I have recently been reading "Finding a Way: a Realist's Introduction
to Self-help Therapy"
http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0946551138/sunflowerheal-21
In a chapter on "Worry, Guilt & Relaxation" there are some very
perceptive observations about that great and distinctly human
preoccupation of ours: "worrying"...

A distinction is drawn between "Useful worry" and "Useless worry". A
synopsis of the main points, plus a few of my own observations, are
listed below...

Useful worry
------------
* Reviewing the past - what has happened - and learning from it

* Planning & Rehearsing the future and thereby being more effective
when the time comes

* Is balanced (in terms of attention, time and energy) against the
needs of the present moment, including our health, wellbeing &
relationship needs

* Non-worriers tend to be over-impulsive or emotionally driven -
"Look before you leap" can save lives, jobs, happiness and
relationships

Useless worry
-------------

* Does not improve our performance in the future, may even worsen it
with over-planning, over-controlling, reduced
flexibility, "blinkered" vision" (fear of the past repeating itself),
maybe even approaching the future in a high anxiety or "already worn-
out" state.

* Impairs our attention and functioning in the present

* Can be a substitute for, or distraction from, taking the actual
ACTIONS that will make things happen and enhance our life - The
Universe Rewards Action! - it does not reward WORRY!

* Over time damages our health, happiness and relationships. Stress, tension,
cardiovascular problems, dysfunctional immune system (under-active or
over-active) and depression can all stem from a hsbit of excessive worrying.

* Leads to addictive, self-harmful behaviours, obsessions and cravings - e.g.
comfort eating and/or smoking, alcohol or taking recreational drugs to relax.


How to Minimise Useless Worry
-----------------------------

1. Accept that there is no such thing as "perfect preparation"

2. Accept that the future can never be fully controlled - life is a
risk and an experiment, full of a myriad variables

3. Accept that much of our worry reflects basic and often deeper
insecurity issues that we are not addressing

4. LOOK HONESTLY AT THE ILLUSORY PAYOFFS that make useless worry a
compulsive habit...

* worry as a way of avoiding action

* worry as a way of "sucking in" the attention of other people

* worry as a currency for co-dependent relationships "Sharing our
worries is [the main thing?] what keeps us together"

* worry as a dishonest and dysfunctional way of proving that we
care! A poor substitute for telling people how much we value them,
need them, have difficulty coping with life, or desperately need a
certain outcome

* pride, self-righteousness, self-image ("I know what should be
worried about")

* controlling others by giving them our worries

* blocking or minimising others by "giving them something to worry
about"

5. Interrupt a train of worry with breathwork techniques, physical
exercise, change of environment, better communication, getting help,
support or advice, etc. etc.

6. Repeating the affirmation: "1 day at a time - 1 step at a time!"

7. Become more aware of where reality ends and "scary fantasies" begin. Get
other opinions, or "let go, until you are more relaxed" in order to get a better
perspective on things.
Find it hard to let go? Then visit:
http://www.lovehealth.org/books/letgo.htm

8. Decisions cannot be made without adequate facts - obtain them or defer
deciding

9. Ask yourself "What am I avoiding by doing all this worrying?"

10. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed, but realise that some of
the very worrying things in our past and present can in fact be changed, not by
worrying but by things like apologising, seeking to understand, forgiveness,
making amends etc.


Burnout & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (M.E.)
-----------------------------------------
The author of "Finding a Way", Alex Howard, comes from a background
of having suffered ME (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). He had been a
normal, happy teenager until just before his sixteenth birthday when
he began to experience strange, unexplained physical symptoms. After
spending two years bed-bound and developing clinical depression, Alex
committed himself to finding a cure and returning himself to health
and happiness - an "...amazing journey that will challenge your most
basic assumptions about life". He has written of this journey in
another book:
"Why Me? My Journey from M.E. to Health and Happiness"
http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1901447170/sunflowerheal-21
I presume that "Me" here is a play on "M.E." the abbreviation
for "myalgic encephalomyelitis".


Mike
http://www.stress-counselling.co.uk