--- In cancercured@y..., "Marc Baime" <mbaime@g...> wrote:


Tricia and William and my other friends out there in the email
ether......

My heart went out to you when I read your letter tonight. I was
diagnosed
with esophageal cancer here in Tampa, FL on December 12 of last year,
Tricia
and William, and this is a tough row to hoe. Don't let anyone tell
you
differently 'cause if they do they're lying to you.

Personally I've gone on a macrobiotic diet...a pretty strict one
though I
occasionally cheat. Though it might seem odd, the diet has given me
a sense
of some control in the midst of all the medical craziness. Some
people go
on such a diet and do not do chemo but I have been combining chemo
with the
diet and it has helped me to remain strong and feel somewhat in
control in a
situation that reeks of lack of control and makes me feel out of
control.
The books that inspired me to go on the Macrobiotic diet were Elaine
Nussbaum's book 'Recovery From Cancer' and Michio Kushi's books on
macrobiotics. I was also inspired from discussions I had with a fellow
worker who has had cancer also. See
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0895295040/qid=987908972/sr=1-
1/ref=s
c_b_2/002-2419398-3427242 . Also
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0895294869/ref=sim_books/002-
2419398-
3427242 and
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0312112459/ref=sim_books/002-
2419398-
3427242
or just search at http://www.amazon.com for Elaine Nussbaum and Michio
Kushi. The book is truly worth reading as Elaine has extensive
discussion
of her feelings of helplessness in the face of the cancer and the
chemo. I
saw myself on many pages and felt less alone. If you're interested
there's
lots of information on the net about macrobiotics, though as I've
mentioned
I don't think that you should give up modern medical treatment to use
macrobiotics alone as chemo and surgery do help people and do cure
people
depending upon how your cancer is staged. The diet is just another
weapon
for you.

I've found Amazon (http://www.amazon.com )to be a great resource for
interesting and inspirational material about cancer. Sometimes I
just do
searches there for material and then pick up the books at my local
Barnes
and Noble or Borders. I just picked up Lance Armstrong's (the famous
athlete) book about his successful struggle with cancer called 'It's
Not
About The Bike' at my local Border's bookstore..a good recommendation
from
my boss at work....it appears to be quite inspirational. Lance went
on a
very aggressive program of chemo after being diagnosed stage 4 with
testicular, lung, and brain cancer and beat it. And there are many
other
books and stories of this type as well. It helps to hear about and
read
about these things!

Not to say, for sure, we're going to beat it but we need to live day
to day
thankful for the things we, perhaps, took for granted in the past and
we
must move forward hopefully.

I have also seen a psychiatrist/psychologist to talk about my fears
and
worries and my little triumphs as have my 3 boys and my wife
(separately).
Sometimes it's hard to talk to your spouse and children (and I love
my wife
and kids like I love life itself) as even though they're going
through this
with you and are supportive....they don't have the disease....you
do. My
psychiatrist prescribed some anti-depressants for me which have
helped me
some but I stopped taking them currently as the macrobiotic diet
frowns on
the use of vitamins and drugs that you don't get through a nutritious
diet
but it's something reasonable to consider as I don't think they have
any
tremendously bad impact on the body and, if one bothers you, there are
others that you can try. It's not like it was when there was only
prozac to
take and no other choices. There are dozens of anti-depressants and
stimulants that can modify your mood and it's no shame, in this
situation,
to take something to lift your spirits. People in much less extreme
situations take these things all the time....and it helps them...and
it may
help you if you need it!

Good support from friends and family, good diet and inspirational
reading
are a very wonderful thing if they work for you/if you have these
things
(not everyone is lucky enough to have supportive family and friends).
Though, after telling people about my situation, I can think of very
few who
have let me down. Sometimes it's difficult for others to hear about
and
deal with your situation as it is scary to be reminded of your
mortality.....those of us fighting this disease are reminded daily of
our
mortality. Some of your friends and acquaintances will not be able
to face
this disease you have and talk to you or see you any longer as they
are too
compassionate...they see themselves in you when they hear and see
you...and
don't want to think about the horror of it all and the short, brutish
hand
life can deal you when you least expect it.

A friend of my wife and mine called tonight and I haven't talked to
her
since I got sick...well maybe once...and it was nice to hear from her
as
she's had cancer and understands some of what I'm going through. You
may
find, now that you've been diagnosed with cancer, that some people
don't
want to hear from you but perhaps you...I know it's true of some
people...don't want to or are afraid to talk to their friends and
acquaintances about this disease. I admit that many times I am too
depressed to talk to my friends...even my best friends, though I hope
they
know that I love them still and am just walking a tough road that
doesn't
always allow me to be with them as I used to be with them because,
the truth
is, nothing is the same for my family and I. However, it is
imperative
that you not cut yourself completely off. Even though it is
uncomfortable
for me, I have told not only all my friends about this disease but
people at
work and anyone who will listen to me discuss it. My theory has been
that I
don't know all that much (but I'm becoming educated) about this
disease and
there are tons of people out there who have relatives and friends who
it has
affected who can provide helpful information and contacts. One out
of three
people in Florida (yes,,,cancer is an epidemic in modern
society...but more
about that another time) have cancer at some time in their life and
what
happens is, you start to tell your friends, the people at your
church/synagogue/mosque/whatever, the people at work, the people you
meet on
public transportation, strangers passing through town :-), etc. that
you
have cancer and you will receive, unasked for, all sorts of useful
information and contacts which will help to gird you in preparation
for and
in execution of your fight with this disease. Tell everyone you meet
about
your situation! Casting your bread upon the waters is a good idea
here.

Anyway, be as strong as you can. I believe God is testing us. And
though
I don't believe it when people say God only gives us the burdens that
we
have the shoulders to carry I know we have no choice but to step up
and meet
this tough challenge rather than just curse God and this fate.

I have always liked the story of the religious woman who had walked
with God
all her life and came to the end of her life and stood before the
God to
whom she had always offered her love, respect, and deference and
said 'God,
there's something I need to understand now that I've come to the end
of my
life. When I look backwards at my life I see, and it makes me sad
that, as
I look back at the sands of time, for most of my life you and I left
footprints together in those sands,but, as I went through my
life...well....please don't take offense but when I faced my toughest
challenges and I called out for your help....often it seemed as
though...well, it seemed as though....you weren't there for me and,
in
fact, as I look back from this high vantage point, at those times I
see only
one set of footprints in the sands of time'. And God replied 'Oh my
child,
don't be sad as I never forsook you, because in those times where you
cried
out to me and in those places where, when you look back, you only see
one
set of footprints, it was then and there that I was carrying you'.

This I believe..even though it's hard sometimes....be of good courage
and
faith.....God Bless You and Keep You.

Best Wishes....Marc Baime


-----Original Message-----
From: Tricia and William [mailto:in-truth@h...]
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2001 10:37 PM
To: ChemoAngels4Patients@y...
Subject: [ChemoAngels4Patients] How do I keep my spirit up?



Hi angels:

I just found out I had cancer Feb 15, Currently I am in my fourth
week of
radiation and chemo (taxol and carboplatinum). I was given a small
window
for recovery with surgery being the goal to be decided after 5 weeks.
Initially doctors found a spot on my lung in Dec. but treated it like
it was
an infection. It grew aggressively invading the lymph nodes in the
mid
chest. I feel like I am loosing ground at least in spirit. I am
exhausted
from the battle and have had secondary infections. My spirit feels
so weary
as does my body. I fear I may not have the strength or the will for
this
fight. What helps?

Tricia
--- End forwarded message ---