Flaminjo,
I completely understand the confusion about the "not needing to be falling down
drunk to have an alcohol problem", and for a long time that was the hardest part
for me in accepting the First Step. My alcoholic (my husband) is very rarely
actually "drunk", so for me to admit there was an alcohol problem in our house
was tough. He is very high-functioning, and is such a wonderful person
(without the alcohol), that at this point, as far as I know, I am the only one
who sees there is a problem. But just remember the freedom that comes with
"Letting go and letting God." I don't have to worry myself sick about what he
is doing, and I now refuse to make excuses to others for his behavior. (I don't
tattle either-- I mainly just keep my mouth shut!).
In a f2f meeting I attended the other day, someone said, "I just have to keep
telling myself 'MYOB'!" And I had to laugh, because that's exactly what I have
to do. We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. So what
can we do? We can-- everyone say it with me-- "Mind our own business". Take
care of ourselves. Feel the love of our HP. Feel the love from those of us who
are going through the same things. Feel the love from yourself!
I am so grateful for all of you, and hope that your serenity continues to grow,
Flaminjo.
Peace,
JJ

zuppie_2001 <zuppie_2001@...> wrote:
Hi Flaminjo,
I am sorry no one has answered your post sooner...I have not been
here much myself lately...your message touched me...it is sad yet
hopeful...
I am thinking that we all are wonderful children of God who deserve
to be treated with respect and honor. I let my ex verbally abuse me
and physically intimidate me for many many years... I am still
working on why I thought I had to live like that. Yes that is
true...someone doesn't have to be falling down drunk to have a
problem with alcohol...There are many stages and degrees...but it
does affect them...and everyone around them...and usually gets worse.
I often think people use drugs and alcohol and other stuff when they
don't want to deal with problems...so they never learn how to deal
with problems..
Detachment and Letting go are wonderful tools to help us cope...
When I have get overly stressed I try to remember to say the Serenity
prayer...that really helps.
I hope you are doing okay..
susie

--- In chicagoalanon@yahoogroups.com, flaminjo <no_reply@y...> wrote:
> Further to my last message: I've since heard that someone doesn't
> have to be 'falling down drunk' to have a problem with alcohol.
>
> My husband's other addiction to chat rooms & women has escalated.
> I'm experiencing increasing anxiety & sadness, but with the help &
> support of my wonderful interim sponsor & also other members, I am
> proud of how I am dealing with it - at the moment. I ask my Higher
> Power for help when I start to feel emmotional & really concentrate
> hard to stop that feeling taking over me.
>
> I don't feel angry towards my husband, a tiny bit resentful to life
> maybe. I feel calm in a way & do not react in any way to whatever
> he does. I can treat him with kindness & courtesy. Though we'll
> see how well I'm doing when he returns from his 2nd weekend away!
>
> I'm reading the Courage To Change & One Day At A Time books at
every
> opportunity, particularly on Detatchment & Letting Go.
>
> I opened my friday al anon meeting today, the topic
> being 'Boundaries' which for me is really quite a joke as I have
> them, but my husband tramples straight through them! Tomorrow's
> topic is Letting Go, which should be good for me!


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