Hi, Amy, my name is Dennis, and I've been in Al-Anon for 3 1/2 years. I've also
been sober in AA for just over 4 years, so I can share my experience with you
from both sides of the street.

In Al-Anon, nobody will tell you what to do; we will tell you our experience in
similar situations. I came to Al-Anon because I was dating a sober alcoholic,
and knew that if we were going to have any kind of relationship, I needed the
help I would get in Al-Anon. I found people like myself who understood me--not
because they read books about me or had heard of people like me--they had been
where I was and they had found a solution that they were willing to share with
me.

As to your questions, some time and some work in Al-Anon will help you to answer
them for yourself. If your boyfriend loves you, he really does love you all of
the time. He just has a disease, the symptoms of which make it appear at times
that he does not love you. And the disease of alcoholism affects all whose lives
touch the sufferers--spouses, children, parents, employers, employees, police
officers, judges, jailers and anyone else who comes in contact with the
alcoholic. The list is endless.

I learned in Al-Anon that my grandfathers were the primary alcoholics in my
life. My parents, who do not drink, were raised by alcoholics, and my parents
brought THE FAMILY DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM into raising children. I was affected,
along with my brother and sister. I don't have any children, but I can see the
FAMILY DISEASE touching the lives of my nieces and nephews. That's four
generations in my family.

One of the ways I was affected is that I became alcoholic myself. The disease
runs in families, although not all members become alcoholic.

The good news is that there is help. The national Al-Alon website is
www.al-anon.alateen.org

You can find contacts and meetings in your area where you will meet people who
can help you. You can look up Al-Anon in your phone book; if there is no Al-Anon
listing, try a listing for Alcoholics Anonymous and ask the person who answers
about Al-Anon. Many AA central offices have Al-Anon phone numbers or meeting
schedules available. You can also call 1-800-344-2666. That is the number to the
national Al-Anon office; they can refer you to local chapters in your area.

The main thing is go to some meetings and meet some people who have found a
solution to the problems we share with you. And you may find an Alateen group
that your son can attend.

At many of the meetings I attend, it is suggested that newcomers try at least
six meetings before deciding that Al-Anon is not for them. Remember, there is
help; and you don't have to do this by yourself--there are people who have been
praying for you before they met you that want to help.


Dennis T.
Slidell, LA



momto2inflorida <RACENOT@...> wrote:
Hi, my name is Amy, and I joined this group last week. I am mom to a
14 year old boy, and a 10 month old girl. I have been with my
daughter's father for 4 1/2 years, and he is an alcoholic, but seemed
to get much worse once our daughter was born. After a particularily
bad night about a month ago, I decided it was time to leave (we aren't
married) before my baby girl gets old enough to be affected by the
drinking, fighting, etc. I am very lucky in that my mother is buying a
duplex and we are closing on it next Tuesday. In this last month,
things have calmed down with my boyfriend, but I know this is only
short lived and I can't change him, or his 20 year habit. I'm hoping
to meet some friends here, people who will understand that I'm not over-
reacting or being 'stupid' to leave this man. (He's quite wealthy).
Maybe someone here can help me with this question. Why is it so hard
to leave this relationship, even though it's terriby painful and why
does my boyfriend hate me one day and love me the next??? Thanks in
advance for reading!




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