I feel a bit silly, typing away to total strangers, about something
so personal as being diaognosed with BPD. It Seems wierd to "talk to"
people that I may never meet. I guess That's because I have never
joined any on-line group of any kind before, or even used a chat room
before. I guess I'm a little old fashioned,( cause I am older, 48 )but
still have a ton of growing up to do. But since I moved from Asheville
NC, to Raleigh NC in Jan.I left my DBT & dual diagnoses groups behind.
So the only support groups I have now is AA & NA, this will be my only
support for BPD till I get the guts to reach out. Hope I'm doing this
on-line thing corectly, please give me input on what I should do next,
how to use the chat room, and how to post some of my poems, ( though
not very good ) & maybe some of my drawings, if it feels right. Please
be patient, I'm a very slow typist, & a lousy speller.( & I have a
tendancy to write too much, as you can see )
    So what are your tips for the new commer ?
                                   Thanks in advance,for your support
                                                 Margaret

Will go take a look!  And I will intro myself to you soon... :)
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: Rebecca Elliott Callahan
   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Saturday, April 16, 2005 12:48 PM
   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] poetry



   Decided to post some of my poems in the file section if anyone is
   interested...
   Rebecca





------------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Yahoo! Groups Links

     a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/borderlinecreativity/

     b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
     borderlinecreativity-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

     c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.




------------------------------------------------------------------------------


   No virus found in this incoming message.
   Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
   Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.9.11 - Release Date: 14/04/2005

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.9.11 - Release Date: 14/04/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.9.11 - Release Date: 14/04/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Decided to post some of my poems in the file section if anyone is
interested...
Rebecca

Hi everyone... I am new to this group.  I am Rebecca, a 31 year old
mother of 3 who lives in Texas (originally from Kentucky)  I have
borderline personality and I am also a poet.  I used to have over a
hundred poems, but burned most of them because I am too critical of
myself... I thought they were too crappy.... BUT, after I burned them,
and they were gone forever, I felt an emptiness inside...and
overwhelming sadness that I destroyed my work like that.

I have been slowly rebuilding my collection of poems... It is so much
harder to write when on medication, though...seems to stifle my
creativity.  If anyone is interested in reading my poetry, it is
online at http://sweetinsanity.ws

I warn you though... most people consider my poetry to be dark and
morbid, though I do have a few cheery ones.  Most of it was written
when deep into depression.

For those of you who do read my poetry, I hope you enjoy it. Any
comments or criticizm is greatly welcomed to help me further develop
my skills as a poet.

Well, I must go for now... I am looking forward to seeing the works of
art from other borderlines.

Rebecca

Hi,

The person who was asking about what a blog is was spamming Yahoogroups.  Blah.

How are you?
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: borderlinechild
   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2005 8:06 PM
   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] Re: What is a blog?



   what's going on?



   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.2 - Release Date: 25/03/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

what's going on?



--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Lisa Marie Kuhn
<b4cministry@e...> wrote:
> Hmmm, I received this message from a different "x-sender" on another
group. Spam.
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: boaz376p
>   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
>   Sent: Monday, March 21, 2005 12:55 PM
>   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] What is a blog?
>
>
>
>   I found this url surfing, http://blogs.ardice.com
>   But can someone explain to me what a blog is?   -   Boaz376p
>
>
>
>
>         Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
>               ADVERTISEMENT
>
>
>
>
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>   Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>     a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
>     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/borderlinecreativity/
>
>     b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>     borderlinecreativity-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>     c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
>
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>   No virus found in this incoming message.
>   Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
>   Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.4 - Release Date: 18/03/2005
>
>   ----------
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.4 - Release Date: 18/03/2005
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hmmm, I received this message from a different "x-sender" on another group.
Spam.
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: boaz376p
   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Monday, March 21, 2005 12:55 PM
   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] What is a blog?



   I found this url surfing, http://blogs.ardice.com
   But can someone explain to me what a blog is?   -   Boaz376p




         Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
               ADVERTISEMENT





------------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Yahoo! Groups Links

     a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/borderlinecreativity/

     b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
     borderlinecreativity-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

     c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.




------------------------------------------------------------------------------


   No virus found in this incoming message.
   Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
   Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.4 - Release Date: 18/03/2005

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.4 - Release Date: 18/03/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I found this url surfing, http://blogs.ardice.com
But can someone explain to me what a blog is?   -   Boaz376p

Here's to the Kids That Are Different

Here's to the kids that are different,
The kids that don't always get A's.
The kids that have ears,
twice as big as their peers,
Or have noses that go on for days.
Here's to the kids that are different,
The kids that are just out of step.
The kids they all tease,
Who have cuts on their knees,
And whose sneakers are constantly wet.
Here's to the kids that are different,
The kids they call crazy and dumb.
The kids who aren't cute and don't give a hoot,
Who dance to a different drum.
Here's to the kids who are different,
For when they are grown,
As history has shown,
It's their difference that makes them unique.

