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| Op/Ed - Ted Rall |
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SODOMIZE THIS
By Ted Rall Sexual Liberation Comes Courtesy of the Supremes
NEW YORK--Sodomy is now the law of the land, but like other precious freedoms it could be lost unless we citizens make the most of it. That's why I'm declaring an Era of National Sodomy (ENS). All patriotic Americans are hereby urged to track down a consenting adult of the same or opposite sex and shout out: "Hey! How about you and me hooking up for some newly-legalized oral and/or anal intercourse?" It is your patriotic duty to drop by your local high school nurse's office, pick up some free condoms, and start sodomizing for America!
In a decision that nearly makes up for Bush v. Gore, the nation's highest court has stricken a Texas statute that banned back-door love between gay men and women. (In a little-used loophole, the practice would have been legal between gay men and gay women.) "[Gays'] right to liberty under the Due Process Clause gives them the full right to engage in their conduct without intervention of the government," wrote Justice Anthony Kennedy (news - web sites) for the 6-to-3 majority. "The Texas statute furthers no legitimate state interest which can justify its intrusion into the personal and private life of the individual."
Laws banning sodomy between gays in Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri were also overturned by the decision. But the greatest beneficiaries of the Supremes' judgement are the millions of heterosexual couples who risked violating sodomy laws in Idaho, Utah, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina and Virginia. Until June 27, anyone caught engaging in sodomy--having oral or anal sex--in those states faced arrest, regardless of their sexual orientation.
What a tragic waste of sexual potential those laws represent! According to a 1995 Playboy survey, 66 percent of Americans felt that they weren't getting enough oral sex. How much workplace inefficiency was created by employee frustration? How many soldiers, distracted by a state of horniness, fell in battle? At the time of the decision 82,996,177 people lived in the oppressive anti-sodomy belt; millions more traveled to and through those missionary-position-only regions of the country. These newly-liberated people--in the United States of America, for God's sake!--no longer face arrest when they make love to their spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends in a manner previously proscribed by their state legislatures. And yes, it really did happen--more than 2,000 people were charged with sodomy law violations between 1988 and 1995 in Louisiana, where each faced a $2,000 fine plus a five-year prison term. Is it any wonder that two-thirds of the public was terrified of putting their naughty bits in legal jeopardy?
Not everyone is celebrating our newfound freedoms to lick and poke as we see fit. An agitated Antonin Scalia (news - web sites) decried the court's turn to "the so-called homosexual agenda," despite the fact that most people affected by the overturned anti-sodomy laws are in fact straight. Scalia was joined by William Rehnquist (news - web sites)--and by Clarence Thomas (news - web sites), whose confirmation hearings revealed his taste in pornography to be as vanilla as his politics. Scalia's dissent warned that the ruling "effectively decrees the end of all morals legislation" and would lead to the legalization of gay marriage. "If the hallmarks of the test are consent and privacy," said Ken Connor of the right-wing Family Research Council, "then that throws the door open to any sexual behavior."
Sounds fun! Anyone who frets about the sex acts of total strangers, much less calls for government regulation of private boning, needs to get a life.
Nevertheless, let's not dismiss the concerns of our uptight and anal-retentive minority as the rest of us roll around doing whatever we want with whomever we like in the privacy of our homes and by-the-hour motel rooms. These are dark days for the neo-Puritan set. Before the Supreme Court turned Communist on them, America was a place where the depressing thought that people were somewhere out there having a good time was balanced out by the satisfying knowledge that they faced prison time if the fuzz ever nailed them. Now they've lost that comfort--and their horny spouses and mistresses are demanding they make up for lost time in the oral and anal sex department.
Why not reach out to the right-wingers in your area, and invite them over for some nice, relaxing, oral and/or anal sex? I know what you're thinking, but remember--everyone looks liberal in the dark.
(Ted Rall is the author of "Gas War: The Truth Behind the American Occupation of Afghanistan (news - web sites)," an analysis of the underreported Trans-Afghanistan Pipeline project and the real motivations behind the war on terrorism. Ordering information is available at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.)
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And here are some recent Ted Rall cartoons:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index2&cid=1071&pg=1
| Yahoo! News Sun, Jul 13, 2003 |
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Religion 101. Drug War = fundamentalist Holy War. Theocracy today. Surveys among pastors concerning cannabis, marijuana. John McCain on the Taleban wing of the Republican Party. Ralph Reed, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Dr. Laura, Family Research Council. Fundamentalist pseudo-spirituality. Paleo-Republicans of the Rabid Right, the Religious Right, and the corporatist Republicrat one-party theocratic dictatorship. Finger-wagging, pontificating, hypocritical, pseudo-spiritual, false-prophet, bible-thumpers. Links. Directories.
http://www.angelfire.com/rnb/y/religion.htm and
http://members.fortunecity.com/multi19/religion.htm
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Revolution! It's time to storm the Bastille and liberate the 2.16 million prisoners in the USA! F**k Texas fundamentalist rule!
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| World Prison Population Rates. In descending order. |
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Rates are calculated for the total number of |
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Order of info. Left to right. More notes at end of list. |
| Only 2 U.S. states (Texas and Louisiana) are in the list: 1014 Texas 1999 (governor George W. Bush) |
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Incarceration RATE per 100,000 population. You can |
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http://www.angelfire.com/rnb/y/world.htm Web charts. |
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MMM. Million Marijuana March. 236+ cities globally.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cannabisaction
1.3% of Texas adults imprisoned today!
4.8% in jail, prison, probation, or parole!
Texas leads the world! Texas is 666 EVIL! ;)
Texas = state-sponsored drug-war terrorism!
Remember Tulia, Texas! Please forward any of this.
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