--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, "C. Ryan Taylor" <glide2@a...>
wrote:
> Hi everyone,
> My girlfriend found this site for me after I finally admitted that
I
> needed something to help me get through this patch in my life. I
have
> been sober for 7 months now and still counting. I quit drinking
back
> in November after seeing a hypno-therapist who had helped me quit
> smoking cigarettes earlier in the year.
> I am a 25 year old storyboard artist and a screenwriter living in
Los
> Angeles, CA. I seem to deal with rejection on a weekly basis. At
> least I did until I decided to put the stressful career on hold and
> just get a job that would make me happy, one that I wouldn't have
to
> take home with me, that wouldn't bring me to such low downs when
> things weren't going right.
> I still have a full plate of issues that I'm not sure need to be
> spelled out right now. Most of which are out of my control but
still
> effect my life anyway.
> I haven't been to a meeting or any other form of group besides this
> one since I quit. I'm not sure if meetings would be right for me,
but
> I don't know. That has been one of my tuffist obstacles to
overcome,
> the "I Don't Know" syndrome that has been seeding in my brain. The
> inability to make major decisions.
> My girlfriend was one of the reasons I drank. She became diagnosed
> with a bladder disorder last year that had been effecting her for a
> few years and has basicly disablied her to the point where she has
no
> energy, is constantly in pain, has insomnia and constantly bitching
> about how bad she feels. She moved out here to California with me
and
> her parents helped us buy a house last year. The fear that she
won't
> get any better and just get worse consumes me. It did then and
still
> does. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve this but...
> It's that damn "but..." The "I don't know but..."
> I work a crappy job for minimum wage even though I have a college
> degree.
> My life now is like the opening scene in the movie "Permanent
> Midnight" where Stiller's Jerry Stahl is working at the frozen fish
> fast food joint at the end of his stint in rehab and the stoner kid
> asks him for some of that really good sauce. "Tarter sauce?"
> That is a near perfect snapshot of what I go through on a daily
> basis. Except replace the fish place with a Movie theater and
> surround me with teenagers and thousands of stoners asking for
extra
> butter. Alot of my experiences, past and present, have made their
way
> into some of my screenplays. In my latest script, I equated my
> alcohol addiction to vampirism. it's an interesting read, needs a
bit
> of work.
> I have replaced drinking and smoking with chocolate and Kool-aid.
> Sometimes soda. So of course I have put on a few pounds. I wanted
to
> start running in the mornings, but then I started working nights so
> mornings are out.
> I have a ton of stories and experiences if anyone is interested. I
> figured I'd do as my girlfriend asked and post to the site. I
didn't
> mean for this to be so long, so thank you for reading all of this.
I
> used to be a fun person. I think I can be again.
> Ryan