~Digby Wolfe



(Note from Lisa Marie - this poem has a special meaning to me. I first heard it
when Goldie Hawn, as a guest at the show given for Sammy Davis Jr. in 1989
before he died, read it aloud to him before singing "True Colors" written by Tom
Kelly, Billy Steinberg. I recorded the show on a VHS tape, being a BIG Sammy
fan, and re-played her reading of the poem countless times ... it always touched
me. I was 12 in 1989.)




   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 266.5.0 - Release Date: 25/02/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi!

A friend of a friend (lol) began a new e-group for people who have
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (description in message below). I'm
helping her along in getting the word out.

Out of curiosity - does anyone here have a sleep disorder?  I showed
some of the criterion for DSPS in my sleep study in 1995, when I was
originally diagnosed with TLE. Has anyone else here had sleep
studies and overnight EEGs?

Lisa Marie Kuhn
Halifax, NS, Canada
Wife to William since 2000
Mommy to Julia b. March 15, 2001
Kathryn b. March 1, 2003 and
Carly b. November 10, 2004

-------Original Message-------

From: Elisheva Cohen
Date: 02/13/05 23:24:02
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/delayedsleepers/join?

Is everyone else's breakfast time your time to fall fast asleep? If
so, read on, this could be the right support group for you!

This is a support and discussion group for people who have Delayed
sleep phase syndrome (DSPS). DSPS is also sometimes called phase lag
syndrome. It is a circadian rhythm sleep disorder. Delayed sleep
phase syndrome is a persistent condition. It is one of the most
common complications of sleep-wake patterns. People with DSPS have a
desynchronization between their internal biological clock and the
external environment. Inability or difficulty to fall asleep is
simply "delayed" in relation to that of the general public. Those of
us with DSPS are "out of sync" with the routine that governs most of
his or her life.

DSPS sufferers generally are not able to fall asleep before 2 a.m.
and have extreme difficulty waking early (e.g., by 7 a.m.). We are
sometimes called "night owls" or are described as "not being morning
people." If we do finally sleep a full 7 to 8 hours (e.g., until 10
a.m.), we can feel rested and function normally. Unfortunately, this
is usually not the case.

People with DSPS still have to function early in the morning for
school or work. Teachers, professors, bosses and friends and family
don't understand this is a disorder we cannot control easily. A
person with DSPS often fails courses in school or loses jobs,
affecting them socially and compromising their health.

If you experience DSPS or think you may have this condition, this is
the right support and discussion group for you. We are a small and
cozy group but surely many of our "night owl" peers will find us and
we'll develop a great support list. We will encourage each other
through our difficult times, and chat together in the night hours
while the rest of our families and friends are fast asleep. We'll
share information we have about DSPS and learn to overcome our
difficulties together. We hope you'll make the choice to JOIN NOW! :)

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/delayedsleepers/join?

Yes, read this book too and love it!

rtions of this message have been removed]

Great to hear you've been doing so well. Been very busy myself, with
my job mostly.

http://www.borderchild.com


--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Lisa Marie Kuhn
<b4cministry@e...> wrote:
> Hello! :-)
>
> I've been away for a while... I gave birth to my third daughter on
November 10, 2001!  She is precious...but quite demanding of my time
in usual newborn style ;-)
>
> I'm doing OK, though.  Thanks for asking!  I'm embarking on a new
scrapbooking project - her baby book!  Otherwise, my arts and crafts
have been on hold like everything else, as well as my creative
writing.  Heavy sigh!
>
> How are you?
>
> PS: Could you tell me your website address again?  TIA.
>
> Love,
> Lisa Marie Kuhn
> Halifax NS Canada
> Wife to William since 2000
> Mom to Julia, born 03/15/01
> and Kathryn, born 03/01/03
> and Carly Rose, born 11/10/04
>
>   From: borderlinechild
>   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
>   Sent: Wednesday, December 29, 2004 8:35 PM
>   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] Re: Email Changes
>
>
>
>   noted...thanks...how are you?
>
>
>   --- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Lisa Marie Kuhn
>   <b4cministry@e...> wrote:
>   > Hello!
>   >
>   > This is Lisa Marie Kuhn.  My regular email address, lisa@b..., will
>   soon no long be valid or useful, so please write to me at
>   b4cministry@e... or starbelly@e...
>   >
>   > I can be contacted on Yahoo Messenger, as usual, as dollparts_ca
>   >
>   > MSN  as b4cministry@e...  and AOL as starbellyca
>   >
>   > Thanks!
>   > Love to all
>   >
>   > Lisa Marie
>
>   ----------
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
> Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.6.9 - Release Date: 06/01/2005
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hey,

OK, we set it up, the DBT group.  It is at:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/BFCM-DBT/

To subscribe, log in to Yahoogroups with your Yahoo ID and
password.  Visit the group page and click on "Join This Group".

