My name is Don. I am a coach who specializes in recovery issues and
am also one of those who managed to recover after decades. I am more
than familiar with your situation, both from the outside perspective
and from the inside perspective.

There is a ton of support and advice of all kinds available to you,
but I really don't believe a public forum is where you want to get
into it. I would suggest accessing some local support resources.
There are many in your local phone book. Barring that, feel free to
email me personally off this forum and I may be able to help you in
finding the assistance you need.

Hope is not lost. While in the midst of a maddening situation such as
this, it does appear to be so. But this is not true. I am not giving
you platitudes here. I am speaking as one who knows. You will need to
be strong for just a bit longer. Sounds like you are.

Best

Don
heavenonearthsystem.com


--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, snoqween69 <no_reply@...> wrote:
>
> I've reached a point to where I'm tired of keeping him afloat. Now
I
> know exactly what the term means when people say they come out of
the
> closet because that's exactly how I feel where I am. Locked in a
> closet. I feel like I've lost me over these past 18 years. Who I am
> anymore. Who am I if I'm not the person chasing behind him with a
> brook and dustpan cleaning up the mess? We met when I had just
turned
> 21 by mistake and against my better instinct I got involved. The
> first couple of years were fun, hey I was 21 and drinking is what
you
> do at 21 right? Well, once we got married it was all supposed to
> change but it didn't. He got custody of his 2 girls (ages 4 and 6
at
> the time) so I couldn't leave right? I've gotten smacked around
> nothing major not that that makes a difference but it wasn't until
> years later when I built up the courage to have him put out by the
> cops that he stopped putting his hands on me when he was drinking.
> When he's sober, he's such a sweet loving fun guy that everyone
loves
> to be around. He lost a daughter at 15 who rebelled and had a
> drinking party at our house. He had been at the bar drinking but
not
> drunk so I thought it was o'kay to tell him what she had done.
Over
> the years his drinking has lessened but the problem was when he got
> drunk. He literally was Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hide. His voice and
face
> change. I know as soon as he speaks or walk in the door but he
> denies. Sometimes he does admit to it. He most recently lost his
> last daughter at age 18 when he through her out while he was drunk
> when he found out she was sneaking around with a boy who had
treated
> her like shit and she tried to hard to conceal it. DeJa Vu. So,
now
> he's drinking more and more. I'm almost 40 and I don't know what
to
> go on with this for another 18 years. I've been an enabler all
these
> years and the guilt won't let me walk out the door. I think what
will
> happen to him if I leave and it will be my fault for leaving. I've
> even come up with a plan that we live as roomates for a while until
> he and I both save up enough money to go our own ways. I just need
to
> know that he will be o'kay. I just can't seem to let go of the
> beautiful man he is when he is sober. I've tried to talk him in to
> going to AA and he doesn't think he has a drinking problem. That
I'm
> the one who has the problem with his drinking. Or he brings up all
> my faults and tells me if I change them then he'll make the effort
to
> change his drinking habits. He's a smart drunk, if there's such a
> thing. He's never lost a day of work because of his drinking and
was
> even promoted once within the company. This weekend I plan on
> reaching out to him again and renting the movie "When A Man Loves A
> Woman" and I'm going to point out that I feel like the husband in
> that movie. When Mexican and he's from the country but American
> raised. So I ask myself, what is it about this culture that makes
it
> o'kay because we went to visit his family in Texas and they drink
for
> everything. BBQ, somebody's birthday. I AM JUST SO FRICKING
> CONFUSED IT IS MAKING MY INSIDE CHURN . . . WHY IS THIS SO GOD DAMN
> HARD!!!
>