James,

I am sorry for your experiences with this disease. That blows me away
that you were diagnosed 20 years ago...there are so few people that have
even heard of it. I only learned of it after having an angiogram and
feel that maybe it could have been diagnosed earlier if others were more
informed and aware of it. It seems by the time you are finally
diagnosed, you're already at a dangerous point. My personal physician
treated my symptoms for well over a year before sending me to
dermatology, where eventually I was referred to a vascular specialist
and got the diagnosis.

Once you quit smoking, did your body actually begin to repair itself or
did the symptoms continue? I guess I keep asking this because I need to
get out of denial. I see my symptoms getting worse at a faster rate
than before. Only my right index finger used to change color and go
numb but now it seems to be affecting all of my fingers and my toes, as
well as both knees have joined in, one by one. I know that it's going
to get ugly here soon and I need to face reality and deal with it.

Knowing that something bad will probably happen to me in the future
doesn't seem to be enough to motivate me. That's how I know I am truly
addicted to those poisonous cigarettes; they have a powerful hold on me.
Any suggestions on how to change my mind-set? Anything in particular
give you the strength to stop or were you dealing with things like I am
and it took the reality of amputation to wake you up? It must be
difficult for you now to look back at the choices you made. Having been
there, done that, any advice you can give me will be appreciated. It's
hard knowing that the outcome is on my own shoulders...I am used to
taking care of others instead of myself. This is certainly one of the
toughest things I have ever had to face.

Carolyn