyes bulging told her he didn't think
so
> and that she shouldn't tell anyone what to do if it's not in her
own
> home. It was at that point I told him to go home. He started
cursing
> and saying more things to my grandma. My older brother told him not
> to disrespect our family and my boyfriend went after him. I got in
> between him and told him to go home. There was more yelling and
> insults, he tried to come back up the stairs from the back hallway
> and my dad shoved him back and said to leave and that he wasn't
> welcome back. I go flying after him and when we get home I tell him
> to pack his bags and get out of My HOUSE (I own it). He was
refusing
> and trying to tell me I didn't see things clearly. That it was my
> family's fault. I called his mom to come get him. I broke her heart
> on Sunday.
>
> As of right now I am living with my parents. He is still at my
house.
> I hope I won't have to start eviction proceedings. We talk about
once
> a day and it's akward. He still doesn't see what he did that was so
> wrong because he's the one injured and that everyone should just
get
> over it and move on.
>
> I go from angry to sad to excited about rebuilding my future to
> wanting to work things out with him and everything in between. I'm
> looking forward to the point that I am more even-keeled
emotionally.
>
> I read what Don posted and what he wrote is exactly what my
boyfriend
> does. I know we can't live together until he's sober, but having
gone
> to Al-a-non himself he knows how it works and tries to use it
against
> me.
>
> I need my space from him. I just don't know anymore.
>