You'll receive a short questionnaire, after receiving the answers,
we'll add you on. :)

We've already got the necessary files there to begin a month or more
worth of lessons and homework, so it'll be good we hope.

:)

Abbreviations: What's in a name?

What does BPD stand for?

BPD is the abbreviation for Borderline Personality Disorder. It is
sometimes confused when people use BP to mean either Borderline
Personality or Bi-polar Disorder (also known as Manic-Depression).

Why is it called that?

Historically, BPD got its name because psychiatrists found that
patients would often appear with symptoms that could not easily be
classified within the context of a single diagnosis. In Freudian
circles, psychoanalysts saw patients who had characteristics of both
neurosis and psychosis, which was puzzling. More confusion arose
when patients would present a multitude of mix-matched symptoms.
Sometimes traits resembled schizophrenia, other forms of psychosis,
and other personality disorders. This made it difficult for them to
diagnose their patients. Since it was shown that these
clients "bordered" on one or more of the distinct known illnesses,
they received the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Besides its historical origin, in what ways does the
term "Borderline" apply to the disorder?
BPD does look and feel like many other distinguishable mental
illnesses. The common experiences of depression, anxiety, eating
disorders and other symptoms are found in other psychiatric
disorders.

The defense mechanism of splitting commonly employed by those with
BPD produces black and white thinking and an all or nothing
attitude. Sometimes during intensely emotional situations, a person
with BPD may feel they are "on the border" of this or that feeling
or may be indecisive and feel anxiety. Being "on the border" without
a support -a healthy coping skill- the person with BPD may turn to
the familiar tactics, like splitting, to deal with their
circumstances.

Another example of how the word "borderline" may fit people carrying
the BPD diagnosis is in the tendency among clients to border on
achieving success but falling short of reaching a goal just before
it is about to be realized. It's the "almost but not quite" effect;
this is commonly seen in people with BPD who drop out of school
shortly before graduating or quitting a job prematurely or ending a
relationship that feels "too good".

How is the term "Borderline" understood in our contemporary time?

There is still a sense in which BPD is an alternative name for a
complex ailment that has many 'cross-overs' with other diagnoses.
The fact alone that BPD does resemble other illnesses creates
potential misunderstandings. The difficulties associated with the
title "Borderline" trouble professionals when trying to make the
most appropriate, correct diagnosis of a client. For instance, all
people can and usually do exhibit the symptoms of Borderline
Personality Disorder. There is potential for misdiagnosis because of
the prevalence of its symptoms' commonness, especially among
adolescents.

Keeping in mind that "Borderline" characteristics and traits are
common experiences among the general population, it is prudent to
consider the possibility of creating a self-fulfilling prophesy - or
even a loop of self-fulfilling prophesies. The person who has been
diagnosed with BPD may have first presented with some symptoms but
once hearing their diagnosis, they learn to anticipate certain
reactions and responses from themselves. Soon, the symptoms begin to
appear more. Because of this possibility, professionals must be very
careful about diagnosing a client with BPD and must also be cautious
about when to tell the patient of his or her diagnosis.

Unfortunately, a strong stigma has also developed with regards to
Borderline Personality Disorder. Difficulty with diagnosis is often
followed by difficulty in treating people with this illness as well.
It has been tagged as the most difficult of all personality
disorders to treat and has been named as incurable and impossible
for people to overcome. It is generally agreed upon that 2% of the
general population and 20% of all mental health consumers may suffer
from BPD. It is understood by some to be pervasive and all
encompassing and patients are sometimes seen as resistant to change,
antagonistic or rebellious.

Why are some researchers and professionals suggesting name changes?

BPD got its name from a certain amount of confusion and ignorance
about its true nature as psychiatric professionals first began to
recognize and distinguish the disorder in their patients. Many
people find the BPD label inaccurate and feel that the stigma
attached to it are decreasing proper awareness and understanding of
what this disorder is really like. Also, as more research is done
with regards to the biological connections to BPD, some researchers
feel other titles would better describe the condition.

