Hi Maura,
We all know what you are going through because most of us have been there or
are there. So let's see. You are living with someone who has and might again
physically harm you. You are living with someone you fear will rob you. You
are living with someone who emotionally manipulates you. And this is what we
call love. Why don't we know that we deserve better and don't have to live like
this. Why did I fear being alone compared to a life of misery. Why didn't I
know that I deserved to be happy and could be.
As for being embarrased to tell your family.....they probably already know or
suspect more than you think. You are probably not hiding much from them. I
know I didn't lol.
Family knows you. Let them help. That's what they're there for:)
Know you are stronger than you think and deserve to live a happy life. Know you
feel trapped because you allow yourself to be. But it doesn't have to be that
way. It's your choice. You do have one. And he is probably not going to get
better with you enabling him.
God Bless You, susie

maura_aparicio <maura_aparicio@...> wrote:
Well my name is Maura

I'm looking for a support group a friend told me about alanon. My
problem is not that I have a love one with an Alcohol problem. My
problem is that my husband has a drug addiction. I just found out
about it 5 months ago. A few day after I got married. I've been
dating this man for two years and never new he had a drug problem. I
did suspect there was something going on but he new how to cover it
up. Well I found out when he sold my DVD player. I went with him to
get help and he was doing ok. Then one day I go home and my 2nd DVD
player is gone and so is my lap tom and his computer. So I finally
sat down with him and told him I was tired that he needed to go to a
treatment center, he did. He was there for 28 days. Everything was
going well then two weeks after he came home he used again. I found
out because again se sold my brand new DVD player that was still in
the box. I also new he was using because he never brought home his
pay check. Since he and I have been married I have not once seen his
pay check. Well his drug use has stared to affect me. I am scared to
leave him home alone because I feel he well sell something valuable.
I've had to take most of my stuff to my mother's house. Every time I
come home from work I'm afraid to walk through the door for fear of
how I might find him. I've gotten to the point where every time he
does drugs I threaten to leave him he cries and tells me he wont do
it again and that he can't live without me. I feel like I'm trapped,
that I am drowning up in this huge glass of water. I can't tell my
family for fear they will look down at me and tell me I told you so.
Since they did not want me to marry him to begin with. All this has
started to affect my school, my job. My moods depend allot on his
mood. IF he has been using I feel depressed and disappointed. But
yesterday was the worst. He started this new program and his doing
so well. But yesterday he wanted me to live him home alone. I told
him no because I was afraid he might do drugs again. He stared
arguing with me and I told him I was tired of fighting and trying to
save a marriage that does not seem to have a future. He got mad and
through the boxes I was packing across the room then he grabbed me
shook me three times and pushed me, their was a table behind be and
I fell on top of it. I have never in my life feared my husband as I
feared him at that moment I thought he was going to hit me. He did
not he just turned around and sat on the table with his arms and
head on the table. Later as I was leaving he told me he did it
because he hates it when I threaten to live. Because he is trying to
change for me and he feels I don't have faith in him. I don't know
what I have anymore. I feel like it's my fault, even though I know
it's not. I hate myself for not being able to walk away from him and
not look back. I have to say after writing all this I feel much
better. I don't know if alnon can help me. I hope they can because I
am scared and I wish there was someone out their whom new what I am
going through.


Sincerely Maura



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