Dear Susie,

Nicole again, I want to thank you for your kind words. I know you are right
about just trying to focus on the good in life. I do try; I try not to let him
know when I am in pain too. Ryan does not realize how much I have improved. I
used to have to take morphine round the clock to feel better and now I am on
nothing and that only took MY herboigst 4 months. My urologist had me on
painkillers because he could not do anything for me, no cure so you see I have
no choice here. I went to 10 different doctors all with references to be top
doctors in the world and they just could not help. Recently I have made a new
improvement. MY pain has gone down so I don't need to sleep with a heating pad
anymore. It is an immune disease so this will take some time, but I am improving
it is just hard for him to see. I know this is hard for people to understand,
but I have met many patients who are recovered and living normal lives. This
takes patience, I know Ryan is not as strong as I am so he needs a
little help. I wish he would take it but I suppose we will just have to make
the best of life until I am well again.TC

Nicole


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There are 2 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: 7 months and counting
From: "zuppie_2001"
2. Re: beginner
From: "zuppie_2001"


________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

Message: 1
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 23:37:10 -0000
From: "zuppie_2001"
Subject: Re: 7 months and counting

Hi Nicole,
Thanks for writing and sharing your story. You are right...we
can't make anyone do anything nor should we want to. The idea here
is that I can control only what I do. As for Ryan's concern about
God being part of AA, he shouldn't have to feel that way. Although
often many refer to a God, what we are supposed to be saying is our
Higher Power, and this can be anyone or anything you believe in, a
mountain, a feeling, just whatever means something to you. A Power
Greater than Ourselves, Which can restore us to sanity.
I am concerned like Ryan about your new treatment plan. Especially
if you are not feeling any better. There are lots of quacks out
there willing to take your money....and telling you that you will not
get better for a long time and may feel worse meanwhile....you must
really be putting alot of trust in this person. And I fear for you.
Although I do believe some herbs are helpful....as I take some
myself....there is no denying it is modern medicine that is helping
us all to live longer and healthier. Something doesn't seem quite
right here, I am a nurse by the way.
Be so ever grateful that you have not been plagued with
addictions...when it comes to alcohol I have always said, There but
for the Grace of God, go I. Today I am grateful that I am not
smoking day 15:)
Don't ever blame yourself for someone elses drinking or behavior.
We are all responsible for our own actions. Taking the responsibility
away from them doesn't help them one bit. And we are all responsible
for our own happiness. It is hard to feel happy when you are ill...I
think if we try to remember what we do have to feel grateful
for...that you have a home, that you have Ryan in your life. That
Ryan is not smoking or drinking. These are wonderful things to be
grateful for. And if we concentrate on why things are good instead of
why things are bad....it can help. Many people search for
happiness....when it was right inside of us all the time. Am I
happy??? well I am happier than I was a year ago...lol...so that is
progress!!! I am working on my recovery through Alanon.....and I am
slowly getting better. One Day at A Time...And I am most grateful..
I am like Ryan in a way I resist going to meetings like I should...I
am not sure why. Yet when I go they are so helpful. I do read my
meditations daily and that is a big help to have good thoughts to
guide me. I want to be happy all the time too lol.....but now I
realize it is a slow gradual process for me to recover....and that I
am getting better, much better.
Hugs to you both.....susie




