Valerie, yes, I am blessed that I have my Michael that loved me at 260lbs when we met, 320 when we married, and 420 at my heaviest, and all the way back to smaller than I was in HS. He love me regardless.
I do empathize with you. i get a lot of attention from men due to where I work. I've had several flirt until they notice the wedding rings (and some "sleazeoids" who flirt after that anyway) and I've often wondered what it would be like to be single and in the dating pool.
When I was big and single, I vowed that if i ever lost all the weight, I would NEVER date a guy who knew me big but wouldn't date me then. Friends asked me what I'd do if I met a guy who didn't know me at my biggest. I finally decided that I would give him the benefit of the doubt. easier said than done, I'm sure.
I have a friend who is single and has had WLS. She gives the benefit of the doubt... but watches to see how he reacts to and treats those out there who are obese. She has pictures of herself hanging in her home with family and friends. When the guy she is dating sees her big pictures, she usually gets a good indication of how his mind works. The guy she is currently seeing (and has been for over a year-I hear wedding bells!) saw a family pic and said, "Is that your sister? She's just as cute as you are." Other guys made unkind comments, and she stopped seeing them.
But all that said, I do not know from personal experience what you single ladies who are post WLS are going through... but I truly empatize.
I have to wonder though... do you imagine women who have always been thin may go through the same things? "Oh, he can't see the birthmark/stretch mark/etc under my clothes." Is anybody ever TRULY unself-concious of how someone else is going to react the first time clothing is gone?
And Val, I've seen your post WLS tummy (you once showed me when I was asking about PS)... what's wrong with it? I'm not blowing smoke up your tailpipe... I truly wish MY tummy looked as good!
My thoughts and heart are with you, my dear single sisters. I am always here with a listening ear if you ever want to talk... married though I am.
Cathy Spencer
Houston,12/20/04
S-420/C-197/L-170/G-180)
http://www.PictureTrail.com/cathyspencer
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/cathyspencer
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=38409830
--- On Sun, 2/1/09, Valerie <vnash72@...> wrote:
From: Valerie <vnash72@...>
Subject: RE: [centennial_support_group] RE: Embrace your Shar-pei look.
To: centennial_support_group@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, February 1, 2009, 7:06 PM
I guess it isn’t so graphic as sensitive. I am getting attention from men now and am not letting anyone too close emotionally or physically because of my WLS body. When you’re obese it is obvious that “what you see is what you get.” Now, with clothing a lot of problem areas can be covered with clothing. The dressed me looks a whole lot better than the naked me. I know that if you find the right guy it won’t matter and all that but I am too self-conscious to even give a guy a chance. I am not sure how to come to terms with this. Guys maybe you could jump in here and give us the man’s point of view.
Those of you with spouses or so’s have been together through thick and thin so are used to the body changes that come with WLS but for us single gals it’s different. Maybe I am not explaining myself clearly but I am hoping there are others out there with similar feelings and can suggest or share some thoughts.
From: centennial_support_ group@yahoogroup s.com [mailto: centennial_support_ group@yahoogroup s.com ] On Behalf Of CATHY SPENCER
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 2:26 PM
To: centennial_support_ group@yahoogroup s.com
Subject: [centennial_ support_group] RE: Embrace your Shar-pei look.
|
Mike and I discovered that ours hangs like cow udders when we're bent over. We just laugh and say, "How UDDERLY (utterly) rediculous!" LOL
Cathy Spencer
Houston,12/20/ 04
S-420/C-197/ L-170/G-180)
http://www.PictureT rail.com/ cathyspencer
http://www.obesityh elp.com/member/ cathyspencer
http://www.facebook .com/profile. php?id=38409830
--- On Fri, 1/30/09, vnash72@charter. net < vnash72@charter. net > wrote:
With that said, can I raise a sensitive subject about intimacy? I won't until I see if too many find the subject uncomfortable.
Thanks,
Valerie
---- Tammy Parker <bamagal4ever@ yahoo.com> wrote:
Another great post Valerie!!! As being single I'm having a hard time thinking any one else would accept my saggy skin other than me....
Hugs,
Tammy P
--- On Fri, 1/30/09, vln00 <vnash72@charter. net> wrote:
From: vln00 <vnash72@charter. net>
Subject: [centennial_ support_group] Embrace your
Shar-pei look.
To: centennial_support_ group@yahoogroup s.com
Date: Friday, January 30, 2009, 8:17 AM
As the pounds melt away, your skin may get a bit droopy. Just like
the Shar-pei dogs with the many folds of sagging skin, you too will
be lovable, soft, and healthy. Your loose skin may tighten up in
time, or you may choose to have it surgically helped along.
Yet, is it not better to have the sagging skin, proud scars of your
battle, than to be sick? Would you trade that skin for diabetes,
sleep apnea, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer risks,
breathlessness, and immobility? Resolve not to be distressed by loose
skin. It is only on the outside. Inside you are healthier, happier,
and still you. Acknowledge the sagging skin as a positive change, for
it is an
indicator that WLS is working for you. You are fulfilling
your commitment to yourself.
Action for the day: Make a list of the things you can do now, that
you could not do before you had weight loss surgery.
© 2009, Katie Jay. All rights reserved. To attend Katie Jay's next
retreat, It's Time to Fall in Love with Yourself, visit www.nawls.com
and click on "Retreats and Events." This one-of-a-kind event will
take place in Dana Point, CA, on the oceanfront.
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