What are some of the suggested name changes?

First, it is important to know that BPD is not the only label that
has been officially used to describe this illness. Prior to the
listing of BPD in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, Otto Kernberg! named the condition Borderline Personality
Organization, not using the word disorder at all. Kernberg's
contribution to the development of an understanding of BPD is one of
the most important historical topics to be explored. For more
information on this sub-topic, please see the section titled What's
an Axis For?.

The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related
Health Problems (ICD-10), published by the World Health Organization
(WHO) in 1992, lists 'borderline' as a sub-type of Emotionally
Unstable Personality Disorder.

Recent suggested names to replace the BPD label are Emotional
Regulation Disorder (ERD), Dyslimbia, Emotional Intensity Disorder,
Emotion-Impulse Regulation Disorder and Complex Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder. These alternative names reflect the current
approach to a further exploration into the etiology of BPD.

There is also some discussion of 'relocating' BPD in the next,
fifth, edition of the DSM. Those experts who disagree that it is a
personality disorder have suggested removing it from Axis II.
Alternative suggestions have included placing it under the heading
of trauma spectrum disorders or under dissociative disorders, which
are both on Axis I.

Copyright Lisa Marie Kuhn 2003
http://b4c.webs4christ.com/

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.7.0 - Release Date: 17/01/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello....

No creative juices flowing here.  Not sure I am flowing at all :(
Been feeling pretty down and out lately, to be honest.

Still here, still reading messages and checking out the photos
section.

Lisa Marie

====================================================

          Mental Illness & Creativity

====================================================
5/21/02

MEDIA CONTACT: Michelle Brandt at (650) 723-0272
(mbrandt@...)
BROADCAST MEDIA: M.A. Malone at (650) 723-6912
(mamalone@...)

STANFORD RESEARCHERS ESTABLISH LINK BETWEEN CREATIVE
GENIUS AND MENTAL ILLNESS

STANFORD, Calif. - For decades, scientists have known
that eminently creative individuals have a much higher
rate of manic depression, or bipolar disorder, than
does the general population. But few controlled
studies have been done to build the link between
mental illness and creativity. Now, Stanford
researchers Connie Strong and Terence Ketter, MD, have
taken the first steps toward exploring the
relationship.

Using personality and temperament tests, they found
healthy artists to be more similar in personality to
individuals with manic depression than to healthy
people in the general population. "My hunch is that
emotional range, having an emotional broadband, is the
bipolar patient's advantage," said Strong. "It isn't
the only thing going on, but something gives people
with manic depression an edge, and I think it's
emotional range."

Strong is a research manager in the Department of
Psychiatry and Behavioral Science's bipolar disorders
clinic and a doctoral candidate at the Pacific
Graduate School. She is presenting preliminary results
during a poster presentation today (May 21) at the
annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association
Meeting in Philadelphia.

The current study is groundbreaking for psychiatric
research in that it used separate control groups made
up of both healthy, creative people and people from
the general population.

Researchers administered standard personality,
temperament and creativity tests to 47 people in the
healthy control group, 48 patients with successfully
treated bipolar disorder and 25 patients successfully
treated for depression. She also tested 32 people in a
healthy, creative control group. This group was
comprised of Stanford graduate students enrolled in
prestigious product design, creative writing and fine
arts programs, including Stegner Fellows in writing,
students in the interdisciplinary Joint Program in
Design from the Department of Mechanical Engineering
and studio arts master's students from the Department
of Art & Art History. All subjects were matched for
age, gender, education and socioeconomic status.

Preliminary analysis showed that people in the control
group and recovered manic depressives were more open
and likely to be moody and neurotic than healthy
controls. Moodiness and neuroticism are part of a
group of characteristics researchers are calling
"negative-affective traits" which also include mild,
nonclinical forms of depression and bipolar disorder.

Though the data are preliminary, they provide a
roadmap for psychiatric researchers looking to solve
the genius/ madness paradox depicted in the movie A
Beautiful Mind, which tells the story of Nobel
Laureate John Nash. The existing data need further
review, Strong said. "And, we need to expand this to
other groups," he said. How mood influences the
performance of artists and genius scientists will be
the subject of future research at Stanford. "We need
to better understand the emotional side of what they
do," Strong said.

The study was funded by grants to Ketter, principal
investigator and associate professor of psychiatry and
behavioral science at Stanford, from the National
Alliance for Research on Schizophrenia and Depression,
and Abbott Laboratories.