--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "Nicole"
wrote:
> hi Susie,
> My Name is Nicole, I am Ryan's girlfriend. I have tried to get him
to
> go to a meeting but he will not open up. Ryan feels like a group
will
> makes him feel worse. I myself go to a group for my illness and it
> has helped me a lot so I don't quite understand. I know he has to
> want it and I can't make him. I also know he feels like AA = God .
> Ryan does not believe in God so goign to a AA meeting that pretty
> much says God will lead you down the right path and God will give
you
> faith does not gell with him.I wish he would open up I feel like he
> needs to talk to someone aou t this because he has been very
> depressed ever since i got sick. We have been toget her for 5 years
> and I was diagnosed about 2 years ago with Interstitial cystitis a
> disease of the bledder. This desease effects the relationship
because
> I hurt all the time and he can't do anything about it. We can't
even
> hug with out it hurting.sex has not bben a part of our relationship
> for quit some toime due to the pain as wellHe stared to turn tot he
> bottle when I was told there was no cure with westen meds. I have
> turned to eastern meds and I am seeing and herboligist who has me
on
> a strict yeast detox diet and herbs. She has told me it will take
> around three years to get better and I will see verry slow progress
> along the way. As I release toxins I go through bad times where I
> feel worse. Ryan has a hard time with this and he has little faith
> that it will work. I am realy not quite sure what to do about it,
not
> hat there is anything I can do but be suportive to him. we moved
out
> here so he could make it in the induestry and he has had a hard
time
> with that so just top that on to his depression. I want him to
learn
> how to be happy and see that these things will all come in due
time,
> but he feels like he just can not get a break. It makes it very
hard
> on me but I try to stay positive.I guess it is hard for me to
> undestand people who use because I have given up so manny vises for
> my health and I have never cheated or felt the need to cheat
besides
> on my diet. I have never cheated on my diet because I want to be
well
> as soon as I can. I have a hard time understanding other people who
> have additions beause I know that vise only feels good for a little
> while and the down is not fun so why hurt your body at all. My
lungs
> were bleeding smooking was not even good to me anymore I can't
stand
> cigs I don't even like to look at them. When I quit drinking 3
years
> a go it was the same thing, the smell makes me wanna puke like it
is
> ether to me.I know not everyone can be as strong as I am but maby
you
> can understand that I am at a loose here, I jsut don't know what to
> do and I love him very much. I want him to be happy. I know it is
not
> my fault he was drinking to escape but I feel like it is my fault
we
> are both unhappy. I can be happy for a while but true happynees
does
> not live in our house.
> Nicole--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "zuppie_2001"
> wrote:
> > Hi Ryan,
> > Sorry for the delay in someone responding to you...this club
has
> > been really quiet...but it is really for Alanon folks, those who
> are
> > friends and family of alcoholics. Of course many alcoholics are
> also
> > friends and family of other alcoholics, but I believe it is
> > suggested that alcoholics go to AA groups first. As that is your
> > main issue. We do all follow about the same program, but the
> > sponsorship and sharings of an alcoholic can be most helpful.
> > Congratulations to you for both quitting drinking and smoking!
> That
> > is terrific. I myself am cigarette free for 8 days now...one day
> at
> > a time. You are so young, quit now! ....it is allot easier than
> at
> > 45 trust me:)
> > I hope you consider giving AA meetings in your area a chance.
If
> > you don't like the first meeting you attend, try another, some
are
> > better than others and find one you like. I am from a family of
> > alcoholics and one is dead now....but three are sober at least 15
> > years a piece thanks to God and AA.
> > You cannot blame your drinking on your girlfriend....just as I
> > cannot blame my failed attempts at quitting smoking on stresses
in
> my
> > life. Somehow we have got to learn to deal with stressful times
in
> > our lives without resorting to our fixes:) I don't know what the
> > answers all are... I am told to thank God daily for having
another
> > smoke free day and to ask him to guide me each day and keep me
> clean.
> > And to not get too cocky and think I have beaten anything. People
> go
> > back to drinking and smoking years after quitting. For the rest
of
> > my life I will be a nicotene addict even if I never smoke again.
> > I do know that is is okay to reach out for help from
others....call
> > someone if I am feeling weak and stressed. It is okay to go to
> > Alanon meetings and pray to God and ask anyone I know for support
> > when I need it. People so very much want to help you stay
