Thanks Pam: That has helped me alot. I finally decided to tell my son
today and he took it pretty good. I told him that his Dad's side of the
family was missing out on getting to know a fantastic person and that
was their problem not ours. Thanks for the E-Mail it helped me phrase
what I had to say better.
Anyway God be with you.

Wendy


To: chicagoalanon@...: pdisponett@...: Sun, 22 Jul
2007 13:28:14 +0000Subject: RE: [chicago alanon] Just needed somebody to listen




Hi Wendy, all,Well, I shy from direct advice, due to the nature of the format
here. I can share on some similarities and very much, take what you want leave
the rest.I think it comes down to we can't control what others do, and that
others do what they do out of what's going on with them, not necessarily
anything to do with "me". I know I've had conversations with my step-daughter,
neice and others where that was the theme, that their parent or another relative
had done/said something that was hurtful/neglectful. My focus has always been to
reassure them of their worth, try not to badmouth the other person, and explain
that others do what they do for reasons that don't necessarily have anything to
do with me or the person I was talking with. One thing I learned is that all I
can do is my part, others either do or don't do theirs. If they do, we can have
a relationship, if not, well, it's just not possible and all I can do is be
realistic about what is reasonable to ask/expect from others, given who they
are.Hope this is helpful and all the best,Pam>From: "Wendy"
<wendyfabrizi@...>>Reply-To: chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com>To:
chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com>Subject: [chicago alanon] Just needed somebody to
listen>Date: Sat, 21 Jul 2007 23:41:29 -0000>>Hi there: I haven't been online
for a long time but right now I need>somebody to listen. I don't know if anybody
is out there but this>feels right. How do you tell a 11 year old that his Dad's
family>doesn't want anything to do with him because of his Dad. My son>asked me
today why he doesn't see his Dad's side of the family but>sees my side alot. My
ex and I have been seperated 2 years now and>my ex is an alcholic. I didn't know
exactly what to tell him so I>made a phone call to his uncle and left a message.
Then I called his>cousin and left a message as well. I know the reason why his
Dad's>side of the family doesn't want anything to do with us but how do you>tell
him the reason. His Dad has made some big mistakes in his life>and his family
hold that against him. When my ex threatened to kill>me and I reported this to
the police his family kind of disowned me.>I have E-Mailed my ex's nephew and
tried to get in touch with other>members but they just don't want to get in
touch with me. My son>really wants to know his uncle and cousins but I don't
know exactly>what to tell him. I think it is sad that my ex's side of the
family>doesn't want to have contact with my son. I can understand why they>don't
want to have contact with me because I caused some problem with>the family. It
wasn't my ex's fault but mine. I wish I know how>some people think. Anyway if
anybody can help me with how to tell my>son why his relatives have written us
off please let me know. I know>it is their loss because they will never know how
fantastic my son is.>>Anyway that's all for
now.>>Wendy>__________________________________________________________http://liv\
eearth.msn.com



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