First let me introduce myself. I went to my first al-a-non meeting
about a month ago. I ran into my boyfriends Mother there. His dad
died of alcohol. I didn't go back to that one. I wasn't comfortable
talking in front of her about her son. Then this weekend happened and
she was hit with a dose of it because I needed her help.

I've been living with my boyfriend for almost a year now. It will be
a year when he moves on out July 1, 2007. In the last year I've
watched myself gain weight, become insecure about my personal life
and pushed my family away. I didn't know how bad his drinking was
until he moved in. He got very drunk at my parents house on
Thanksgiving. The next day my mom and dad pulled me aside with their
concerns. I went home and talked to him about it and he slowed down
his drinking until two months ago. I don't know what caused him to
start hitting the bottle harder, but I found myself becoming angry
and frustrated. I'd blow up at him for making a mess (he spills alot
when he's drunk). He even left a pizza (on the card board) burning in
the oven. That was a fun night.

He has this friend who thinks I pushed him to hard to change and grow
up. She doesn't see him having a drinking problem. The reality is she
and her husband spend all of their free time in a bar. To them
drinking is not big deal. The problem is that my boyfriend can't have
one ... he has to get drunk. He's an all or nothing type of guy.

This last weekend was the straw that broke the preverbial camels
back. He didn't come home when planned on Friday which lead to a big
fight. Dummy me he was drunk. I should have just gone to bed, but I
was so angry. He informed me that he was moving out on July 1. He
said some really mean things and like SnowQueen made me feel like it
really was my fault that our relationship was souring.

Saturday morning I took the dog for a walk and when I got home he had
sent me a text message to meet him at a bar near our house. He
apologized that it was just the alcohol talking and he wasn't
leaving. All day I was down and quiet. He was acting as if nothing
had happened and couldn't understand why I couldn't let it go.

Sunday I spent the day at a friends pool and went to my parents house
in the late afternoon for a Father's Day cook out. My boyfriend
didn't want to come and that was fine by me. I needed a drama free
day. Well at 4:30 my cell phone rings. it's him saying that he wanted
to stop by and see the family for father's day. I thought he was
making an effort to get along with them better. Dinner was
uneventful, the calm before the storm. My boyfriend was sitting in
the living room when my 80 year-old grandma made a comment about not
liking little dogs (we have one) and that she didn't believe animals
should be on the furniture (the dog was.) My boyfriend in a stern
voice looked at her and asked if she owned the house. She said no. He
stood up, puffed up and with eyes bulging told her he didn't think so
and that she shouldn't tell anyone what to do if it's not in her own
home. It was at that point I told him to go home. He started cursing
and saying more things to my grandma. My older brother told him not
to disrespect our family and my boyfriend went after him. I got in
between him and told him to go home. There was more yelling and
insults, he tried to come back up the stairs from the back hallway
and my dad shoved him back and said to leave and that he wasn't
welcome back. I go flying after him and when we get home I tell him
to pack his bags and get out of My HOUSE (I own it). He was refusing
and trying to tell me I didn't see things clearly. That it was my
family's fault. I called his mom to come get him. I broke her heart
on Sunday.

As of right now I am living with my parents. He is still at my house.
I hope I won't have to start eviction proceedings. We talk about once
a day and it's akward. He still doesn't see what he did that was so
wrong because he's the one injured and that everyone should just get
over it and move on.

I go from angry to sad to excited about rebuilding my future to
wanting to work things out with him and everything in between. I'm
looking forward to the point that I am more even-keeled emotionally.

I read what Don posted and what he wrote is exactly what my boyfriend
does. I know we can't live together until he's sober, but having gone
to Al-a-non himself he knows how it works and tries to use it against
me.

I need my space from him. I just don't know anymore.