hi Susie,
My Name is Nicole, I am Ryan's girlfriend. I have tried to get him to
go to a meeting but he will not open up. Ryan feels like a group will
makes him feel worse. I myself go to a group for my illness and it
has helped me a lot so I don't quite understand. I know he has to
want it and I can't make him. I also know he feels like AA = God .
Ryan does not believe in God so goign to a AA meeting that pretty
much says God will lead you down the right path and God will give you
faith does not gell with him.I wish he would open up I feel like he
needs to talk to someone aou t this because he has been very
depressed ever since i got sick. We have been toget her for 5 years
and I was diagnosed about 2 years ago with Interstitial cystitis a
disease of the bledder. This desease effects the relationship because
I hurt all the time and he can't do anything about it. We can't even
hug with out it hurting.sex has not bben a part of our relationship
for quit some toime due to the pain as wellHe stared to turn tot he
bottle when I was told there was no cure with westen meds. I have
turned to eastern meds and I am seeing and herboligist who has me on
a strict yeast detox diet and herbs. She has told me it will take
around three years to get better and I will see verry slow progress
along the way. As I release toxins I go through bad times where I
feel worse. Ryan has a hard time with this and he has little faith
that it will work. I am realy not quite sure what to do about it, not
hat there is anything I can do but be suportive to him. we moved out
here so he could make it in the induestry and he has had a hard time
with that so just top that on to his depression. I want him to learn
how to be happy and see that these things will all come in due time,
but he feels like he just can not get a break. It makes it very hard
on me but I try to stay positive.I guess it is hard for me to
undestand people who use because I have given up so manny vises for
my health and I have never cheated or felt the need to cheat besides
on my diet. I have never cheated on my diet because I want to be well
as soon as I can. I have a hard time understanding other people who
have additions beause I know that vise only feels good for a little
while and the down is not fun so why hurt your body at all. My lungs
were bleeding smooking was not even good to me anymore I can't stand
cigs I don't even like to look at them. When I quit drinking 3 years
a go it was the same thing, the smell makes me wanna puke like it is
ether to me.I know not everyone can be as strong as I am but maby you
can understand that I am at a loose here, I jsut don't know what to
do and I love him very much. I want him to be happy. I know it is not
my fault he was drinking to escape but I feel like it is my fault we
are both unhappy. I can be happy for a while but true happynees does
not live in our house.
Nicole--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "zuppie_2001"
<zuppie_2001@y...> wrote:
> Hi Ryan,
> Sorry for the delay in someone responding to you...this club has
> been really quiet...but it is really for Alanon folks, those who
are
> friends and family of alcoholics. Of course many alcoholics are
also
> friends and family of other alcoholics, but I believe it is
> suggested that alcoholics go to AA groups first. As that is your
> main issue. We do all follow about the same program, but the
> sponsorship and sharings of an alcoholic can be most helpful.
> Congratulations to you for both quitting drinking and smoking!
That
> is terrific. I myself am cigarette free for 8 days now...one day
at
> a time. You are so young, quit now! ....it is allot easier than
at
> 45 trust me:)
> I hope you consider giving AA meetings in your area a chance. If
> you don't like the first meeting you attend, try another, some are
> better than others and find one you like. I am from a family of
> alcoholics and one is dead now....but three are sober at least 15
> years a piece thanks to God and AA.
> You cannot blame your drinking on your girlfriend....just as I
> cannot blame my failed attempts at quitting smoking on stresses in
my
> life. Somehow we have got to learn to deal with stressful times in
> our lives without resorting to our fixes:) I don't know what the
> answers all are... I am told to thank God daily for having another
> smoke free day and to ask him to guide me each day and keep me
clean.
> And to not get too cocky and think I have beaten anything. People
go
> back to drinking and smoking years after quitting. For the rest of
> my life I will be a nicotene addict even if I never smoke again.
> I do know that is is okay to reach out for help from others....call
> someone if I am feeling weak and stressed. It is okay to go to
> Alanon meetings and pray to God and ask anyone I know for support
> when I need it. People so very much want to help you stay
> clean....it helps them when they help you. Don't be afraid to
reach
> out it sounds like you are doing everything on your own and you are
> doing a great job..... but together we are always stronger and
> better Ryan. We usually get whatever we deserve is one thing I
know.