> > clean....it helps them when they help you. Don't be afraid to
> reach
> > out it sounds like you are doing everything on your own and you
are
> > doing a great job..... but together we are always stronger and
> > better Ryan. We usually get whatever we deserve is one thing I
> know.
> > We make our own happiness in our lives. If there is something
> wrong
> > with our lives it is usually our own fault. There is nothing
wrong
> > with not making lots of money....what is important is our sanity
> and
> > happiness....people come first....and when we are at peace and
> happy
> > with ourselves and others then we can worry about money and
things.
> > Money does not make people happy. When you are ready to make more
> > money you will do so. Right now you are focusing on more
important
> > issues. You can run another time of the day now....my lungs are
> > already stronger from just 8 days not smoking and I am starting
to
> > run a little. Exercise will help you to feel better about
yourself
> > and there is that nice runner's high lol to replace the bad highs
> > from the booze and smokes lol. You are a fun person now Ryan,
you
> > can be whatever you want to be. God Bless you and I hope your
> > girlfriend gets better, don't ever quit trying, because it is
only
> > when we quit trying that we have truly lost.
> > Big Hug, susie from Florida:)
> >
> >
> > --- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, rghbog
wrote:
> > > --- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "C. Ryan Taylor"
> >
> > > wrote:
> > > > Hi everyone,
> > > > My girlfriend found this site for me after I finally admitted
> > that
> > > I
> > > > needed something to help me get through this patch in my
life.
> I
> > > have
> > > > been sober for 7 months now and still counting. I quit
drinking
> > > back
> > > > in November after seeing a hypno-therapist who had helped me
> quit
> > > > smoking cigarettes earlier in the year.
> > > > I am a 25 year old storyboard artist and a screenwriter
living
> in
> > > Los
> > > > Angeles, CA. I seem to deal with rejection on a weekly basis.
> At
> > > > least I did until I decided to put the stressful career on
hold
> > and
> > > > just get a job that would make me happy, one that I wouldn't
> have
> > > to
> > > > take home with me, that wouldn't bring me to such low downs
> when
> > > > things weren't going right.
> > > > I still have a full plate of issues that I'm not sure need to
> be
> > > > spelled out right now. Most of which are out of my control
but
> > > still
> > > > effect my life anyway.
> > > > I haven't been to a meeting or any other form of group
besides
> > this
> > > > one since I quit. I'm not sure if meetings would be right for
> me,
> > > but
> > > > I don't know. That has been one of my tuffist obstacles to
> > > overcome,
> > > > the "I Don't Know" syndrome that has been seeding in my
brain.
> > The
> > > > inability to make major decisions.
> > > > My girlfriend was one of the reasons I drank. She became
> > diagnosed
> > > > with a bladder disorder last year that had been effecting her
> for
> > a
> > > > few years and has basicly disablied her to the point where
she
> > has
> > > no
> > > > energy, is constantly in pain, has insomnia and constantly
> > bitching
> > > > about how bad she feels. She moved out here to California
with
> me
> > > and
> > > > her parents helped us buy a house last year. The fear that
she
> > > won't
> > > > get any better and just get worse consumes me. It did then
and
> > > still
> > > > does. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve this but...
> > > > It's that damn "but..." The "I don't know but..."
> > > > I work a crappy job for minimum wage even though I have a
> college
> > > > degree.
> > > > My life now is like the opening scene in the movie "Permanent
> > > > Midnight" where Stiller's Jerry Stahl is working at the
frozen
> > fish
> > > > fast food joint at the end of his stint in rehab and the
stoner
> > kid
> > > > asks him for some of that really good sauce. "Tarter sauce?"
> > > > That is a near perfect snapshot of what I go through on a
daily
> > > > basis. Except replace the fish place with a Movie theater and
> > > > surround me with teenagers and thousands of stoners asking
for
> > > extra
> > > > butter. Alot of my experiences, past and present, have made
> their
> > > way
> > > > into some of my screenplays. In my latest script, I equated
my
> > > > alcohol addiction to vampirism. it's an interesting read,
needs
> a
> > > bit
> > > > of work.
> > > > I have replaced drinking and smoking with chocolate and Kool-
> aid.
> > > > Sometimes soda. So of course I have put on a few pounds. I
> wanted
> > > to
> > > > start running in the mornings, but then I started working
> nights
> > so
> > > > mornings are out.
> > > > I have a ton of stories and experiences if anyone is
> interested.
> > I
> > > > figured I'd do as my girlfriend asked and post to the site. I
> > > didn't
> > > > mean for this to be so long, so thank you for reading all of
> > this.
> > > I
> > > > used to be a fun person. I think I can be again.
> > > > Ryan



