Good Morning Crystal,

It was good to see you express some of the things that was on your mind. I am
also gain for any type of dance class. Send me the information amnd i will make
some schedule arrangements. My email id harrellanderson@....


Hope to talk with you later.


Towanda Harrell-Anderson
--- In baltimorebariatrics@yahoogroups.com, Crystal Carrington
<crystal_carrington21230@...> wrote:
>
> All�"
> I’ve just returned from a trip to San Antonio for my daughters’ Air Force
BMT Graduation (where I cried endless tears to see my baby all dressed up and in
step) with her squad; “Lead, Follow or Move Out Of The Way!” I traveled
alone enjoying the peace and solitude that I get so little of on
a very soothing plane ride which I don't normally enjoy and spent a lot of
time in my room at the Crowne Plaza Hotel-Riverwalk  (though I went there
thinking I would make a mini vacation of it since it was had a breathtaking view
of the Riverwalk and was close to all the tourist attractions; but didn't get to
do much sightseeing since my poor daughter had a terrible limp from the blisters
on her feet) thinking about my recent weight loss progress or well lack thereof
to be more accurate. Since you guys are my support; (which is why I don't allow
my family to come with me) I’m sharing with you hoping to get some feedback.
> This month’s topic, “Sabotage…” was enlightening. I’ve since
discovered I was guilty of throwing in my wooden shoe. I’ve basically lived to
please others in my life to the detriment of my own happiness. I've always
felt like I need to be there for my Mom, brothers and kids I seem to have lost
myself in this process. And now that my kids and I have grown up I still feel
responsible for my Mom who makes me feel guilty and succeeds at keeping me by
her side especially since my father’s passing 21 years ago and my maternal
grandmother’s passing 22 years ago. She’s been a wonderful Mom and now that
she’s getting older and I notice her slowing down and becoming forgetful I
feel as though I must be there for her now. Has anyone ever experienced
anything similar to this?
> I on the other hand have always encouraged my kids to follow their dreams and
to live their own lives. Now they’ve all left the nest, the youngest leaving
for college next month; but I’m still not free. In 1996 I moved my kids to
North Carolina and became a Correctional Officer. I lost all my excess weight
not being responsible for Mom and the rest of my family-and was very happy for
the first time in a very long time. (I’m a country girl at heart though I was
born and raised here in Baltimore. My father’s stories of his childhood
background always delighted me as I am a naturalist preferring the simple things
in life.) However after two years there Mom informed me she felt all alone in
the world so I gave two week’s notice and moved back to Baltimore.
> After many years of therapy I have concluded none can break through the
barrier of my fort of guilt until I am willing to allow it. Which being raised
as the “preacher’s daughter” I was taught family is always the number one
priority. My loyalty has left me feeling trapped and tied down.
> I know this has been a long drawn out story-but I just needed to vent. I find
it too difficult to talk in group not because I am shy or shamefaced, but
because I prefer the background and past experience has taught me in the words
of Abe Lincoln “It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your
mouth and remove all doubt.” Also because I cry easily and hate others to see
me cry for fear it will be viewed as a sign of weakness and vulnerability.
> So I am trying to make some changes because I am worth it and deserve it. I am
beginning although slowly to do more things on my own that I enjoy�"though some
things don’t work so well by oneself. I can’t see myself doing the lap,
chair or especially the pole dancing; not to mention my arthritis will have no
part in it. So I am forcing myself to open up and ask if anyone’s interested
in taking square dance classes, ballroom dancing, (I know a place that offers
this)hiking or nature walks-short distances at first of course, geocaching or
things similar?
> Crystal
>