...................
Stanford University Medical Center integrates
research, medical education and patient care at its
three institutions - Stanford University School of
Medicine, Stanford Hospital & Clinics and Lucile
Packard Children's Hospital. For more information,
please visit the Web site of the medical center's
Office of News and Public Affairs at
http://mednews.stanford.edu.

Lisa Marie Kuhn
Halifax NS Canada
Wife to William since 2000
Mom to Julia, born 03/15/01
and Kathryn, born 03/01/03
and Carly Rose, born 11/10/04

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.6.10 - Release Date: 10/01/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello! :-)

I've been away for a while... I gave birth to my third daughter on November 10,
2001!  She is precious...but quite demanding of my time in usual newborn style
;-)

I'm doing OK, though.  Thanks for asking!  I'm embarking on a new scrapbooking
project - her baby book!  Otherwise, my arts and crafts have been on hold like
everything else, as well as my creative writing.  Heavy sigh!

How are you?

PS: Could you tell me your website address again?  TIA.

Love,
Lisa Marie Kuhn
Halifax NS Canada
Wife to William since 2000
Mom to Julia, born 03/15/01
and Kathryn, born 03/01/03
and Carly Rose, born 11/10/04

   From: borderlinechild
   To: borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Wednesday, December 29, 2004 8:35 PM
   Subject: [Borderline Creativity] Re: Email Changes



   noted...thanks...how are you?


   --- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Lisa Marie Kuhn
   <b4cministry@e...> wrote:
   > Hello!
   >
   > This is Lisa Marie Kuhn.  My regular email address, lisa@b..., will
   soon no long be valid or useful, so please write to me at
   b4cministry@e... or starbelly@e...
   >
   > I can be contacted on Yahoo Messenger, as usual, as dollparts_ca
   >
   > MSN  as b4cministry@e...  and AOL as starbellyca
   >
   > Thanks!
   > Love to all
   >
   > Lisa Marie

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.6.9 - Release Date: 06/01/2005


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Teddi, maybe if you talk to us here, we can help you get through this
low period. I know it is hard, believe me, and that you just want to
die. How long have you been seeing this particular psych?



--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, "Teddi Heidt"
<teddimae@w...> wrote:
> I am frustrated and need to vent.  Yesterday I had an appt with my
> psychiatrist.  I am on Celexa (and Trazadone 100 mg so I can sleep 5
> hours).  The doctors have dropped it from 60 mg back to 40 mg because I
> said that I am bouncing from suicidal to manic.  I went to a medical
> doctor and started the birth control pill a little over a week ago so he
> doesn't want to change my meds right now until he sees how that works.
> Its like I am being punished for seeking additional help because my
> impulsivity and anger/rage is usually what prompts my suicidal behavior
> and that is more cyclical - premenstrually and at ovulation is when I
> can't control it and it scares me.  And, when I got out of the hospital,
> as a condition, they almost insisted I see someone for alcohol
> dependence and now they don't think I should work on that because the
> counselor thinks differently than my doctor.  The doctor and therapist
> think I should get a job and the addiction counselor thinks I should be
> off work or find a different type of job where I'm more in control (work
> from home, etc.).  The psychiatrist spent 7 or 8 minutes with me
> yesterday!  I told him that I'm feeling contradictory.  On one hand, I'm
> cleaning house, giving things away and preparing to die, but I had to
> wait unti after Christmas and two of my kids' birthdays in January and
> on the other hand, I'm working on the skills to improve.  He said to
> call him the day before I plan to commit suicide!  I said I'm not going
> to call you.  He asked why not.  I said because you would put me in the
> hospital and we both know that doesn't keep someone from committing
> suicide.  He said you're the only one who can keep you from killing
> yourself.  My daughter turns 22 today and my son will be 19 on the 20th.
> My period is due on about the 25th and part of me wants to live and part
> of me wants to just give in to the impulsivity at that time of the month
> and die.  I felt like killing myself on New Year's Day and the 2nd, but
> I am waiting for the kids' birthdays and feel an overwhelming urge to
> have the house in perfect order and things layed out and give away my
> clothes and box things up that I want the kids to have and put it all
> into one room.  Today I see a different therapist.  I was in three
> groups that she had in partial.  She is a very strong personality.  My
> other therapist was somewhat weak I thought and he kept pushing me to
> get a job and I feel that my job is what prompted the suicide attempt
> and I'm afraid to get a full-time job for fear that the next time it
> will kill me.  I liked the nurse practitioner that I saw at a different
> facility for the past two years, but then I had been seen at that
> facility from 1988 to 1996 and again from 2000 to 2002 and they never
> told me anything about the borderline although they had diagnosed me
> with it and also they diagnosed me with bipolar and the new drs. took
> that diagnosis away.  I felt like she cared how I was feeling.  The
> psychiatrist I saw yesterday told me on a previous occasion that he was
> treating me how he would want his family member treated!  I said I
> wouldn't want to be your family member.  That was the day that him and
> my therapist ganged up on my and told me that I am not disabled and that
> I have "pockets of high level functioning" - I said yah "pockets" its
> not consistent and I don't want to go back to work until I'm ready and
> have the stress kill me or even embarrass myself with borderline
> behavior that is out of control.  The symptoms have gone into remission
> in the past enough for me to work, but I don't feel I'm ready yet.  The
> medical providers in the hospital and partial care and outpatient seem
> like they are downright "mean" - its up to you.  I am not use to this
> "empowering."  Part of me likes the old way, where the other doctors
> just adjusted the meds until we felt we had it under control (and I
> drank to relieve the stress).  It wasn't any effort on my part and I
> felt better.  Right now, this way, it hurts like hell and its like they
> are just there letting me feel the pain and not doing a damn thing to
> stop it.  If I can heal myself and they don't care if I live or die and
> they can't be the least bit empathetic, why am I paying them!?
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Resources

