I apologize, as this message will be long.

My mother was diagnosed with young-onset PD ~8 years ago and the
disease is now quite advanced. I am beside myself as to how to help
at this point and am looking for advice. Here's the story:

My mother, prior to PD, was an incredibly kind and loving
individual. She is now very angry and mean much of the time when we
try to help. She has spit in my face on several occassions for
trying to help. Her PD is at the point where she falls several
times a day, cannot keep track of her meds, has trouble eating,
sleeping, reading, etc., frequently experiences hallucinations,
incontinence, cognitive difficulties, etc. Bottom line, I don't
believe she is safe living by herself although she does. I have two
siblings who live near her (I live a state away) and we all try to
work to help but she is now very protective of her medicines and
won't let us look at what she's taking or try to help with everyday
activities. Therefore, her house is unsanitary, her meds are all
over the place, her checkbook is incomprehensible, etc. We have
tried to talk to her on several occassions over the years to try
things such as home nurse visits (she wouldn't open the door for the
nurse) to check medications or convince her to look for an assisted
care facility with us. She is in denial about the progression of
the disease and talks constantly about her problems being associated
with bad eyes, bad telephones, etc. On some fronts, I feel this
would be fine as she would only be hurting herself by insisting on
keeping everything to herself. However, this has been a large drain
on our family as she calls frequently due to hallucinations in the
middle of the night or lost medications or other needs that need to
be met such as telephone call or dr. appts. We go to the doctor
with her all the time but little seems to come from the visits as
she is at the end of the medication rope given the many years of
trying different drugs. Furthermore, the doctor does not want to
get in the middle of these personal issues such as assited care and
he focuses primarily on medications. My sister (and some of my
mom's friends) takes the brunt of these responsibilities and is
frequently yelled at or ridiculed by my mother when she comes over
to help (which is almost every day now). I live a state away and
try to do as much as possible but she rarely can talk on the phone
coherently. My sister and I talk everyday and mom tells her
different things than she tells my sister to make everything sound
ok. I convinced her to go to a psychologist once....which she sat
through tight-lipped without saying much and insisting she had no
problems and she was just going for me (I wasn't there but the
psychologist called me after to discuss the session). We do not
know what to do. She is many time barely functional (over the
holidays she had a pile of gifts which she didn't know whom they
were bought for and then got very upset at the subsequent confusion)
and takes risks with my son (brand new 8mo old, she can't remember
his name) and then gets very upset when I ask her not to pick him up.

I want to do more to help and I want to help my sister cope with the
constant calls and confusion but we don't know how. She won't even
consider moving to an assisted care facility nor home care and I'm
beginning to think she never will. We are at a point where
something needs to be done for everyone's safety and sanity but I
don't even know where to start given her lack of cooperation and
hostility.

Has anyone experienced similar reluctance from family members and
found ways to help cope? Any advice would be much appreciated.