Long story short,
In June of 2001 I was stopped short by a debilitating candida
infection. I visited 12 doctors (recieved mostly mental illness
diagnosis) and 6 hospitals to no avail. I did show some biggies
(chronic pericarditis, colitis, etc.) but no cause. I lost 60 pounds
and was bedridden for the better part of a year. During this time it
was impossible for me to support myself. I had to do enimas every
other day to move my bowels for they just didn't work on their own. I
had to cut all forms of sugar out of my diet. I could only tolerate
pureed kale and poached salmon. I had to eat many times during the
day to support my blood sugar. If I would eat sugar I would come just
short of a heart attack and would be struggling for breath for days,
not to mention the pain. All in all, I was in bad shape. I had been a
United States Ski Team hopeful just a few short years before this
happened, it can happen to anyone.
My road home:
I took the "inside, outside approach". I covered all the ground I
could on the outside: special diet, supplements, exersise (when
able), research out the wazoo, etc. And the inside: studying
foundations of spiritual illness, experimenting with meditations,
taking intuitive chances. Let's face it, when you are sick you want
the real medicine, anything that will work will do.
What I found:
The lines from inside to outside often mishmashed until it became
hard to distinguish between the two. I would intuitivly be drawn to
try something new, it would work, etc. I began to view this vital
portion of myself as the tool that was going to lead me to wellness.
I began to refine my senses and intuition through an old
traditional spiritual practice. It began to open me to the fact that
my illness was a lesson. I began to take this lesson seriously for
the first time and boy was I in for a surprise. I found that as I
listened deeply to my heart I began to hear it "speak". When I say
speak I mean putting my awareness to my heart and experiencing its
state. I was seriously ill, its state was often painfull, screaming,
etc. But I found that by beginning to take care of my heart I began
to see some very real and tangible changes in my situation.
By spending time with my heart I was able to learn to
distinguish what was right for it and what was not for example: my
heart would feel good when I would pray for help, be compassionate
with others, give love to myself and others, etc. Please note: I kept
up with my doctors and protocols at the same time. You eventually see
that these things (doctors and protocols) can be incredible tools if
you use them in the right way. Things that were wrong for my heart:
Throwing my anger, being a "victim", collapsing. I had a revelation
which held true: this illness was trying to teach me about the place
inside of myself where I had become disconnected with the true heart
or love. Hence the old saying, "In the chest of the human being there
lays a piece of flesh, if this flesh is bad, the whole body is bad,
if this flesh is good, then the whole body is good".
I simply stuck to the things that my heart was fed by and
strictly refused any of the latter as much as I could. If I found
myself hating I would go in and look at that place that was hating,
If I found myself collapsed I would really face the part that was
collapsed. By facing I mean I would bring the love back into these
places. When the love of the true heart would go into these places
they would be fed and satiated all from the inside.
As I began to employ these practices a beautiful sychronicity
unfolded. I began to recieve a lot of outside help that was "hidden"
before. I found a supportive group of people who guided me even
deeper into my search for the cure. Still nothing "outside" meaning
medication, supplements, etc. was really making that much of a
difference.
My heart began to heal from all this work I was doing on it.
Sure enough my body began to follow. I started to be able to walk
again, to eat a larger variety of foods, strictly no sugar. I finally
got a supportive MD who sent off my samples to the Great Smokies Lab.
It came back with 9 parasites, 3 kinds of yeasts, no beneficial
bacteria. To my suprise the meds I took for these didn't work.
It wasn't until I met a great herbalist from the middle east
that I really made some break throughs. His method was to take the
outside for the outside (material for material) and the inside for
the inside (spiritual medicine for the spirit). The outer remedy he
gave me was six cloves of garlic (fresh) crushed and eating 1/2 hour
before the morning meal followed by a large spoon of yogurt. This
remedy is fantastic, I really loved it, immediate results. The inner
perscription he gave was to go into retreat and to really continue
with the path I was finding in the heart.
It worked:
I had a huge breakthrough in the retreat and along with the remedy I
gained the weight back in about two weeks. I have only since then
seen slight traces of the illness show its face.
I am omitting a lot of details to keep it short but if this post
feels good to you feel free to email any questions. God willing there
is always a way to heal. To all those searching for a answers I can
only give this simple advice: Take your chance, don't stop with
anything other than love, keep straight, listen to your heart, and of
course first and foremost: mercy mercy mercy
Sincerely,
Ben