________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

Message: 2
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 23:57:25 -0000
From: "zuppie_2001"
Subject: Re: beginner


Hi Beginner and Welcome to Alanon
Know you are not alone....Your story seems to hit home with me too...
Father, siblings, (one dead), and ex husband......I always say that I
love alcoholics...it is true:)
As for meetings....in Florida the Libraries have a schedule ...and
also there is help line number in the phone book where someone will
call you back.
If you can't find a beginner meeting just go to a regular one...let
them know you are new...people will probably reach out to you and
just so much want to help you....Alanon is that way....let them help
you. Someday you can give back.
I was told when I first started Alanon to read the pamphlet on
Detachment. It is probably found easily at meetings. It helps you to
deal with your Alcoholic.
Alcoholics are not bad people. They are just drunks. They have an
illness. We have an illness from dealing with them our whole lives.
We can't get them better. We can just work on us. Get ourselves
better.
Alcoholics can be very manipulative. Of course so can we lol..
But you are not responsible for anyone's drinking. Let's say that
again...I am not responsible for anyone's behavior but my own.
And I cannot control anyone's behavior but my own.
Yes I have found Hope....and Yes I am getting better. You can too...
It happens slowly....there is a big learning curve...I remember one
day so long ago just crying when I realized just how sick I was ...
I had always thought it was just the alcholics who were sick....but
now I know how a lifetime of this affected me...but we can get
better....You are in a tough painful place right now....but you have
taken the first step...realizing something is not right....and
wanting to figure out why....Don't stop now....The rewards are
Beautiful for you....Keep Reaching Out....and as they say in
Alanon....Keep Coming Back....It Works if you Work It!
God Bless, (ok may your Higher Power be with you:)
susie


--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "lcd0703" wrote:
> Hello, all. Does anyone have info on where to go in Near North
> suburbs for good beginner meeting and how to find when they hold
one?
> Tried on line directory but they don't list beginner mtgs. This
> seems a good alternative but does participation drop off in
summer?
> The postings seem light lately. Never knew there are 12 steps for
> the partner of the alcoholic and hope to gain strength in coping
with
> a binge drinker of 20 yrs. Like many, I suspect, he's a good guy
> when sober, employment has not suffered, no legal trouble, just
can't
> control the binges every couple of months. A few weeks of
moderate,
> secret drinking leads up to the binge where he now leaves the house
> for a weekend, stays in a flea-bag hotel, apologizes minimally and
> returns home. He claims he does this to get back at me. He claims
I
> argue all the time. I'm a bit indecisive and need to think (&re-
> think) many decisions and I see it as thinking to reach the best
> answer, not arguing. He also says I'm controlling and suspicious.
> Isn't that a natural reaction when you've had reason to? I've
> covered up from our 13 yr old daughter until last time but now told
> her the truth. She knew he's an alchoholic but I always covered
when
> he left or was sleeping one off making excuses. He says if our
> marriage was better, he wouldn't drink and I say if he didn't drink
> our marriage would be better. There's so much resentment in me
that
> built from over the last 15 yrs, I don't know if I can see my way
> out. He's agreed to try counseling an AA (again) but deep down I
> think he really wants out of the marriage & is just going thru the
> counseling motions. Alcholism is all around me. My Dad died 2 yrs
> ago from alcoholic renal failure, 2 brothers, and husband. I'd
love
> to hear from anyone. Thanks and I hope you're all finding hope as
> well since we're all here for similar reasons!



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