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ADHD_Bulletin_Board/

http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/auditory.asp

--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, borderlinechild
<no_reply@y...> wrote:
>
> thanks for reading this. i need your opinion. i've been seeing a new
> psychiatrist since september. i've seen her a total of 3 times so far,
> just for meds.
>
> as you may or may not know, i am writing a book, my life's story with
> bpd. well, i am trying to get all my past records from previous
> therapists and doctors which has been a load. i asked my new psych for
> her help in obtaining some of the past records since she is a doctor
> and they wouldn't charge her to obtain them. she said she would help
> me. well, i've been trying to get these since october. in november she
> told me that she received them and that she had to make copies. since
> then, i have called and left several messages asking whether or not i
> could come to pick them up. she has ignored every single one of those
> calls and messages. she now has an assitant and i've left several
> messages with her, who has in turn, left those messages for my psych.
> but she still does not call me back. i don't know what to think here.
> i really don't think i'm being unreasonable or "borderline" in my
> attempt to get these records from her, but can anyone here understand
> where i am coming from? my next appointment is on January 5th and i
> really don't know how to act with her. she refuses to call me back.
> what should i do?
>
> thanks!

bump

noted...thanks...how are you?


--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Lisa Marie Kuhn
<b4cministry@e...> wrote:
> Hello!
>
> This is Lisa Marie Kuhn.  My regular email address, lisa@b..., will
soon no long be valid or useful, so please write to me at
b4cministry@e... or starbelly@e...
>
> I can be contacted on Yahoo Messenger, as usual, as dollparts_ca
>
> MSN  as b4cministry@e...  and AOL as starbellyca
>
> Thanks!
> Love to all
>
> Lisa Marie
>
>   ----------
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
> Version: 7.0.298 / Virus Database: 265.6.5 - Release Date: 26/12/2004
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello!

This is Lisa Marie Kuhn.  My regular email address, lisa@..., will soon
no long be valid or useful, so please write to me at b4cministry@... or
starbelly@...

I can be contacted on Yahoo Messenger, as usual, as dollparts_ca

MSN  as b4cministry@...  and AOL as starbellyca

Thanks!
Love to all

Lisa Marie

   ----------

No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.298 / Virus Database: 265.6.5 - Release Date: 26/12/2004


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Addiction in any form is rough. For me it was an addiction to people.


--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Misty Dixon
<sugar21880@y...> wrote:
>
> My Addiction
>
>
>
> I have been an addict for 10 long years,
>
> And brought my family so many tears.
>
>
>
> I asked the Lord to hear my cry,
>
> And when he did not answer I wondered why.
>
>
>
> My addiction made me stop about anyone and everything anymore,
>
> Made my family wonder if I would ever change or carry on forever more.
>
>
>
> I was so strung out that my future was no loger in sight,
>
> My loved ones doing all they could but feared I would never see the
light.
>
>
>
> My family was so full of fear,
>
> But all I cared about was drugs and alcohol throughout my years.
>
>
>
> My addiction turned me into someone I did not know or want to be,
>
> But I was so pumped up with drugs I never could see; let alone believe.
>
>
>
> I felt there was not an ounce of hope,
>
> My loved ones could no longer cope.
>
>
>
> I did the drugs to escape reality and pain,
>
> It ended up turning my whole world upside down; making me totally
insane.
>
>
>
> I have seen and done things I wish I never had,
>
> No one realizes how much it makes me sad.
>
>
>
> I turned my back on my loved ones and avoided them all as much as I
could,
>
> Now I comprehend that I hurt everyone pretty damn good.
>
>
>
> My loved ones thought they knew me exceptionally well,
>
> I hid the monstrous creature I was `cause I knew it would break
their hearts and make the tears begin to swell.
>
>
>
> I know that I have died on many occasions deep down inside of my core,
>
> By then I was just a junkie, not caring, setting my sights on my
next score.
>
>
>
> I have lived a life full of many regrets,
>
> Now I have learned many valuable lessons I will not ever forget.
>
>
>
> Written By Misty M. Dixon
>
> Written On 10- 20-2002
>
> For my parents and Lewis to try and understand.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ah, those feelings all over again. I feel like you know me. But I know
it's because we share this horrible affliction.



