Hi everyone,
My girlfriend found this site for me after I finally admitted that I
needed something to help me get through this patch in my life. I have
been sober for 7 months now and still counting. I quit drinking back
in November after seeing a hypno-therapist who had helped me quit
smoking cigarettes earlier in the year.
I am a 25 year old storyboard artist and a screenwriter living in Los
Angeles, CA. I seem to deal with rejection on a weekly basis. At
least I did until I decided to put the stressful career on hold and
just get a job that would make me happy, one that I wouldn't have to
take home with me, that wouldn't bring me to such low downs when
things weren't going right.
I still have a full plate of issues that I'm not sure need to be
spelled out right now. Most of which are out of my control but still
effect my life anyway.
I haven't been to a meeting or any other form of group besides this
one since I quit. I'm not sure if meetings would be right for me, but
I don't know. That has been one of my tuffist obstacles to overcome,
the "I Don't Know" syndrome that has been seeding in my brain. The
inability to make major decisions.
My girlfriend was one of the reasons I drank. She became diagnosed
with a bladder disorder last year that had been effecting her for a
few years and has basicly disablied her to the point where she has no
energy, is constantly in pain, has insomnia and constantly bitching
about how bad she feels. She moved out here to California with me and
her parents helped us buy a house last year. The fear that she won't
get any better and just get worse consumes me. It did then and still
does. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve this but...
It's that damn "but..." The "I don't know but..."
I work a crappy job for minimum wage even though I have a college
degree.
My life now is like the opening scene in the movie "Permanent
Midnight" where Stiller's Jerry Stahl is working at the frozen fish
fast food joint at the end of his stint in rehab and the stoner kid
asks him for some of that really good sauce. "Tarter sauce?"
That is a near perfect snapshot of what I go through on a daily
basis. Except replace the fish place with a Movie theater and
surround me with teenagers and thousands of stoners asking for extra
butter. Alot of my experiences, past and present, have made their way
into some of my screenplays. In my latest script, I equated my
alcohol addiction to vampirism. it's an interesting read, needs a bit
of work.
I have replaced drinking and smoking with chocolate and Kool-aid.
Sometimes soda. So of course I have put on a few pounds. I wanted to
start running in the mornings, but then I started working nights so
mornings are out.
I have a ton of stories and experiences if anyone is interested. I
figured I'd do as my girlfriend asked and post to the site. I didn't
mean for this to be so long, so thank you for reading all of this. I
used to be a fun person. I think I can be again.
Ryan