I am in need of any sort of conversation.

I've got myself all worked up over some things. I went to visit a
friend about 9 or 10 months ago in Texas. Just before I was supposed
to leave I thought I had a bladder infection. The doctor saw me
right away and said that I didn't have an infection but needed to
have follow-up when I got back from my trip. He gave me Detrol to
help with the constant feeling of having to go to the bathroom.

Well, needless to say I've been on the Detrol from that point on. I
also bleed everytime my husband and I have relationships. To the
point that it's all over him, myself and the sheets. When I go to
the bathroom and sit for any length of time the toilet looks like
I'm on my monthly.

I don't have any reproductive stuff anymore. Not even a cervix. I've
had everything gone for over 18 years. I'm supposed to go to texas
again right after my son graduates. I have finally broke down and
called and made an appointment but this doctor couldn't take me
until the 21st of May. Today I called my doctor and he got me into
another doctor on Friday.

I guess I've been not wanting to face the whole thing again and
thought it would just go away but I'm feeling as though I've really
done myself in this time. What am I going to do if they have to take
everything away from me that a woman is supposed to be? How will my
husband be able to love me like a woman? He says that he loves me
and we will get through this. My mind is going crazy.

Anyone have any ideas that will help my mind from leaving me?