I have an eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder.

I hate the way food makes me feel. It makes me feel fat, ugly and that
i dont deserve anything...i dont deserve to be loved because im so fat.
I hate my body shape, im ugly and i cant walk down the road by myself
because i feel like everyone is looking at me and looking at how fat
and ugly i am.

Some days i'll be fine and i'd be able to eat something but its the
after feeling i hate. i feel like crap because i hate the way food
makes me feel about myself. Once ive started feeling like this...i
wont eat again until i feel better and sometimes that can be for days.
But when i do feel down...i feel like ive hit rock bottom and i want
to kill myself.

I want to get help but im so scared that when im better...ill have a
fuller figur and ill be fat. I want help because i know how much its
upsetting my family and i hate seeing that. And plus im just sick and
tired of it and i feel like its never gone end and im going round in
circles.