--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Misty Dixon
<sugar21880@y...> wrote:
>
> Understand
>
>
>
> I understand I did something wrong,
>
> And yes, I know I must pay the price now for being gone.
>
>
>
> I understand I have hurt you,
>
> Now you are punishing me because that is what you had to do.
>
>
>
> I understand you were mad at me,
>
> For taking advantage of you letting me leave.
>
>
>
> I understand you were confused,
>
> For I did not come home when I was supposed to and you felt used.
>
>
>
> I understand you were looking about,
>
> Not knowing if I had been killed or if I was just out.
>
>
>
> I understand you were sad,
>
> Not understanding why I was being so bad.
>
>
>
> I understand why I can't go out; it's a must,
>
> For I have lost and now must regain your trust.
>
>
>
> I understand it may seem like I don't care,
>
> But in my heart my caring for you and loving you is still there.
>
>
>
> I now must apologize for my behavior,
>
> I am really sorry, I do really care, please forgive me, I love you
forever, and in my heart love will always be there!
>
> Written By: Misty M. Dixon
>
> Written to my mom after I had ran away.
>
> Written On: 04/08/1996
>
> Had this published on college website for poetry.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
>  Yahoo! Mail - Easier than ever with enhanced search. Learn more.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Really good poem. Intense feelings stir in me when I read this.
Reminds me of a poem I wrote a while ago:

Little Girl

Little girl, where do you stand?
Your back turned towards me,
your eyes reaching beyond.
You're there somewhere,
just hidden inside.
I can feel the tightness
of your frown,
taste the salt of your tears.
One by one, they drop,
forming puddles of pain below you.
Do you ever reach outward
hoping someone to take your hand?
Or mumble mere sounds
without response in return?
Without rest, you will be tired.
Without clothes, you will be cold.
Without food, you will be starved.
Without knowing where you are,
you will be gone.
Little girl, where do you stand?
I haven't seen you in so long.
I no longer feel your frown
or taste your tears.
Little girl, I think you've passed on.




--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Misty Dixon
<sugar21880@y...> wrote:
>
> Lost
>
>
>
> Who will help this poor little girl who's lost in this world so great,
>
> This little girl an adult now, still lost to this date.
>
>
>
> An adult now, still feel like I'll never know,
>
> How to find myself and forget the past, but I will not grow.
>
>
>
> The innocence that was stolen from me,
>
> How on earth could they not see.
>
>
>
>     I often cry myself to sleep,
>
> My emotions like a well that runs so deep.
>
>
>
>     My inner turmoil was once hidden so far within,
>
> My emotional scars showing the pain inflicted on me, all of their sins.
>
>
>
>     The little girl crying to be found,
>
> Yet, my family and psychiatrists left her behind and bound.
>
>
>
> When memories come flooding in and become too much to bear,
>
> I deal with it the only way I know how and then I'm shipped off to a
hospital where no one seems to really care.
>
>
>
>     So what to do for the pained, hurt, little girl lost,
>
> Oh we will try our best to help her – at a highly unaffordable cost.
>
>
>
>     Throw some pills at her,
>
> A little unsuccessful therapy for her,
>
> Pretend to know her while whispering about her,
>
> Even pretend to care in support of her,
>
> And you will see in her eyes the truth – she will be lost forever!
>
>
>
>     Because she told the truth – her family a cost,
>
> And now the innocence he stole and with no support the little girl
is now 24 and is even more lost.
>
>
>
> You'd been taught all your life if you're honest you will not lose,
>
> And when they all turned their backs and
> did nothing you end up even more confused.
>
>
>
>     They say the truth will set you free,
>
> The only way I'll know freedom is if it had not to be.
>
>
>
>
> Written By: Misty M. Dixon
>
> Written On: 8-25-04  1:20a.m.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
>  Yahoo! Mail - You care about security. So do we.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

thanks for reading this. i need your opinion. i've been seeing a new
psychiatrist since september. i've seen her a total of 3 times so far,
just for meds.