> We make our own happiness in our lives. If there is something
wrong
> with our lives it is usually our own fault. There is nothing wrong
> with not making lots of money....what is important is our sanity
and
> happiness....people come first....and when we are at peace and
happy
> with ourselves and others then we can worry about money and things.
> Money does not make people happy. When you are ready to make more
> money you will do so. Right now you are focusing on more important
> issues. You can run another time of the day now....my lungs are
> already stronger from just 8 days not smoking and I am starting to
> run a little. Exercise will help you to feel better about yourself
> and there is that nice runner's high lol to replace the bad highs
> from the booze and smokes lol. You are a fun person now Ryan, you
> can be whatever you want to be. God Bless you and I hope your
> girlfriend gets better, don't ever quit trying, because it is only
> when we quit trying that we have truly lost.
> Big Hug, susie from Florida:)
>
>
> --- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, rghbog <no_reply@y...> wrote:
> > --- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "C. Ryan Taylor"
> <glide2@a...>
> > wrote:
> > > Hi everyone,
> > > My girlfriend found this site for me after I finally admitted
> that
> > I
> > > needed something to help me get through this patch in my life.
I
> > have
> > > been sober for 7 months now and still counting. I quit drinking
> > back
> > > in November after seeing a hypno-therapist who had helped me
quit
> > > smoking cigarettes earlier in the year.
> > > I am a 25 year old storyboard artist and a screenwriter living
in
> > Los
> > > Angeles, CA. I seem to deal with rejection on a weekly basis.
At
> > > least I did until I decided to put the stressful career on hold
> and
> > > just get a job that would make me happy, one that I wouldn't
have
> > to
> > > take home with me, that wouldn't bring me to such low downs
when
> > > things weren't going right.
> > > I still have a full plate of issues that I'm not sure need to
be
> > > spelled out right now. Most of which are out of my control but
> > still
> > > effect my life anyway.
> > > I haven't been to a meeting or any other form of group besides
> this
> > > one since I quit. I'm not sure if meetings would be right for
me,
> > but
> > > I don't know. That has been one of my tuffist obstacles to
> > overcome,
> > > the "I Don't Know" syndrome that has been seeding in my brain.
> The
> > > inability to make major decisions.
> > > My girlfriend was one of the reasons I drank. She became
> diagnosed
> > > with a bladder disorder last year that had been effecting her
for
> a
> > > few years and has basicly disablied her to the point where she
> has
> > no
> > > energy, is constantly in pain, has insomnia and constantly
> bitching
> > > about how bad she feels. She moved out here to California with
me
> > and
> > > her parents helped us buy a house last year. The fear that she
> > won't
> > > get any better and just get worse consumes me. It did then and
> > still
> > > does. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve this but...
> > > It's that damn "but..." The "I don't know but..."
> > > I work a crappy job for minimum wage even though I have a
college
> > > degree.
> > > My life now is like the opening scene in the movie "Permanent
> > > Midnight" where Stiller's Jerry Stahl is working at the frozen
> fish
> > > fast food joint at the end of his stint in rehab and the stoner
> kid
> > > asks him for some of that really good sauce. "Tarter sauce?"
> > > That is a near perfect snapshot of what I go through on a daily
> > > basis. Except replace the fish place with a Movie theater and
> > > surround me with teenagers and thousands of stoners asking for
> > extra
> > > butter. Alot of my experiences, past and present, have made
their
> > way
> > > into some of my screenplays. In my latest script, I equated my
> > > alcohol addiction to vampirism. it's an interesting read, needs
a
> > bit
> > > of work.
> > > I have replaced drinking and smoking with chocolate and Kool-
aid.
> > > Sometimes soda. So of course I have put on a few pounds. I
wanted
> > to
> > > start running in the mornings, but then I started working
nights
> so
> > > mornings are out.
> > > I have a ton of stories and experiences if anyone is
interested.
> I
> > > figured I'd do as my girlfriend asked and post to the site. I
> > didn't
> > > mean for this to be so long, so thank you for reading all of
> this.
> > I
> > > used to be a fun person. I think I can be again.
> > > Ryan