Over the past few days I noticed that I was becoming increasingly
stressed - constantly rushing about with "Too much to do and too
little time and energy to do it with!". I was feeling increasingly
heavy-hearted, desperate, frustrated and resentful.

Eventually I just had to "let go" and take time out to sort this one
out, because my days, and my life, were becoming more and more
miserable and empty.

Letting go and taking time out to really accept and feel increasing
state of suffering was the hard part, the rest was both easy and
wonder-ful.

I began by giving myself this question to complete...

"I have to work hard because..."

The answer came without effort...

"..because if I don't I will fail!".

The answer reflected my strong "work ethic" childhood conditioning.
Into my mind flooded the oft-repeated dirges from my childhood
mentors, such as...

"If you don't work hard you will get nowhere!"

and the glowing praise lavished on people who did "work really hard"
and sacrificed themselves (i.e. their happiness, their spontaneity
and their availability for flow and harmony) to a task or project.

In later life I have met that old Zen wisdom which says that "Those
who try too hard to win, end up defeating themselves".

From a religious, spiritual or even plain social point of
view, "trying too hard" easily leads us away from sensitivity to, and
living in harmony with, "The people/world around us" or "The will of
God", or "The flow of universal energy". In other words we are trying
to force our personal plan or vision onto the rest of the world. This
invites many forms of non-co-operation and even outright resistance
from the patterns of the people/world/divine wisdom around us. The
best plans, actions and visions are those which are aligned to the
forces operating in the world around us.

What might it be like to try less hard?


The COST of TRYING LESS HARD
----------------------------

One cost is that we cannot entirely have the present or the future
exactly as we would way we would like it. In practical terms this
means a degree of adjustment or compromise of our personal vision so
that we are working WITH the forces around us rather than against
them. The second cost is that we lose a certain amount of self-
righteousness, personal aggrandisement and personal credit that goes
with "Having things our own way" and "Doing it alone".

The REWARDS from TRYING LESS HARD
---------------------------------

First let us be clear that less hard does not mean giving up, making
only a feeble effort, or letting God/The Universe/Other people do all
the work! My years of Buddhist meditation training taught a great
principle called "Balanced effort".

The rewards I experience when I surrender my ego-driven-ness to find
a harmonious path forward are:

1) Viable tasks and projects can be achieved with much less effort
2) Co-operating with others (people/the Universe/God) can be fun and
loving connection
3) I don't waste resources on plans, actions and agendas that are
really non-viable in their present form!


However, hearing and knowing this wisdom is one thing, to actually
live it ("Walk the talk") is quite another! - Especially if we were
programmed from an early age to follow unbalanced patterns of living!

So, this week I knew that I had to dig deeper to find a route out of
(and to "root out") my old "trying too hard" pattern....

The next step was to pursue my "..if I don't I will fail!" belief a
bit further...

I posed myself the question...

"If I fail then...."

The answer was "No one will love me!" - quite a shock, but accurately
reflecting a childhood family environment where love was often
conditional on successful completion of tasks and failure invited
swingeing criticism.

The process I have described whereby I gained insight into what is
driving my "Trying too hard" behaviour is part of the training
provided by an international organisation called "The Kairos
Foundation" (their website is www.moretolife.org). Their basic course
("More to Life") emphasizes the importance of "Walking the talk" - of
actually changing our behaviour (everyday life) to reflect the new
insight (truth, reality) we have gained about a dysfunctional pattern
we have been following.

Changing our behaviour in small ways on a day to day basis is a
powerful way to change our reality - to root out those dysfunctional
beliefs from childhood by creating a web of new self-empowering and
more fulfilling experiences.

[UK members of this group may be interested to know that a "More to
Life" course is coming up in London later this month, details at:
http://www.kairosfoundation.org/p/x/cal/calmain.html]

My painful reminder this week about an old "trying too hard" pattern
was occasioned by my preparations for a workshop I am running this
weekend called "Facing up to Hostility and Aggression". I love doing
my workshops and I love to see the wonder, joy and empowerment that
they can bring to participants. Unfortunately it is just when "things
really matter most" that our old dysfunctional patterns can re-emerge
to "shoot us in the foot" such that we unconsciously sabotage our
well-intentioned efforts.

At another level, my painful reminder this week can be seen as a
great gift from God/Life/The Universe because it reminds me to
mention in my workshop that being over-burdened and "trying too hard"
are two of the great roots of hostility and aggression...

When we are over-loaded by "our own stuff" we easily become
insensitive, demanding and even forceful towards the dreams, needs
and vulnerabilities of others.

[My forthcoming workshops are listed at: www.sunflower-
health.com/workshops.htm]


Good luck with your own un-burdening!

Michael Meredith