as you may or may not know, i am writing a book, my life's story with
bpd. well, i am trying to get all my past records from previous
therapists and doctors which has been a load. i asked my new psych for
her help in obtaining some of the past records since she is a doctor
and they wouldn't charge her to obtain them. she said she would help
me. well, i've been trying to get these since october. in november she
told me that she received them and that she had to make copies. since
then, i have called and left several messages asking whether or not i
could come to pick them up. she has ignored every single one of those
calls and messages. she now has an assitant and i've left several
messages with her, who has in turn, left those messages for my psych.
but she still does not call me back. i don't know what to think here.
i really don't think i'm being unreasonable or "borderline" in my
attempt to get these records from her, but can anyone here understand
where i am coming from? my next appointment is on January 5th and i
really don't know how to act with her. she refuses to call me back.
what should i do?

thanks!

so sad, but so true...unfortunately...


--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, Misty Dixon
<sugar21880@y...> wrote:
>
> Goals Unreachable
>
>
>
> I wish to get a good job and make money,
>
> I've never kept a job more than a few months & I always just
disappoint everybody.
>
>
>
> I aspire to go to school, get a degree, & a good career,
>
> It seems so hopeless & I'll by no means meet this dream of mine, I
completely fear.
>
>
>
> I desire to get married, have kids, & more pets some day,
>
> But I can't even take care of myself, let alone other people, & I
know this will on no account come my way.
>
>
>
> I long to make myself , my attitudes, & my behaviors better,
>
> The harder I try to do things right, the worse & more unstable I
seem to become; nothing I seem to do anymore seems to matter.
>
>
>
> With these disorders I have – my emotions uncontrollable, my
feelings always in the way, the dark depression, the guilt, the hurt,
& the way I can't function in society,
>
> They all make me feel like I should claim mental disability.
>
>
>
> These goals I write & want to achieve regardless of what it takes,
>
> Although I feel as if I'm stuck in a huge rut I'll in no way get out
of; a nightmare of mental disabilities from which I'll never wake.
>
>
>
> I've tried so many times throughout the years to make myself better
& do the things that are right and prove that I can do something else
besides cry, mope, be depressed, and shit,
>
> I know with these disorders & my pathetic personality, the harder I
try, the further away I am to ever being able to function normally and
make it.
>
>
>
> So here are my goals however unreachable despite how hard I try,
>
> So I guess I'll do what I do best; try to ignore my problems, let my
feelings & emotions overwhelm me, try to avoid this along with the
pain, hurt, guilt, confusion, & sadness even though itdoes not work;
light a cigarette, sit, and cry.
>
>
>
> Written By: Misty M. Dixon
>
> Written On: 01/10/2003  12:58a.m.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
>  The all-new My Yahoo! – What will yours do?
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i'm not from the area, but how did you start this local support group
if you don't mind me asking? i would love to do the same.



--- In borderlinecreativity@yahoogroups.com, "Teddi Heidt"
<teddimae@w...> wrote:
> Does anyone live in ND or MN, especially eastern ND and western MN?
>
> I have an online support group and a local Borderline Personality
> Disorder support group through the Mental Health Association that I just
> started on December 13.  I plan to incorporate the use of DBT skills.
>
> If you are from this area and are interested in more information, please
> contact me.
>
> Teddimae306@Y...
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Understand



I understand I did something wrong,

And yes, I know I must pay the price now for being gone.



I understand I have hurt you,

Now you are punishing me because that is what you had to do.



I understand you were mad at me,

For taking advantage of you letting me leave.



I understand you were confused,

For I did not come home when I was supposed to and you felt used.



I understand you were looking about,

Not knowing if I had been killed or if I was just out.



I understand you were sad,

Not understanding why I was being so bad.



I understand why I can’t go out; it’s a must,

For I have lost and now must regain your trust.



I understand it may seem like I don’t care,

But in my heart my caring for you and loving you is still there.



I now must apologize for my behavior,

I am really sorry, I do really care, please forgive me, I love you forever, and
in my heart love will always be there!

Written By: Misty M. Dixon

Written to my mom after I had ran away.

Had this published on college website for poetry.

Written On: 04/08/1996














---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
  Yahoo! Mail - 250MB free storage. Do more. Manage less.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]