Thank you for all your posts on this topic! I remember the first Al-
anon meeting I went to. I did feel stupid. I thought that a mature,
sane person would have been able to keep everything under control. I
should have been able to make better choices. I shouldn't have said
what I said. I should have known better. I should be able to figure
this out on my own. Actually, I had a million 'shoulds' in my life
and I believed every one of them... which to me meant that I was
worthless. Since I'm a connect-the-dots kind of person, those
connections led me to believe that going to a meeting meant
acceptance that I was a failure and basically every bad name/word
that my alcoholic was calling me was absolute truth.

Fortunately, eventually, I found my way to a meeting. At that moment
the only thing I could grasp was that my life was unmanageable and
insane. That was certainly an indisputable fact. So I decided that
if for no other reason, I belonged and had a right to be there. Then
I just kept going back and let the 12 steps work for me. It seemed
hard at the time but looking back it was certainly easier than had I
continued doing what I was doing!

Now every time I hear someone say this is their first meeting, I
remember what it was like for me. It took a lot to get to that first
one, and even once there I was scared sh__less! But I soon realized
Al-anon wasn't about how terrible I had been or what I had done
wrong. It was about the disease of alcoholism and about a way to get
myself well. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and though
I'm certainly far from perfect (still workin' on it! lol!!), I am a
very grateful member of Al-anon.

Thank you for reminding me of the first step. Though all 12 are
powerful, when I think of how many people have been touched and
helped by just that first one, I am amazed at the miracle of it all.

Cindy B.