I'm (_real_) new to this group, and thought I'd post something as an
intro...Right now I'm not really sure of what's contributing to the
difficulties of my life, but the online description of this group
caught my attention. I like to write and find it extremely helpful,
to the point where I've been able to see it as a coping mechanism. I
can't really motivate myself to write at this time unless I have
people to share it with--which bites, but. I'll probably start
posting stuff I write, if I decide I want to do that, to the files
section...

And, I'm in the process of changing clinical psychologists, so if you
wanna know how much in the dark I am...well, yeah! I'm not sure if
I'm really quite borderline or severe...then, I'm only twenty, so
it's likely that my previous psychiatrist didn't see it as really
important to tell me what the hell was going on. (eh heh...sorry.)

Anyway, I'm a chronic depressive with anxiety and gender
identity 'disorders' (I call them disorders when they start biting
into my life) and possible multiple personalities, with each persona
existing only under a given set of conditions and unable to exist in
other conditions (and all thinking of themselves as 'I' during the
time that they're dominant/forward in me). For instance, there's the
protector/healer, the demon/cynic (or energy vacuum--dependent upon
the healer--a hint to how I'm feeling while I'm writing this--sorry
if I'm draining...), the ghost (flattened affect/response and
heightened sensitivity), the child-girl, the relatively gentle young
man, the...um...feminist (this and the male youth tug-of-war [and
switch decisions!] over whether my presentation is going to stay
female or not!), if I were to try to recognize each of the ones I
haven't repressed--like the ones too elemental to continue. I could
make a group of tarot cards! (Just got a chill thinking about what
the inventor of tarot must have been like)

Right, and then there's a sensitive/empath that's both male and
female (contrast with the ghost, which is nothing but a rather blank
but abruptly aware consciousness), who kind of blends with the
healer, but not quite (the healer is warmer, and psychically
male...aargh)...I knew I was missing one. (Sorry about troubling you
all with this, ne...) There might be a little boy, too, somewhere
between 6 and 12 years old.

Fun, ne...I don't know if those are actually personalities, either,
since I'm mostly trying to figure this out on my own. Which bites.
(!!!)

(If the above three paragraphs don't make sense, it's because I went
back and kept adding more complete elaboration to them so that they'd
be more exact.)

Well, if anyone can tell me of a better group to try out, if this one
isn't suited, I mean, that'd be cool. (I'm just looking for
help. :) Jeez...) I'm actually thinking at this point that I'm not
borderline. ^_^; But I guess that's okay...and I guess I can post
this, since I wrote it already. *Sigh.*

I'm guessing that maybe this group split off from another
(or 'other') groups which were not focused on those with borderline
personalities? It's just kind of been my experience so far that
people who feel marginalized within certain larger groups tend to
group together and form small groups like this. If that's so, I hope
the larger groups weren't too harsh...(I've been on a few listserves
that have had some really, really aggressive and harmful psyches on
them...I mean, people who just seemed to be on the list to hurt other
people to make themselves feel better.)

Anyway, this is long enough, I think. Hope I don't get attacked for
writing this. But...hey, can anyone hear me? (subscribed, and got
this email, and wants to write back in a spirit that isn't cruel or
superior...)

Oi, I don't want to come off as apprehensive...just my experiences
make it kind of difficult...I had to write this for myself, too.

("So push 'Send'!" *kik* :)

I wonder if anyone will enjoy my stories?...
Prism